While in Carbondale over the weekend, Michael, Jason, Tina and I bought magical Jesus rings that protected us during our travels. They also excused us from telling people they were hell bound. I think my Jesus ring increased my penis size, and Tina’s ring gave her the god-given perfect boobs she was always meant to have, but didn’t get until she bought a $0.25 ring.
Michael and Jason’s magical powers? They turned straight as arrows, because you know how the bible hates fags.
Yay Magical Jesus Rings … Activate!
Le Café Wittypoots 
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