This would make Xina stain herself


Regular reader Xina doesn’t like Praying Mantis-ees. I’ve posted pictures of them before and she sends me minor death threats.

I’m sorry in advance, Xina!

This little booger was dancing around our towels and drinks one night by the pool. He she or it leapt at my camera lens once when I got too close.

It gave me the heebie jeebies.

BTW: There’s a band called Praying Mantis. You should buy all their albums and blame me when you hate them.

Pope Mohammed and the Oil Derrick


“We’re doing the Earth a favor by relieving her of her oil,” says Pope Mohammed. He’s holding a powder donut near his mouth with his index finger and thumb. When Pope Mohammed hits the “TH” in the word earth, a little powder from his donut sweeps into the air. You watch it swirl and dissipate.

Pope Mohammed’s other hand is around a styrofoam cup of steaming, black coffee.

“How are we doing her a favor?” You ask after swallowing a bit of coffee that is sweetened with a little sugar, lightened with a little cream.

Pope Mohammed looks at you over the edge of his upturned coffee cup. You are with Pope Mohammed at a donut shop on Main Street. Outside there is an American Flag blowing in the wind. Across the street there is a Presbyterian Church.

A flash of a memory enters your head of a photo you saw on the front page of the local Newspaper. The image was of a young boy caught on a fence. Apparently the kid tried to jump the church fence, and he slipped. He fell and a fence spear stabbed his jaw and exited through his open mouth. The fire department had to saw off the fence spear before pulling the boy off the fence. He went home after some reconstruction, stitches and bandaging. The story and the image burned a hole in your mind.

“Oil is the pimple of mother earth, and we need to pop it,” explains Pope Mohammed.

Perplexed, you ask, “The pimple of earth … needs to be popped?”

“Have you ever seen a derrick fire?” Pope Mohammed asks. He has licked his finger, and now he’s punching at the white powder atop the wax paper in front of him.

“Um, no. Have you?” You ask.

“No. But I’ve seen ‘There Will be Blood’ and I saw footage of the explosion from the gulf last year.” Pope Mohammed is licking his fingers intermittently as he’s talking.

“Crude wants to burn [lick]. And whether we burn it in our car engines [lick] or it burns on its own [lick] that stuff wants to come out, and we should rid the earth of it for her sake [burp].”

Scrotum, bottom, or something else … you decide


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Tina was eating cherries this afternoon, and she hollered for me from the east wing. I went to her. She held a cherry stem with a double cherry dangling at the bottom and asked, “What do you see?”

I said, “Balls.”

She said, “I see a woman’s booty.”

What do you see? Is it booty-licious or scrotal-fantastic?

The possibilities are endless vast.

 

Wherefore art thou, Dale Cooper?


Twin Peaks is well known for its array of quir...

Image via Wikipedia

I’m rewatching the two sessions of Twin Peaks on Netflix streaming, and it is just as good or better than when I left it 15 years ago. The show is horrifying, and razor sharp in its writing.

The show shaped a view of the world that I might not have noticed otherwise. Of course there’s a spirituality to the show that is neither here nor there.

But there’s an element of “real life” to the show. When I’m in public, I get excited when I see the same faces. I even name them or give them nicknames. And when I see them, I excitedly say, “There’s Crack Lady!” And there’s Asian hat guy!

While watching the show, you can’t help but say, “There’s log lady!” or “There’s Curtain Lady!” or “There’s the one-armed man!”

It’s a great show.

Here are a couple quotes that I noticed and wanted to write down for later:

“Harry, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this.”  -Dale Cooper

And this one:

It’s usual in cases of strangulation for the victim to void his bowels.

Let it be written, let it be said, I not only miss Dale Cooper, I miss practically every character on that old show.

Our dogger has double directional output


Oh goodness, I’m tired today.

Talulah has picked up a stomach bug of some kind. Last night was the worst it’s ever been. She occasionally gets a bout of diarrhea or a barf here or there. But never both ends.

Last night it was both ends, and between worrying about her and her needing to go out, we didn’t sleep much. I’m exhausted.

Having a dog is probably as close as we’re going to get to having kids. We have no intention to pursue (kid) adoption at this point.

Although I’ve heard fostering can bring quite the income when fostering higher numbers of children.

Honk.

I’m not saying I have any idea what it’s like to be a dad. But the amount of time I spend training Talulah is significant. It’s changed my perspective on the world and definitely altered my priorities.

I spend far less time smoking crack now that I have her. And Tina’s not whoring nearly as much.

So we have that working for us.

If you know anyone collecting crazy weird-looking samples of dog shit and vomit, let me know. I could have Talulah produce some for you.

Happy Humpday.

And watch out for those folks with weird smears on their foreheads.

Hipstamatic: Man eating pound cake


I grabbed this Hipstatmatic shot today at Target.

I call it: “Man Eating Pound Cake.”

That’s because there’s a man eating pound cake. It just makes sense.

You can click on the image to enlarge.

Dinner Blog: Scallops with Butternut Squash


I’ve posted this before, but it’s an awesome meal. It’s scallops with a mashed up butternut squash in a butter sauce with shallots, sage and lemon.

The butternut squash has a touch of cayenne pepper in them. I haven’t made this since Christmas with my family in North Carolina. I want to point out that the cayenne pepper we used in NC isn’t nearly good as the bulk cayenne pepper we bought at Whole Foods. The cayenne we used in NC was made from crushed red pepper flakes, it seemed.

The rich color of the powder we bought and the flavor is worth the extra trip to a grocer who sells it bulk. It’s also a little more reasonable, because you only buy what you need.

Recipe below. Bon appétit.

Here’s the recipe. Serves 4. It’s from America’s Test Kitchen. So, so good.

  • 1 Butternut Squash (about 2 to 3 lbs). I did a 3 pounder yesterday) Peeled seeded and cut into 1-inch chunks.
  • 1 tablespoon half and half
  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • Salt and pepper
  • 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 1/2 lbs of sea scallops (I bought .75 lbs for Tina and me. But I made the full butternut squash, because it’s inexpensive and good for you … kind of).
  • 2 tbs of vege oil or canola
  • 1 Shallot minced
  • 2 teaspoons of minced fresh sage and 8 whole sage leaves.
  • 1 table spoon of lemon juice

1. Place squash in microwave and cook for 8 to 12 minutes. Turn once. Throw in a food processor with 1 tablespoon butter, half and half, salt and cayenne pepper. Make smooth.

2. Pat scallops and throw in a large skillet on medium high heat. 1.5 to 2 minutes per side.

3. Heat remaining butter, swirl constantly 1 min, add shallot, sage and sage leaves and go another minute. Off heat, add lemon juice, salt and pepper and pour over scallops and butternut squash.

Serve!