Quick Movie Review: The Karate Kid 2010 remake

I can hear you thinking, “What the hell did you watch the 2010 ‘The Karate Kid‘ for?”

Because I wanted to, dammit.

The movie wasn’t awful. The Smith boy did okay. The woman who played his mom was a good reprise to the original quirky mom. Jackie Chan was his usual mumbly self. Some of the fight choreography was pretty good. They did a good job redoing the scene where Chan beats up the kids beating up the Smith boy. They made sure it wasn’t all pedophile-y.

There is a point in the movie when you ask yourself, “At what point during the filming did Jaden turn to his co-stars and ask, ‘Did you know my dad played the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?”

There were some REALLY dumb parts of the plot. For instance, instead of moving to California, the Smith boy and his mother move to China, because mom can’t find work in the car factories of Detroit. So she gets a job in a factory in China. China. A down-on-her-luck black widow moves herself and her son to China to work. There are a thousand racist jokes here, and if I were a professional standup comedian, I would have a hayday.

Because only professional standup comedians can make racist jokes and get away with it.

At least in the original, they took the New Jersey tough kid and threw him in the plausible pretty-boy California setting. A black family moving to China? There’s a larger disconnect than evangelicals to evolution.

They practically stole the scene from The Matrix when Neo learns he’s magic. When the Smith boy learns he can fight, it’s as if he’s magically gone from idiot weakling to a kick-ass, magical martial artist.

Another dumb part: There’s a kiss scene between the Smith boy and the object of his affection. I don’t know about you, but when I was 12, if I kissed a girl, I would have mucked it up. I wouldn’t have handled it like a practiced adult.

And the fight scenes at the finale competition (you know the movie so this isn’t a spoiler), kids are breaking legs. Kids! Kids are breaking legs. And then they’re saying, “No, mom, I can go on. Now give me my binky and go sit down!”

I don’t care what country you live in, if you’re 12, and you have a broken leg, you’re going to the goddamn hospital. There’s no sassing — especially a black mother — fo real!. There’s no fighting standing on one foot. You’re going to the fucking hospital and that’s that!

Other than that, the movie was okay.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Image via Wikipedia

About these ads

4 Responses to Quick Movie Review: The Karate Kid 2010 remake

  1. Glock21 says:

    Just a split second before soda gulp, “There’s a larger disconnect than evangelicals to evolution.” Not out the nose! w00t!

    • Jeremy says:

      You’re in a great mood, Glock.

      I’m loving that you took a café hiatus, and now you’re making comments with a vengeance. Every time I walk away from my phone, it dings with another email indicating a comment from you.

      Keep tearing it up!

      • Glock21 says:

        I never left, just been doing more reading than commenting on the internet lately. Been saving my writing time for a school paper.

      • Jeremy says:

        Nice.

        Whatever the case, I’m glad for the comments.

        I hope you pull an A on the paper.

        I gotta go find the comment about your trigger finger.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 697 other followers

%d bloggers like this: