These underpants are making me awesome!

My running life has surged over the past few months. Tina and I run about 3 to 4 times a week. I went from about 3.5 miles per exercise day to about 4 to 6 miles.

My routine is running to the gym, working out (swimming or weights) then running home. Lately I take a longer route to and from.

You may not know this, but with more running, there’s a chance your butt is going to chaff like your thighs are sandpaper and your perineum is a sensitive nerve factory.

I grew up athletic. I played soccer and basketball in school. And, despite the warnings to wear scrotum hugging active wear, I have rarely succumbed to the advice.

In high school, if I wore tighty whiteys to work out, I would get a stomach ache that felt like I was kicked in the pants a hundred times over. I played soccer in boxers.

Lately, I haven’t had that problem. I will run in a bathing suit with underwear built in, and no pain issues. Since I swim, I would wear the shorts two or more times before washing (gross, huh?).

With more running comes more stinky, sweaty clothes. So Tina and I walked over to Target, and I bought a pair of Champion underwear like the ones above. I thought surely, these things aren’t going to work for me. I thought surely I’m going to hate them.

But you know what?

You can’t get my ass out of them. I want to wear them ALL THE TIME!!!

Seriously, they make my genitals feel warm and cozy.

I mean, I’m this close to taking Anthony Weiner style photos and sexting all of you!

When I run in them, there’s no chance of chaffing … none, nada, zilch.

Remember when you were little, and you got a new pair of shoes, and suddenly you thought you were faster and could run forever?

That’s what these underpants do for me.

When I pull them up, and head out the door, I’m faster.

I can run longer.

I am awesomer!

I put on Runkeeper, blast a little Metallica or Foo Fighters, and I’m zooming down the road. Hell, I even run to Mute Math. I hear they’re a Christian band … and yet I’ve not turned away from non-belief yet. How about that?

When I’m running in my new underpants, people may not know that I’m awesome, but that’s the look I try to have on my face.

“I am awesome in these underpants. Watch me run!”

From now on, these are my underpants of choice … and I recommend them to you and yours … so you can be awesome, too.

 

 

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4 Responses to These underpants are making me awesome!

  1. George W. says:

    Had I have known that you had not discovered the hybrid underwear (boxer/brief) yet, I would have pontificated on them for hours.
    I like briefs, they support my package and don’t have that poorly placed seam that bisects my testicles when they ride up on me. They also are less wedgie prone.
    I like boxers in that they don’t have elastics wrapping around my legs that I find uncomfortable- and they seem to help keep airflow and stay drier when exercising.
    Hybrid gitch is like the best of both worlds- something that rarely to never happens in the real world.
    Like having kids without having a moat of piss perpetually on your toilet seat.
    Like dating a hot Asian chick who isn’t obsessed with Hello Kitty, toe-socks, and bad anime.

    Fuck the wheel- the greatest invention man has ever made is the boxer-brief. I bet if pre-historic man had invented the hybrid banana hammock first, he would have never bothered with the wheel- since he could travel in relative comfort. (if you think you chafe in tighty-whiteys, imagine what a bearskin diaper feels like)

  2. Xina says:

    I hate seeing guys come across a finish line with bloody nipples. I can’t imagine how much that would hurt. I’m sure a chaffed butt is equally as unpleasant.
    I love Target’s running gear. It lasts through many years of washing and it’s so inexpensive. Only once have a splurged and gotten more expensive clothing from a running specialty store and it wasn’t worth the price.
    I bought a mountain bike yesterday and supposedly I need some padded shorts to wear. Unfortunately I don’t think Target carries those.

  3. Luis V. says:

    I use Nike 7″ running shorts when running, sans undies, There’s something unnatural about running with so many clothes on. For everyday underwear though, I agree with George 100% (you reading this David?!?!), it’s boxer-briefs all the way down!

    Having said that, I’ll never forget the time I ran my first 8 miler. Not because of the accomplishment itself but because of the grade 1 friction burn between my inner thighs!

    Once the adrenaline high of the run wore out, holy shit the pain! I learned about Body Glide the hard way, use it, love it, live it!

    Running in tights in the winter however, negates the need for Body Glide and is much more comfy.

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