I’ll admit it, I got burned

I bet you’re thinking that a believer popped into Le Café and dogged me on some piece of undeniably great piece of evidence.

Think again.

I literally got burned last night. It appears that Tina cannot leave me alone. The last time Tina went out with a friend for dinner, I was cleaning T’s teapot, it broke, and I got stuck with a $1500 injury. You can see the damage here.

Yesterday, I was making myself dinner, and I threw a frying pan of potatoes in the oven to finish. I removed the frying pan with a oven mit, moved on to another task. Returned to the stove and picked up the goddamn frying pan by the handle.

If you’ve ever seen “Fight Club,” the burn that Tyler gives the narrator looks a lot like my new bubbly blister.

The moral of the story: Tina can no longer have dinner with friends.

I have first and second degree burns all over my palm and fingers. The only thing that can be done for first and second degree burns is wait it out. It’s recommended not to use ice, but cool water. All night last night, I had my hand immersed in cool water. When I pulled it out, it burned like the dickens. I didn’t know how I was going to sleep.

The plan I came up with was simple. I was going to hold onto my metal water bottle until it became too lukewarm. Then I would exchange it for another metal water bottle sitting in a bucket of cold water beside me on the floor. I would alternate until I fell asleep (if possible). I switched the bottle out once, and then fell asleep. I was out like a light until about 4:30. At that point, the burn had subsided and I no longer needed to hold the bottle.

Here’s a fun picture to sear into your memory. Look at that honker on my palm! There’s another good blister up by my ring finger and the puckered searing you can see all over.

That’s the power of conditioning. Conditioning is an addiction. I’ve been conditioned my entire life to think that a handle is always cool and touchable with a bare hand. Now that I cook every night of the week, I have to restructure my brain to think that handles aren’t always handleable … or the consequences can be quite painful.

This applies to everything in our lives. Routines are sometimes damning. Eating habits are addictions. Television habits are addictions. Just because you’ve done something for years or thought one way for decades, doesn’t make it correct or right. It means the conditioning has edged out the conscience and rationale has taken over. Religion is a conditioning. It’s an addiction. And if it’s not broken or sought out, it will sear into the mind without question. Oftentimes, I believe, faith is confused for an addiction to a conditioned ideal.

This is the first time I’ve designated the “asinine” tag for myself. I’m sure it won’t be the last.

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11 thoughts on “I’ll admit it, I got burned

  1. Yowza. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    Um… would it be in bad taste to make a joke about seeing some random deity or biblical character in your wounds?

  2. Thanks for the well wishes everybody. It brought me to tears many times last night. Every time I removed it from cool water, I did that suck through gritted teeth thing and my eyes welled up almost immediately.

    It definitely woke me up. :)

    Jude, do you see something religious that I don’t?

    The blisters in my palm look like a japanese cartoon character eyes and mouth underneath to me. If you squint your eyes, it’s as if its hair is blowing in the wind.

  3. I see our resident christianofreak is back on the scene spouting his usual scribbles of drivel.

    Two instances do not a pattern make…. or is that something else your preacher brainwashed you into saying..

    And I thought 2010 had got off to a good start by zdenny being locked up in a mental institution for the religiously insane.

  4. What in the ever loving name of the FSM does atheism have to do with a burn that resulted from operant conditioning?

    Someone makes a joking reference to ADHD and this then means that “most atheists have ADHD”?

    The stupid, it burns.

  5. No kidding. By conservative estimate, I cook seven times per week. I often cook for lunch and dinner. I’ve been cooking consistently for over two years. Let’s go with two. That means one burn in 730 cooking episodes.

    Obviously, that’s ADHD

    The other injury I had was purely accident from a glass breaking.

    I cook more than 7 times per week, as I often cook for breakfast lunch and dinner. So the average above isn’t necessarily accurate.

    How does a person, who keeps a schedule like mine, concentrate on cooking delicious meals and maintaining my work load, qualify as attention deficit?

    That was a rhetorical question.

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