August 13, 2010
If I could bottle Talulah’s farts, I could sell them to the US Military as a lethal weapon.
She provides a seemingly endless supply. Each one smells worse than the last.
Maybe I could work out a deal to contract her out. With each lethal carpet bombing fart, she offers the sweetest puppy-dog eyes to lour in her prey.
January 8, 2010
This was forwarded to me today. Bon appétit.
Just another day at Tiffany’s
A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She looks around, spots a beautiful
diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little ‘whoops’ and prays that a sales person wasn’t anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her and he’s good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s. He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?’
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?’
He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it - you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.”
And you thought it was going to be religion or science related.
Shame shame, know your name.