Saturday Reading List

  • Oh Chick-Fil-A, say it ain’t so! Gay activists are bashing the incredibly religious fast-food chain for associations with anti-gay agenda. Read here, here and here. Hey, Chick-Fil-A, do you get happy from smashing babies against rocks, too?!?
  • The cure for loneliness? Date Jesus. I am not fucking kidding. Julie Ferwerda explains that dating Jesus is a must for anyone within a relationship or single. Among the list of ways to date Jesus (see page 2): Write letters, Record his answers, Walk and talk, Set real dates, Make cards or gifts for him and Study him. One major thing Ferwerda left out: don’t expect reciprocation, the sex is going to suck (he’ll never go down on you), and if you don’t worship the ground he walks on, prepare for a life-time eternity of torment. One-sided love does not equal stalking, insanity or absolute bonker talk. In fact, all relationships should be modeled after the one-sided affair with the ghost of Jesus past, present and future. If you’re unclear how to date Jesus, please see this very informative statement:

So how do you date Jesus? Here are some ways that work for me, but the sky is the limit for creativity—just like any true dating relationship. The key is to make it spontaneous, personal and a major priority. And then you’ll find that he begins showing up for dates—sometimes with flowers, love notes, and rainbows!

Coo-coo!

  • The Beastie Boys are still set to release a new album soon. Good news, MCA is doing well against his battle with cancer.
  • Prepare yourself for a sweetness explosion! Man gives ex an exploding dildo for Christmas. He keeps calling her asking for phone sex.
  • The Monkeys you ordered offers captions to New Yorker cartoons that are actually funny.

Thanks Luis, for the Date Jesus link!

2 thoughts on “Saturday Reading List

  1. hahaha…this was very entertaining. I got this in my daily google alert–thanks for your assessment. I can certainly see how you might arrive at these conclusions but 1. Jesus is alive and how do you know I’ll never have sex with him? and 2. hell is a total myth so I’ll see you in the Kingdom someday and we can all have a good laugh about this.

    Julie Ferwerda
    info@julieferwerda.com

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