Talulah Time

Talulah works in my office with me most days. And by “work”, I mean she lounges in a chair behind me and sleeps most of the day.

I’m not sure about your dog(s), but Talulah makes the grossest sounds when she’s licking herself. It’s like taking the kiss soundtrack off a movie sex scene and multiplying the nausea factor by 39,020.

Today she started hiccuping while licking. Is dog strangulation legal under these circumstances?

I turned to look at her today while she performed her autonomous love session with her left hip, when suddenly she farted. Her nose darted straight for her asshole, and the lick noises turned into the repetitive sniff noises we’re all very familiar with.

I am convinced that if most humans could lick their own hips, they would have done the same thing.

 

Dropping the kids at Tiffany’s

This was forwarded to me today. Bon appétit.

Just another day at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s.  She looks around, spots a beautiful
diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.   As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little ‘whoops’ and prays that a sales person wasn’t anywhere near.  As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her and he’s good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s.  He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam.  How may we help you today?’

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?’

He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it  -  you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.”

And you thought it was going to be religion or science related.

Shame shame, know your name.