Female Doctors: Exactly What I was Missing

Today I had my first physical checkup in probably five years.

My wife and I were at her doctor last Monday, and she was telling us about fertility treatments that we could pursue. My second semen sample results came back the week before, and the doctor was going over the results. My semen sucks. Apparently, I have a lot of positive semen attributes, and one bad attribute. What’s positive? I deliver a good-sized specimen. Mobility is good. Density is good. There’s one more aspect that’s good; I can’t remember what it is. Lemme see, it wasn’t the flavor. I’ll think of it later.

What’s bad? My semen morphology is only 12% normal. The rest of those bastards are either tail-less, two tailed, two headed, no headed, no tailed or any mixture therein.

Artsy McFartsy

Napoleonic War

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Dags

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Weekend wasn’t Glourious, It was In-Glourious

I saw “Inglourious Basterds” on Friday, and dogsat this weekend. The house where I dogsat has no wireless. While updating on my iPhone is possible, it’s not conducive to updating as much I’d like.

First order: “Inglourious Basterds” was glorious. I loved it from top to bottom. Sweet glorious gory “Inglourious Basterds.” Brilliantly driven by performance. It was riddled with poetic justice and allusions to a cinema history. It featured healthy doses of split-gut hilarity and solid, “Holy shit” moments. I could kiss Sally Menke (again) for fine editing. Pace was uncomfortably spot on. Great costumes. Solid make up and SF/X. As always, a buckled seat belt and misallocated resources are less than adequate for riding Tarantino’s bull. And by bull, I mean bull scheisse, because it was fantasy.

Fine, fine picture.

Dog sitting was great. I roasted a bunch of veggies for pasta on Friday night. On Saturday, I ran with the dogs for over an hour. They were tuckered for the rest of the day. Saturday night, I made tomato-based pizza with mozzarella, basil and garlic and topped it after cooking with arugula.

We watched “Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium” and “The Happening” on Saturday night. Reminder to self, “write a open letter to M. Night Shitheadomadalion soon, because that guy’s movies are torturously awful.” If I would have paid to see that piece of shit, I would have asked for my money back. It’s time for a change of genre, or for someone to sit M. Night down and give him a curt dose of honest hellfire.

I ran another couple miles with the dogs on Sunday. Wore them out. It feels good to go running with them. They are so well behaved and they get good attention from passersby.

I have to catch up today, but I’ll be posting some pictures I took over the past week in another post.