Check out this vernacular-laden, profane report on the futility of drinking Pomegranate juice from Lindy West, titled “Pomegranate Juice Found Guilty of Being a Huge Liar”:
Pomegranate juice is fucking dumb. It costs a million dollars, it’s hella bitter and gross, and all it’s got going for it are “antioxidants,” which is the scientific term for “advertising gimmick.” Which is why it’s so satisfying to hear that a federal judge has ruled that Pom Wonderful juice “used deceptive advertising when it implied its products could treat or prevent serious diseases and other medical conditions.” Vindication! Gimme all the oxidants!!!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a pomegranate, because a pomegranate is like part food and part game. Plus, you really feel like you’re a part of an ecosystem—like a pomegranate tree might grow out of your toilet at any time. Also, you have to work for it. Strawberries and apples? Those dudes are total sluts. Not pomegranates. Pomegranates are like, “Fuck you. Eat me if you want to work for two hours, still be hungry, and end up looking like this guy.”
You can read more here.
Now wasn’t that refreshing?