Repost of the Day: Emo Phillips (via Cynical C)

Emo Phillips:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

(via Cynical C)

Roasted Colorful Potatoes and Cod flavored with Lemon Zest

Last night’s dinner was roasted colored potatoes and Cod. These potatoes pack a nutritious punch, and they are simple and easy to roast. Just cut to inch-sized cubes, glaze with a little olive oil, salt and pepper (no salt for high-blood pressure me) and through in a oven at 450. Shake ’em after 20 minutes. Roast 1o more minutes and toss as many 6 to 8 ounce cod filets  that will feed your family into the pan, brush with more olive oil and cook another 10 minutes. Apply some chives and lemon zest sliced in long strips and voila, bon appetit!

It is so good even without salt!

Click here for a more detailed recipe. We substituted the potatoes. That’s the power of creativity. Enjoy.

Ann Coulter & Bill O’Reilly Go After Muslims & President Obama

I love you, Ann Coulter and Bill O’Reilly. Thanks for reminding me in less than 6 minutes why I don’t agree with your politics.

On top of that, if you say “moos-lim” with a southern Cali fake-ass, pompous dialect, it makes you look like an unwiped diarrhea-laden asshole.

I’m just sayin’.

The Stupid, It Burns

Damned To Heaven – On DOC Nov. 20th at 8pm

Jon Stewart!

It’s a sad world when these people are considered respectable sources for “news”. See how Hannity airs footage from larger “teabag protest”. I would definitely like to see the footage of Hannity getting teabagged. What a hairy loon.

WordPress doesn’t embed Daily Show clips so this link will take you to comedy central.

Clicking the image will take you to Daily Show site.

NEW Mr. Deity!!! Mr. Deity and Death

This one is okay. Not awesome. But it’s got moments.

The Best PR

Republicans help the Democrat’s cause more than they ever think. Don’t they know that bad news is great PR? Hmm, maybe that’s why the Catholic Church bemoans all their criticism, they know how well it works for them.

I love this picture I just got from my Dad (Senior Witteveen). Conservatives should cash in on Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize. It’s great, and this sign is creative and funny.

Somewhere in the back of their thick skulls, surely conservatives are scratching their heads about Obama’s peace prize. I mean, yeah, it’s bizarre. It’s a great thing to poke fun at. There’s nothing more whorishly cheap than saying, “Let’s make the Nobel Peace Prize something you can get while exiting Walmart from a quarter machine next to mega bouncy balls and super stellar sweet tarts.”

Facts are facts. The Nobel Peace Prize is still retaining its international respect. The international community — that isn’t reported about on FOX news — still has high expectations and proud regard for Obama.

Deep down, conservatives are staring at it, after they stopped laughing and kvetching about the whole shenanigan, thinking, “Wait, how can we get one?” They have to be thinking, “Obama did something to garner international attention. Maybe being rewarded for certain behaviors, idea sets and actions is something we could live up to.”

Or maybe not. Progress isn’t in conservative vocabulary. So while they’re all orgy loving on glory days and how things were so much better yesterday, we progressives will march forward into the century with our technology and ideas that make the world a better, peaceful place.

What a prize.

Sweet Schadenfreude, The Best Compliment

I got the best compliment the other day. One of the families that did a family portrait session received their shots over the weekend. These are relatively close friends of Tina’s, but not me. I’ve given them thousands of dollars in services and products to these assholes, and they’ve been the least respectful and appreciative of it.

Man, I’ve learned from these mistakes. They are failures that I will march forward with. But this compliment was valuable currency for me.

The wife told Tina that her husband was disappointed that he looked so “old”. SEE! Wouldn’t that compliment make you feel like a million bucks!

I have fulfilled my artistic duty for the day. I have reflected life accurately even if it meant a painstakingly awful wakeup sledgehammer to the head.

This husband gives heterosexual marriage a bad rap. He was under the impression that when he walked into the room, he was the hottest, youngest, best built guy there. I’m proud to have been the operator delivering the news.

This unevolved apish douchebag has everything. He has a beautiful family and a successful entrepreneurial  business. But yet he thinks it’s okay to womanize, to go out partying, not come home at night and to be generally absent from his family’s lives. From the outside, it appears that the wife is raising her family in a single-parent home.

Nobody’s perfect. I know. I hate myself in pictures, too. I’m not sure I know anyone who does. There comes a time, along the same time frame as commitment or marriage, that familial obligation takes priority. If you find no pleasure in it, you’re not trying hard enough.

The dude is human. And despite the mistakes he may be making, he deserves to give it another whirl. We need these wakeup calls. He’s listening to too many of his animal characteristics and not enough to reason and virtue.

So to him I say, “Debt cancelled, douchebag! My job as artist is done here. Now go get counseling and help your wife raise your beautiful family right!”

Now, if the right would just open their eyes to how douchy it is to consider heterosexual marriage the right and only way and that homosexuals somehow don’t qualify to get in on this sacred and holy business called marriage, then we’d make some strides. Who’s with me?