This is the real reason that we must save the children! … Chances are it’s too late.

“Rock ‘n’ Roll is the Devil’s Music! BEWARE. The hypnotic voodoo rhythm, a reckless dance down the Devil’s road of sin and self-destruction, leading you to eternal damnation in the fiery depths of hell!” 

When you’re roasting in hell and rubbing aloe superfluously on your burns, you can think about not heeding this simple advice.

You sinner!

Via Christian Nightmares. 

 

 

Everything is Terrible! Charlton Heston Presents Sodom & Gomorrah

Remember that time when God appeared to you in the form of himself or an angel and gave you a message?

Yeah, me neither.

Even if this isn’t a cartoon, how could I take this story seriously at all?

I mean, there was a time when I did. And I cherished stories. But once thought about realistically, well, it becomes nothing more than entertainment.

Via 

 

Finally! We have proof that Satan exists. Phew!

Kelly Fenton (@kellyfen283 ) tweeted, “#MyFirstTime ad by #Obama is similar to an ad #Putin did. They must share the same advisor: #Satan #RussianStyleTactics #tcot”.

Here’s the ad in question.

I love that Kelly Fenton thinks Satan exists. No photos. No video. No proof. But Satan, the enemy of god, exists. Really. And he informs Obama and his supporters how to think.

Wait a minute. That makes me … possessed by Satan.

Unlike Fenton, I have video proof of her existence. And don’t tell anyone, but Jesus Christ makes an appearance in this video, too. If you tell anyone, it will shatter the atheist agenda! So shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Via JMG

 

 

 

Ah, hell nah! Heaven is real … and if your doctor says it, it must be true

Discussion’s over guys. Heaven is real. Newsweek has an exclusive story with one doctor who claims it’s true.

Therefore it is.

Done and done.

Stick a fork in that topic and have a feast.

How come no one ever has NHEs?

Near Hell Experiences?

Anyone?

I mean, except for starving children in America and abroad. Except for battered women with violent husbands. Except for little girls who are raped by men old enough to be their grandfathers.

Except for children who are “friends” with priests who can’t control their libidos.

Not those Near Hell experiences. Ones where the individual goes into a coma and instead of passing toward light and Jesus, they see Satan.

It must be that Satan doesn’t exist!

Weeeeee! See how easy stupid logic is.

More about the cover here and here.

 

Albert Einstein (have you heard of him?) sings the hits

 

The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this. These subtilised interpretations are highly manifold according to their nature and have almost nothing to do with the original text.

From a letter Albert Einstein wrote on January 3, 1954 to Eric B. Gutkind (real name). The letter was in German. Did you know Einstein knew more than one language?

I hate when smart people act antagonistically toward religion. It’s insulting. 

More info and context here.

 

Loving your neighbors all the way to Mars … just like a Jesus commanded

This morning I saw this update at Facebook.

It’s a Rotten ecard that reads, “Congratulations on wasting $100 billion dollars landing a remote controlled buggy on Mars. Not sure how this is supposed to help us poor people here on Earth, but great job.”

Seeing something like that yanks at my cognitive dissonance. I love science and I love humanism. And I don’t want anyone misunderstanding the importance of space travel, but I don’t want them to feel left out either.

And part of me wants to post something like this:

To which, Glenn Beck’s the Blaze responded that there are multitudes of Christians who are helping the poor. It’s the dumbass, liberal media’s fault for not covering the topic.

See the masses posted at The Blaze here. Here’s one example:

Isn’t it weird that the photos were ignored by the right-wing media as well? It has to be covered by poor, little Glenn Beck’s blog in a last-ditch effort to show how awesome Christians are.

Oddly enough, they can’t produce the same captivating images that poured onto the Internet after August 1.

Why?

Dropping the rest below the fold

Chick-Fil-Gay sammy from Hilahcooking.com … and it *was* better and friendly to gay marriage!

@hilahcooking #chick-fil-a #chick-fil-gay

When I saw the video from Hilah (pronounced ”High La”) Cooking dot com, I set out to make that sandwich. Tina was out of town for a girls’ weekend over in Michigan.

So while she was in her jammies having pillow fights, I set up the lights and video camera and shot a cooking video in which I made the Chick-fil-Gay sandwich.

I know, I’m sure I could have just written about the experience. But then you wouldn’t get to see my face when I actually took a bite.

The breasts I bought were a bit bigger than I expected, so I probably should have fried them less and finished them in the oven. Or maybe I should have squashed them longer. Beat those breasts like the red-headed stepchild I never had.

I also tried the spicy version of the sandwich. I added some hot sauce to the marinade and cayenne to the breading. I should have added more sauce to the marinade.

The other thing about the recipe is, don’t forget the buns!

Hilah forgot to include that on her recipe. And while it might seem blatantly obvious, this dim bulb stuck to the list verbatim when shopping. I had to go back out and get buns while my chicken was marinating.

So don’t forget the buns, huns!

Apparently Hilah made the video about a month ago, long before the recent hullabaloo with the Chick-Fil-A CEO Don Cathy.

And if you leave out the marinating time, the recipe is fast. I would say hands on, I spent about 20 to 25 minutes cooking. I would totally make these for lunch-time guests or even a casual dinner.

I’ll put the recipe, the original video, and the new Q&A video below the fold.

Bon appétit!

Seriously? This @BryanJFischer guy is on your team?

There’s been so much coverage of the Colorado shooting at a midnight screening of Batman Rising, that I knew about it in my sleep.

But the nightmare turns outright pathetic when a Christian leader tweets the above bullshit.

Bryan Fischer tweeted (already!?!):

“14 killed, 50 wounded in Batman shooting. We have rejected God, we’re turning into a 3rd world country.”

Firstly, what an asshole.

Secondly, that asshole apparently hasn’t read or understood the very doctrines of violence in his own “faith.”

Thirdly, who among you will “love” Fischer enough to tell him that his ideas are hurting America more than secularism.

It’s not about judging. It’s about marginalizing the stupid in this country.

And the stupid, it burns.

Lean on your understanding and learn fractions before you throw your eggs in one basket

I saw two bible verses posted on Facebook recently that caught my attention.

Mind you, these are verses that I loved as a Christian. In that way that believers do, I kept them “close to my heart.” By saying that, these were the things I recalled when times were hard or I was troubled.

This one is sort of long so I’m throwing the rest below the fold. 

See you next Tuesday Anne Graham Lotz: Pornography Sign of End Times

Anne Graham Lotz says that pornography — a non-human army —  is seeping into society like a locust invasion. It’s destroying culture, and it’s a sign of the end times.

If by “sign of the end times” she means a rise in my Levis, well, spot on good, Anne. You’ve nailed it right on the head.

You’ve splattered the truth right over your own face.

You’ve predicted the battle of the bulge against my shorts. You’ve prophesied the tent making skills of the one-eyed monster wearing a skin turtleneck.

What’s that? Huh.

Speak up. I am having trouble understanding.

Anne Graham Lotz thinks pornography will usher in the apocalypse and she’s not happy about it?

Is she a freaking idiot?

The end times equals an early meeting with her savior Jesus. She’ll finally meet her maker and she’s talking like it’s a bad thing?

Well, shrivel me wieners.

What a prude.

I like your spray tan, Anne. And your necklace.

They make me think of this sweet porn site that my Christian friends told me about.

Honk

Via JMG