Vote for Real Christians™ or perish in hell, bitches

Historical revisionist and dominionist Dave Barton tells it how it is … the party lines are defined by belief and non … and if you don’t vote Conservative Republican, you will find yourself punished in a fiery liberal hell.

If you need another reason why you should consider not voting that direction, here’s #4,693,012.

Via JMG

It’s 3:14. Do you know where your tingle is?

You know how some people see numbers and think there’s some divine significance?

Or like every time it’s 12:19, Tina says, “It’s my birthday.”

Or every time it’s 8:08, she says, “Gimme a kiss.” Or, “Com’ere and eff me.”

Well, every time it’s 3:14, I get a tingle in my tongle.

And by tongle, I mean brain.

And by brain, I mean …

By the way, we got our new Bed, Bath and Beyond catalog in the mail yesterday. Why do they even include the words, “Bed” or “Bath”?

The pages are jam packed with the “Beyond”.

I mean, iPad radio clocks, record players, high-def video cameras, handheld vibrators, battery operated wine-bottle openers … oh wait … that place is more for the bedroom than I ever imagined.

There’s a pillow that has an iPod hookup. That way when killers smuggle their victims, they can put on their victim’s favorite playlist. Maybe even Slacker or Pandora.

They think of everything at that store.

 

 

Science cat cooks up another funny one

An atom says to another, I lost my electron. Are you sure? Yes, I’m positive.

Via 

Never be embarrassed by your country’s citizens again …

If you’re embarrassed by associating yourself with the caricature of Americans gone wild, rest assured, these photos are about to make you feel much better.

I mean, the family who sits on Santa’s lap with an arsenal of machine guns and ammo stays together.

Yeshua was born of a virgin, lived and died for you so that you have the right, honor and duty to pose with Santa holding an AK-47.

And you guys get upset when I say I’m off to shoot someone. At least I’m capturing “souls” … not threatening to send ‘em to their demise early.

Notice the one guy with the “Infidel” shirt. Missing from the image is “I heart Michele Bachmann” t-shirts.

About the images written in the Daily Mail:

A gun club in Scottsdale, Arizona is inviting children to pose for pictures with Santa Claus – and a high-powered firearm.

Each family member carries their choice of weapon, from pistols to $80,000 machine guns.

Mothah fuckin’ spit to the mothah fuckin’ ding. 

More here. Via JMG

 

Oh emm to the Gee … I’ve often wondered the same thing!

Tweet from @codinghorror (Jeff Atwood) reads, “I cannot understand how Cosmopolitan magazine hasnt’ run out of “sex tips” by now.

Consider that your  Tuesday Nooner.

Via Clusterflock

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake”

Check out these retro poster prints from an Etsy artist named  Jan Skácelik.

You can browse more here and buy some if you’d like. These were a few of my favorites.

Thanks, Old Fart! Also via

Pizza Hut: Now Serving Vegetables!

People at Pizza Hut are clever.

Via tdw

Talulah and I losing at dice on thanksgiving

Just what the header says. We lost twice. It was awful.

The Story of God

Please go watch this BBC documentary on the the history of Abrahamic religions.

There are three of them.

You may have heard of them.

You may even think you like one of them over the other two.

The link will take you away from Le Café. Please take a look and come on back to let me know what you think!

RSAnimate tests

I did some tests tonight to try to emulate the RSAnimate idea. These aren’t great, but I feel I’m headed in the right direction.

Let me know what you think.

***update***
Some idiot I know left the sound in the video. It’s better with the sound off