You can perfume a turd: TIME Names Pope Francis Person Of The Year


Despite the Catholic Church being mired in anti-gay and pro-pedophile bullshit over the past however long, TIME Names Pope Francis Person Of The Year.

Good job, Time. You’ve shown us that perfuming a turd is completely possible.

 

A whooper of a tip for all you homosexual waiters out there


Ever feel greedy and want to tear down your waiter while keeping that 18 to 20% tip lodged in your wallet? Well this is what you can write, verbatim, on the back of your next bill when the waiter seems to be homosexual!

“Thank you for your service, it was excellent. That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD. (Homosexual slur) do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours,” the customer wrote. “We hope you will see the tip your (homosexual slur) choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. It is never too late for GOD’s love, but none shall be spared for (homosexual slur). May GOD have mercy on you.”

If this is love, baby, you can keep it.

Read the entire story here.

 

 

Rachel Held Evans sings the good, goddamn gluttonous hits


There’s a believing blogger named Rachel Held Evans, and man, do I like her.

Imagine that.

You know what she did? She went and wrote a really great piece about biblical literalism. And if you have a few minutes, here’s the link.

Here’s a snippet:

[E]verything changes when it’s your brother or sister who gets divorced, when it’s your son or daughter who is gay, when it’s your best friend who struggles with addiction, when it’s your husband or wife asking some good questions about Christianity you never thought about before.

 

Hemant Mehta, this is how you post stats


CNN published an editorial from Friendly Atheist Hemant Mehta. Read it here. The topic is the growing downhill driving snowball that is non-belief in America, the world, and on the Internets.

I particularly liked his opening:

Articles and books about why millennials are leaving Christianity often focus on what churches are doing “wrong.”

They’re anti-gay, anti-women, anti-science, anti-sex-education and anti-doubt, 
to name a few of the most common criticisms.

I don’t disagree with those critiques, but there’s another side to the story.

While Christians have played sloppy defense, secular Americans have been showing off some impressive offense, giving young Christians plenty of reasons to lose faith in organized religion.

For instance, atheists dominate the Internet, rallying to thriving websites and online communities in lieu of physical meeting spaces.

What works about Mehta’s editorial is that he’s referring to stats that you can look up. He’s included citations and references via clickable link. You know, things kids are taught in seventh grade.

You know, he quotes stats, then links to them.

Like these two paragraphs:

A 2012 study by the Public Religion Research Institute (PDF) showed that many Christians aged 18-24 felt that Christianity was hypocritical (49%), judgmental (54%) and anti-gay (58%).

In addition, Christianity Today reported last year that fewer than half of born-again Christians under 35 opposed same-sex marriage.

If you have a source, show it. When I was in seventh grade, I didn’t refer to facts that were written in a book that I swear existed, but I just couldn’t tell you what it was.

Not referring to sources is like saying you have a hot girlfriend whom you tell your friends they’ll never meet, but BELIEVE me she’s hot and sexy. Her schedule is tough so you’ll likely never meet her. BUT she’s the hottest thing in the sack. I swear.

There are other things — like gods — who get this kind of talk. You know, “Zoroaster … he’s the best god ever. He’ll do anything for you. He created everything … for you! Just believe me!”

If you can’t produce sources, the only citation I have is based on a belief that you’re not making that shit up.

I guess the other take away from the article is that the atheist movement is growing.

For another take on the topic, check out Naked Pastor’s response, with a cartoon that shows the inevitable: evangelical, door-to-door atheists.

Let’s break this down a bit


Okay, so Freedom From Religion Foundation doesn’t have the best reputation with the FOX Newsers.

I get it. You get it.

The group, led by David Silverman, ask that public property offers equal space for a verity of religious or non-religious beliefs.

The conversation is a tough one, I’m sure.

Both parties feel they are protecting their cause.

But listen to the conversation itself. Even if you can’t understand what they’re talking about. Just listen to the rhythms and flows. Listen to it for the sarcasm and the malice.

I’ve had this type of conversation a lot. You know, you’re trying to stay reasoned and the other person is either laughing or hiding behind interruption.

I’ve been to counseling, and I’ve been to couple’s counseling. I strongly recommend both.

One of the beneficial aspect of couple’s counseling is learning validation and listening. I know too many people who don’t listen. They interrupt. They spend more time coming up with something similar from their own lives and not coming up with another question to make the speaker feel important and listened to.

When people don’t confirm others thoughts and conversations (i.e. blurt in stories, don’t ask for more clarification, don’t respond with a synopsis of what the other is trying to say), I shut down. I get bored. I turn off. What’s the point of talking if your “listener” is always talking over you?

What’s the point of conversation if someone laughs, scoffs, or responds with anything other than a headshake and at least the appearance of lingering on every word?

These hosts on these shows are other people’s role models.

And it’s no wonder the conversation turns to shouting.

How pathetic.

 

Everybody has a reaction to yesterday’s shooting


Your ears and eyes are likely jammed with images and words about the shooting yesterday in Sandy Hook Connecticut.

You may have heard that the killer’s name was Adam Lanza. He was 20. And not only did he kill his mother (possibly), I read his girlfriend and another friend are missing.

Likely, your Facebook feeds are stuffed with responses.

Of course there are those who blame the video games. The POV shooters. I have a hard time on that one. I wonder about those games desensitizing some people who might be prone to mental illness.

People are blaming that there aren’t enough emphasis on mental illness in this country.

People are citing the meme about far less shooting deaths in other countries with far less belief in God.

Many people are focusing on religious responses on Facebook. You know, I’ll pray for the victims. I’ll pray for the suspect.

Others: gun control. I have one friend who deleted someone for going too far to evangelical land and blaming liberal atheists.

That guy said, “I don’t know what I believe about god, but if that god allowed such things to happen, I’m not sure I could believe in that god.”

I don’t think the guy saw the irony.

I have another friend saying that Obama should have made a stronger stand during his press conference on what he’s going to do to make sure this never happens again.

On my blog, this post is getting mad hits. At the link, I posted a screen cap of a Facebook conversation with a girl who posted that stupid meme,

“Dear God, why do you allow so much violence in our schools? Signed a concerned student.

[BREAK]

“Dear concerned student, I’m not allowed in schools. God.”

Another friend on Facebook ranted about Mike Huckabee and how he is complaining without God in schools, violence is going to happen.

God has no control over an elementary school because, while there might be people who claim Christianity there, one established religion isn’t allowed. So he is killing or allowing the murder of innocent children?

My point is that my non-religious friends are up in arms. My religious friends are up in arms.

Hell, I just did a count for how many pages on Facebook have been started that read, “Adam Lanza [the killer] burn in hell”. There are about 24.

There’s Facebook page, Adam Lanza Connecticut shooter rot in hell.

I realize these are coping mechanisms. But I can’t help but criticize this as tomfoolery and an embarrassment to other believers. But other believers don’t speak up against it, that I hear.

I don’t have kids. Things like what happened yesterday make me wonder if not having kids is generally okay.

If I had to deal with the heartache. The turmoil of even telling a child today about what happened.

That a mass shooting could happen in his or her school. That he or she could be in a situation to fend for his or her life.

Bad things happen to good people.

Evil things happen to children.

My heart breaks thinking about it in a hypothetical situation.

Or you could lie to your children and yourself and not tell them anything. Keep on living in your utopian garden.

There are several frustrating things about this whole catastrophe. And there is little that betrays my understanding of the world more than when someone writes or says, “Thank God my family, my children, my friends are safe.”

As if one person has the magic connection to Jesus to keep this far from them.

As if God went out of his way to keep you from this same pain.

As if some people actually deserved this pain.

There’s one thing you won’t hear, among the people cheering on Adam Lanza’s burning in hell, and that’s: well, at least these children are alive again in heaven.

At least we can bask in the glory that these children are with their maker. That they’ve been healed. They are not in pain, but in glory.

This is one of the reasons I don’t believe.

Because no matter the incident. No matter the death count.

People will yell with certainty that Adam Lanza is burning in hell.

But no one, not until the funerals, will anyone stand in front of the country and say, “These children are better now. Better off. They are wearing silken white robes.”

Because as much as this country wants everyone to believe. And as much as they claim 85% believe.

The atheistic tendencies of people speak louder than they think.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t blame godlessness. I don’t blame god. I can’t blame satan either. I can’t find any proof that those guys exist.

The way I understand religion, I thought Jesus would be the first to offer Adam Lanza salvation.

I thought Jesus would intervene before hand instead of letting his “creation” be trampled by “evil.”

There are answers, though. And those answers could point us to solutions.

And if there is any glory and honor, we’ll fight to make sure this never happens again.

 

****UPDATE*** I was wrong. People are saying that the kids are celebrating in heaven. See here *******

Thoughts on assholery


There’s been something bothering me. Or maybe it’s some things.

Maybe it’s the Christmas season. Maybe it’s spending more time with friends and family.

Maybe it’s the idea that this economy is so tough, I have no idea if next week I’m going to have to find a job in the “real” world.

Last night I was listening to music that reminded me of an old girlfriend and I found myself a bit more emotional than usual. It wasn’t a longing for my ex-girlfriend. It was a return to emotions that I felt during our breakup.

But there are a zillion things are bringing the emotion right now. This blog for example.

I mean, Le Café represents ideologies that are completely contradictory to my upbringing. Some of the biggest readers of this blog are family, like my dad, my brother, my sister in law. I think my mom either reads it, or gets second hand info from my dad. But regardless, it’s understood that the universe-sized elephant in Chicago is the asshole who battles his former belief in Christianity via a public blog on the internet.

While I don’t sit here saying, “I’m going to hurt my family’s feelings today,” I can honestly say that my motivation is not to hurt them. I realize that it would be difficult to separate self from faith, as most people identify their person with faith.

My criticisms are surely offensive. (More below the fold).

Continue reading

This is the real reason that we must save the children! … Chances are it’s too late.


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“Rock ‘n’ Roll is the Devil’s Music! BEWARE. The hypnotic voodoo rhythm, a reckless dance down the Devil’s road of sin and self-destruction, leading you to eternal damnation in the fiery depths of hell!” 

When you’re roasting in hell and rubbing aloe superfluously on your burns, you can think about not heeding this simple advice.

You sinner!

Via Christian Nightmares. 

 

 

Mitt Romney shows how nuts he is and then how human he is in one fell clip


So there’s the clip above, and you should watch it.

It shows you how nutballs the Mormon faith is. And it’s amazing to me that I come from a home where Mormonism was the bottom of the barrel in terms of religions.

And between Mormonism and Democrats, Mormonism is more warmly received.

So when I go home during this holiday season, my parents would rather share their time with a Mormon than a liberal — a person who wants people to be treated fairly, equally and like Jesus would treat them.

Republicans are voting for a person who thinks Jesus descended on Missouri — the NEW!!! Jerusalem — than a person who advocates science and human welfare.

That’s how it is. I just need to accept it.

Billy Fucking Graham would rather remove Mormonism defined as a cult on his web site than have the liberal — who sides with Christianity — get back into office for another four years.

This world is messed up.

There is division in this country, and I can’t help but point in one direction as to who is culpable for pushing the divide.

Answer me this, believers, when Romney advocates siding with Jerusalem, does he mean the Missouri one or the one in the middle east?

Just so we are all clear, don’t ask Romney about his religion. Don’t ask him about his taxes. Don’t ask him about his plan to reduce taxes. And definitely don’t ask him about FEMA.

What do we talk about when we sit down for dinner?

Sandy brings us three steps closer to the apocalypse!


The above photo was taken at Avenue C on the lower East side in Manhattan. Wow, right?

See the original on Instagram here.

If you’re like me, you’ve been watching the Internets with great curiosity as Sandy unfolded its powerful arms and unleashed the giant storm onto the northeast.

As she used her fire-hose powered water cannons protruding from her mile-wide nipples and sprayed water and winds over the northeast.

I’m no bible scholar, but I get the feeling — from an ignorant reading of biblical text — that the apocalyptic end of the world is coming soon.

Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every week. 

Every month.

Every year.

Every two years.

Every decade.

Every … shit … what comes between decade and millennia?

Centurion ski boats?

All I know is, the more time that passes between Jesus’s promise and a cataclysmic storm like Sandy … excuse me … a providentially-predicted storm like Sandy … we get closer to the almighty return.

We don’t know the hour. We don’t know the place.

But we do know that “this generation” — this one right now! — will not pass before Jesus returns.

Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that it[d] is near, right at the door. 30 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 31 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Keep in mind, it might be the next generation, just in case this one passes and the next one starts.

But be ready!

It’s coming. And perfectly natural disasters are ushering us closer and closer to the pending apocalypse.

By the way, I am not relieved that Cindy Jacob’s prayers were unanswered.

That means only one thing.

We are alone.

While Jesus is trying to beat Ba’al’s Angry Birds score.

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Image via JMG