24. From the mailbag

Badass regular reading Biodork emailed a couple questions for me to answer.

One: 

If you could only wear one shirt for the rest of your life, and it had to have a slogan on it, what would it say?

That’s a good question, Biodork. If I could wear one shirt for the rest of my life, what would it say? After seeing the one Herb Silverman was wearing in the last post, I would love to have that one. “Smile. There is no hell.”

Another possibility would be: “Fuck off.” I like to say that. I like the way it rolls off the tongue. I like the look I get when I say it out loud.

“Fuck off.” Love that line.

Another slogan that might make the cut would be, “Blood in the Tub III: Of course you know now, this means gore,” which is the title and tagline of a fictitious horror movie that I haven’t made yet.

Maybe it would have one on the front and the other on the back.

Two: 

If you could hop on a plane and upon arrival all the shit you need to do the shit you’d want to do when you get there is available and at your disposal, where would you go and what would you do?

That, Biodork, is also a good question.

If that were a possibility, I would fly back to Bali, and have a photo crew, a horde of model talent, a shit-ton (official term) of lighting equipment and a $60,000+ Hasselblad camera and spend a month shooting amazing people in gorgeous surroundings.

That there would be a dream.

6:30 p.m. CST 

…………………………………….

This is post 24 of 35 in the SSAweek Le Café Witteveen Blogathon. You can still donate to the SSA by supporting other blogathoners, art contributors, personal fundraising pages or through a direct donation to the SSA. SSA Week lasts through June 17. Spread it!

Let’s raise some cash and awareness for the Secular Student Alliance #SSAWeek

Remember that time when you were staring into the night sky, and you said aloud to your audience of croaking frogs, buzzing mosquitos and blinking lightning bugs, “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, see Le Café Witteveen post every 30 minutes for eighteen straight hours one day really soon.”

Remember?

Well, your Disney Dreams have come true.

I’ve signed up to post even more than I do already for one day, in an effort to promote, the Secular Student Alliance, an organization so powerful, they’ve reaching down to the power of the blogs to assist them in their plight for world domination.

And by world domination I mean, giving secular kids a place to meet, talk about atheist, agnostic and freethinking topics whilst drinking pop and finger foods in a college atmosphere.

Apparently, this is a big deal … this posting every 30 minutes to promote the cause. Other bloggers have done it and lost their minds in the process.

But I’m going to do it, with lost mind already. I mean, who the hell agrees to a post every 30 gee dee minutes?

Idiots, that’s who.

Check out the list below to see the other folks who are ripping off their straight jackets for a chance to raise money for the cause (click here to view the list on the SSA web site).

Read more about the blogathan here.

Be sure to stop by the sites to follow along. Throw some bucks at it if you can. I know I will.

I wished I had an SSA at the little, Christian college I went to. It would have been sweet to see all the lightning.

Be prepared to help me with my donated time. I’ll need submissions and ideas for blogs. I’ll need pictures of your navel piercings. Nothing says, Raise money and awareness like a good navel piercing.

I get (nice) email

Last night, I reached out to regular-reading Biodork and asked if she fell off the planet, which is quite easy on a flat earth that we all know we live on.

She was consistently emailing Peeper Dee’s and then it stopped.

And if you’re like me, you felt the air get sucked out of Le Café almost immediately.

But Biodork’s been busily proselytizing freethought like a good atheist missionary.

Honk.

In her response, she wrote that she gave a heavily researched talk to a group of atheists at the University of Minnesota on Thursday night. She wrote:

I was speaking about atheism and blogging, and I mentioned Le Cafe several times as an example of a great mix of personal, professional, thoughtful atheist writings and poop jokes.

See!

Poop jokes belong on atheist blogs!

I told you I wasn’t crazy.

She also reminded me that there’s a Freethought Festival in Madison, WI this weekend. I didn’t put the damn thing on my calendar, but I posted it here. I’m so lame.

I’m booked up today, but maybe I can get up there tomorrow and sell some Le Café Witteveen T-shirts (that don’t exist).

I mean, you know how gullible skeptics are. If they accept the Big Bang and evolution — what with its mountains and mountains of evidence — those fuckers will accept anything.

Am I right, or am I right?

Kentucky Fried Movie: Astrological Report

I found this video posted over at regular-reader Biodork’s Freethought Blog (FtB). If you haven’t been following Bee to the Dee’s progress over at FtB, what are you waiting for?

I thought of Biodork over the weekend. Some of you might know that Biodork volunteers as an escort at a women’s health facility, that includes services like abortions. Her job is to help women pass from their vehicles to the front door without being completely accosted by protestors who regularly camp out in front of the building.

It’s a shame that such a volunteer is needed in this country, but I — for one — am proud of Biodork for doing it.

On Saturday, I was out looking for photo ops, and I drove past Planned Parenthood (LaSalle and Division) here in Chicago. When Tina and I usually pass there, I open my window and yell at the groups who are picketing out front. “Educate yourself on the facts!” I yell. “Go find another way to love your neighbors!” I scream.

You know, insults.

But Saturday, there was only one dude, with a sign about praying for pro-life. He was reading a book.

If I thought I could get away with stopping in the middle of the road, I would have slammed on my brakes, picked up my camera from the passenger seat and yelled, “Who loves abortions?” When he looked up, I would get his picture.

Oh the shock that would have been on his face! Oh, the joy I would have had on mine! Oh the pictures and the stories for the blog!

Hypotheticals are so boring. 

Next time!

Spend a little time with a Glock

I just rolled by regular-reader and comment contributor* Glock’s neighborhood, and noticed a couple posts you should check out.

This is a great one on Bush’s third term. Check out the video of President Obama versus Senator Obama. It’s priceless.

This one about FOX news supporting terrorism is a gem.

And of course the narcisistic attention whore in me loves it when there’s a post about Le Café.

So go read them already.

And I say, “Comment Contributor” because I like all my regular readers, but I’m starting to show favoritism toward the commenters.

I mean, I talk about you guys daily as if you’re my close circle of friends. At any given point during the day, I might say, “Glock said supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! It was so cool.” Or Kilre said, “Were you looking at my bum?” Or biodork said, “Minestrone Minnesota!” Or Jude said, “Get a dog!” or Petursey said, “Bollocks Sandra Bullock!” Or Xina said, “I’ll box your face in!” Or Luis said, “I heart NYC.” Or SAW said, “I sell sea shells by the sea shore.” Or … well, you get the point. Do I have to name all of you? You all know each other by now, too.

So all you sweet-ass commenting cool people … Thanks.

To all you lurkers (yes you!), get your collective heads out of your asses. You’re contributing to reading, but the lack of responses are killing me.

By all means, keep reading. But grow a pair of ovum or balls and put yourself out there.

I mean, you have to have an opinion, don’t you?

Second chances

One of the reasons I’m looking forward to this trip (should we call it “Jezzasia”, “BangkokHotNWet”, “AsianFamCam”, “CamboFirstMud” or something else? context here see the last paragraphs and comments) is that I will have a second chance at doing what I had hoped to do during two trips to the Philippines back in 2001 and 2002.

While I was in the Philippines, there was a lot going on with my head. I was certainly not as matured professionally. Not that I’m über hot pants now, but I’m sayin’ … I’ve come a long way since then.

I recently pulled up three videos that I edited to music back then, and while they don’t give a perspective of thought, they might give a peek into my head and what I saw back then.

I realized I wanted to upload these videos a while back but haven’t shared them yet. Since they use copyrighted music, I don’t feel comfortable uploading to facebook, like the millions of other yahoos who do it. So in the most discreet (irony noted) and private way I can, I’ll share them with you all via my r25 productions web site. Think of it like you dropped by le café and you saw it playing on my screen.

Click here or the image below, and I’ll upload the others before I leave.

If you can’t see it, it probably means you need to update QuickTime.

And yes, that is me in the beginning sporting the worst, Puerto Rican goatee known to humanity. One thing I am proud of, though, is the attempts at animation at the beginning.

Bon appétit.

Be sure to leave any more ideas for trip names either here or in the original post. And thanks to Biodork for doing a call for names at her blog!

From the comments

Well-written response. Bravo:

We (those of us who are not clinical psychopaths) relate to suffering in others…we recognize that it could be us and we would want someone to help us in our time of need. The problem with this is that when we don’t recognize that it could be us, we are less likely to help. I.e., if we don’t understand why an alcoholic drinks, or why a homeless person doesn’t just get a job, then we are less apt to help because we can’t picture ourselves being in that position.

~ biodork