Christ-Like Cruisin

If you make it past 2 minutes, consider yourself badass.

It is a trainwreck.

If it’s not a joke, it sure is funny.

When this joke gets to heaven, god’s going to say, “You’re the guy who souped up his car seats and installed green fluorescents on his car for me? Go in, my son. Go straight to the wing store and get your complimentary pair!”

[Via Atheist Media]

6 Reasons Assholes Are Healthier (According to Science)

From this Cracked article, 6 Reasons Assholes are Healthier. Article reprinted not in full:

#6 Cursing Increases Pain Tolerance

Most linguists agree that the reason we have such a thing as cursing in human language is because it’s fucking awesome. But why do we do it when we’re in pain?

Like maybe you were making yourself a cup of coffee in the break room or kitchen and turned around to find that someone left a cabinet door open and that door is now smacking you right in the goddamn face. Hurt like hell, didn’t it? But it seemed to hurt a little less when you screamed “OH FUCK A SHITTINGWHORE.”

That’s because cursing can increase pain tolerance. It’s science. Dr. Richard Stephens of Keele University’s School of Psychology got 64 undergraduate students to stick their hands in ice water. In one round they were to choose a curse word of their choosing (though we have to wonder how they decided what was a curse word since for some, “dickfeathers” qualifies). The next round they put their hand in while repeating a commonplace word.

#5 Gossips Live Longer

We all know being fat can take years off your life, but did you know talking about how fat Becky in accounting has gotten since breaking up with Steve from sales can boost your health! OMFG, seriously you guys!

A University of Michigan study found that gossip has positive health benefits for women. In the study, college women were put together in two groups. One group was assigned to proofread a botany paper. The other group was encouraged to ask personal questions of each other meant to help them bond.

What researchers found was that the women in the group that was encouraged to talk and gossip had elevated levels of the hormone progesterone, which is known as a “feel good” hormone in women that reduces stress. According to Stephanie Brown, lead psychologist on the study (who, by the way, was totally making eyes at Dr. Bennington at last month’s faculty mixer), progesterone from human interaction is one of the reasons women with active social lives live longer than women who are isolated.

#4. Complainers Live Longer

While we may like to think that negativity evoked by their complaining will eventually kill them and hopefully not us, not all complaining elicits bad reactions. In the right context complaining can actually boost the complainer’s health and immunity as well as the health of those who share the same complaints.

Dr. John Brantner, a professor of health care psychology, found that cancer patients who complained about their aches and pains lived longer than those who took their pain passively and stoically. They were more more likely to demand more of the hospital staff to deal with the pain and take control of the situation. So suck it, Abigail Breslin’s sister in that shitty Cameron Diaz movie!

#3 Anger/Wrath Can be Good For Your Blood Pressure

Studies show choosing anger provided more positive effects on both blood pressure and mental health than responding in fear, which was shown to only be effective at increasing pants shitting and ass beatings.

#2 Men Who Marry Much Younger Women–or Multiple Women–Live Longer

At Cracked we’ve already mentioned how getting married makes you live longer. You may imagine that people most similarly matched would get the most benefit. Happy couples with the same interests, expectations and around the same age would do better than people who basically live on different planets. Certainly they’d do better than those creepy old men who divorce their loyal wives and marry teenage supermodels, right?

According to research, men who marry much younger women live longer than men who marry a woman the same age, and a man who marries an older woman might as well drop dead at the altar. Men marrying a woman 15-17 years his junior have their chances of dying a premature death cut by one fifth, and if their spouse is seven to nine years younger they still have 11 percent less chance of death. The same doesn’t hold true for men who marry an older woman. Unsurprisingly, they actually have a higher likelihood of dying early.

So how does marrying young help a man live longer? Scientists don’t have an explanation, but suggest the correlation might run the other way–only the healthiest, most successful men will attract younger mates.

Oh, and while they’re at it, they might want to pick up more than one. In cultures where polygamy is still allowed, guys who marry multiple women live 12 percent longer than monogamous men, even when you factor out those other factors (like socioeconomic status, etc). Again they’re not sure why. It may have to do with the fact that they tend to father children until a later age, which keeps them active. Or, you know, it could also have something to do with the eight or 10 extra titties they have bobbing around the house.

#1 Type A Personalities Survive Heart Attacks Better, No More Likely to Get Them

It’s not true, though. The sad fact is, Type A personalities are actually no more likely to get heart attacks than the rest of us. A University of Michigan study actually found no link between personality and heart disease. In the group they studied, genetics, not personality, determined how likely someone was to have heart problems.

Yawn, I fell asleep listening to an atheist blather

Last night I stumbled over to Debunking Christianity. I haven’t read his blog in weeks.

Well, hell hell, ol’ Loftus debated again … which I tried to listen to … but I fell asleep.

Here, you tell me.

The guy has cajones. He got back on the horse after D’Souza to ride again!

Bored out of my mind, I breezed through the comments on the DB blog while I was listening. There were some, “You lost” responses. Mind you, there were a couple from Christians, and of course they are going to say he lost. Not that any atheist would ever say another atheist would lose. There were some, “You improved” responses. There were some, “You mumbled” or “You got off track” criticisms. The guy who thinks John Loftus did great was Loftus himself. And it’s partly because he posted that, “Atheists always win debates.”

Loftus dares his readers to give him good reasons that he should stop debating. And he needs good reasons, none of these, “You make us look bad” kinds of responses. He needs criticism steeped in professional language like, “You’re a fuck up” or “The shit you say sucks big hairy ape balls” or “Pull your fucking head out of your ass. You’re being as delusional as we accuse others of being. Grow up and be rational about your lack of debate talent.”

I grew up in sports. I don’t watch sports. I like to play them. Sports are the main comparison I have to compare this to.

The tradition I came from was high quality, high calibre. When I was on the field, court, course … you gave it your all. Since I was a Christian, the parable of talents was something I took to refer to actual  “talents.” If I’m not mistaken, this was precisely the way the parable was taught to me. To a man with much talent, he must use it to its fullest. To him with little talent, he must use it to its fullest. Whatever you have, you bring it all to the table and you multiply it.

In soccer, I wasn’t the best guy on the team. But I was pushed myself hard. One day my coach pulled me aside and said, “Witt (they called me Witt), I want you to play to your ability. Listen to the guys who are better than you. Identify your level of play and push yourself to be really good at that.” And that’s what I did. I wasn’t out scoring goals, but I was a team player, and I would push myself to make my teammates look good.

The “parable of the talents” crossed into every spectrum of life. There were many bizarre things about the Christian culture, but one thing I liked was that the custodian was no better than the president. Each position is essential to success. Only, if you’re cleaning toilets, your pay grade is lower. But the Christians have one thing going for them … Jesus said, “The first shall be last.”

I play on a pool league now. It’s not much, but it’s something I’m pretty good at. At any league match, there are five games and eight players. So three people won’t play every match. One night, it was the fifth game, and I recommended a better player play the last game because we were down and likely going to lose the match. If we had a winning game, we might make a dent in how badly we’d lose. But a poorer player was insisting on playing, because he would be gone for a few weeks. I argued that it’s not about that.

Finally another player said to have the poorer player play. I looked at the poor player and said, “Are you ready to go?” He said, “Of course. I’m always ready.” But what I expected was for him to think rationally. The rational answer was to selfishly put down your pride and say, “Hey, the team needs a better player to play at this point.” I said that to him. He didn’t get it. It’s pool, not the World Series. So I waved my hand. “Go play.”

I make this comparison, knowing full well that it’s ridiculous. It’s only pool … at a bar … who the hell cares?

Well, I care … when it comes to people like John Loftus competing for attention to represent myself and other like-minded people. He’s not playing pool at a local bar. He’s now performing to the possibility of millions thanks to the Internet.

The Internet is great for some things, but man, this is not one of them.

It got me thinking. How can I be constructive about this?

If I were to talk to Loftus, I’d say, “Use your talent to the best of your ability. If it’s writing, write. If it’s putting in written word the arsenal of thought that another speaker could bring to a debate, do it. Loftus, go find someone who is an excellent speaker and mentor them. Stop trying to do a double somersault backflip roundhouse dive into the pool, when the best you’ve got is a lousy cannonball.”

Nothing is as it seems

Why do you like the shows on TV? Do you really think it’s the actors? Behind great talent on stages and on screens is an arsenal of writing, production, directing and editing talent. This is where the atheist lack of organization gets me riled up.

Do you know that even “Queer Eye for the Straight” guy was a written show? Those guys weren’t riffing from their perfect little minds. Those guys had a writing staff. They hired real comedians to feed them lines.

You know, I’d love to work myself into a public sphere larger than a blog, write a book, go out and debate. But that’s not my talent. Blogging is something I do for fun and for a sort of therapy. It’s not something I take too seriously. Hell, even Loftus pointed that out a couple times.

I expect rational thought from atheists, but apparently there is at least one who’s still latching on to irrationality … and it’s hurting the rest of us.

Play to your ability, Loftus. Be a team player. Find your talent and be successful at it. As my teammate, you’re making the rest of us look badly.

Stop it. Concentrate on furthering the cause. Yeah, I know in your mind you are. But in many others, you’re not.