Dear Electrolux

Dear Electrolux,

Your product called ERGORAPIDO is an incredibly shitty product not worth 1/20th of its $80 to $100 (depending on where it’s sold) pricetag. Please take this vacuum — that figuratively sucks battle royale — and put it where the sun doesn’t shine. Please leave the broken glass and used hyperdermic needles I glued to its shaft in tact as I think it will enhance the experience.

Love,

J Rapido Witteveen

Postscript: Making an ElectroSux comment would have been too easy and possibly cliché.