Dear Mr. Antelo, I am writing out of concern for the animals who consume your “premium” Hy-Top “dog food.” I have a difficult time referring to this product as dog food because my dog was confused as to why I would put something in his dog dish that was inedible. At first, I thought he had an upset stomach because he wouldn’t go near the food. Every time I prodded him to enjoy his dinner, he looked at me as if I was his captor in Guantanamo. So I threw the contents of the bowl into the garbage and waited until morning. The same thing happened the next morning. So I immediately went to a different store and purchased a different brand of food which he ate hungrily. Let me further illustrate my point.
Here is a list of things my dog will eat:
-His own poop
-My cat’s poop
If you observe carefully, your Hy-Top dog food is not on this list. You have, in fact, created the only product my dog has never had the urge to put in his mouth. Now if you could only manufacture couches out of the same materials as your “dog food,” perhaps my dog wouldn’t chew on my fucking furniture.