Resolute Like Riding a Mule Named Paul Resolvere™

Through a series of zeroes and ones,
We established that I dislike fat, ugly people.

Out of respect for the goddess Succinct,
When you referred to said dislike as a fear,
You used the euphemism, “Cacomorphobic”.

Cacomorphobic means:
“Dread, Horror, Dismay, Malaise
Of ugly fat people”
In one simple word.
Yet not nearly as vulgar as its definition.
You thought I’d be impressed.

Wronged faces don’t typically
Turn this purple.

I burned “Badass Mother Fucker”
Into my Hello Kitty wallet.
logos punched you as hard as I could.

You were not criticizing nor admonishing me,
But using a simple term to reference
A Valid and Understandable Fear, Dislike, Disgust, Etc.

Maybe I don’t like to
Be thought of as common or simple,
But complex, depthful, and soul-full
Requiring flatulent gab
Where pithy compact adjective works fine.

Simplicity doesn’t do justice to my plight
Against the ugly fat people who
Share my oxygen and proximity.

On Principle for something as trite as opposition to a synonym,
And dislike for an exhibition of speedy impatience,

I remain resolute,
Riding a mule named
Paul Resolvere.
Whilst I may always be
Attached to a principle of hate for a descriptor
That will and may always define … me.

May my friend Principle never
Introduce me to Synonym.

© 2009 Jeremy I Witteveen

“Australian” Cartoons ≠ Funny

Yesterday, my dad sent me an email that purportedly contained editorial comics that are ONLY printed in Australia, because they would be too controversial to print in the United States. The first one was all I needed to see to know that the entire email was complete bull shit. Here it is:


My old man is smart. He’s probably more well-read than anyone I know. He can read a 300-page book in one sitting, and be able to give you a detailed book report on its contents. And he reads copious amounts of books. His addiction is second-hand books. He will walk in a bookstore and leave with a paperbag of mildewy yellow pages, read them in less than a week. My mom is forced to collect the books and burn them for warmth in the winter.

It’s surprising that he would be so whimsical to forward emails without doublechecking their facts first.

Father Background Exposition, CHECK.

Back to the “Australian” comics. FOX News isn’t a universalism. Australians wouldn’t know what the fuck FOX News was, just like we wouldn’t know what their local news networks were. A quick google search of McCoy’s name revealed that he’s an American Syndicated Editorial Cartoonist working right here in the good ol’ U. S. of A.

Here is another work by McCoy where he portrays Obama standing on a trash bin of aborted babies (isn’t it cute?): Continue reading ““Australian” Cartoons ≠ Funny”