If Noah’s ark were built today, modern standards should be met

It boggles my mind that if a man built Noah’s ark today, it must meet modern standards of safety according to this NYTimes article describing a Dutchman who built a Noah’s ark tourist trap attraction.

Even though the thing can’t sail, the eyesore attracts an astounding number of people willing to shell out their hard-earned money to see the parade of lunacy that is Noah’s ark.

Noah’s ark is a reminder of the completely impossible. It’s a reminder that many people believe that all of humanity are the product of incest upon incest, and that all the populations from China to Africa to Europe and the Americas come from a five-hundred-year-old man and his 480-year-old sons.

Somehow all that is supposed to make you feel better. It’s supposed to make everyone respect you when you repeat that you think it’s literally true. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, that there was no global flood, that all animals would never make it to one place on earth and re-disperse back where they originated.

It’s magical, though, isn’t it. And there’s a draw to magic like nothing else.

The same reason people are willing to line some guy’s pockets to see an unsailable boat is the same reason people are willing to pay Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol $262,500 to be the spokeswoman for abstinence-only pregnancy prevention education. They shell out another $160,000 in advertising fees, and a measly $35,000 to actual clinics.

The Palin’s need to take that magic act to Vegas.

Despite all the evidence that Bristol is not fit for abstinence-only pregnancy prevention leadership, she’s placed on a pedestal to the tune of more money than most people make in several years.

That is a mean slight of hand, you guys have there. Show me how you do that.

Abstinence-only pregnancy prevention should hire me. I produced zero children outside of marriage. Hell, I can’t produce a child within marriage.

That alone should make me ten times more qualified than Bristol Fucking Palin.

When I reached the dating age, my head was chockfull of abstinence-only education that completely fucked screwed manipulated my view of sex and marriage. I have that working for me.

I can be charismatic and entertaining if I try. Also a plus, right?

Where’s the address for this organization? I’m sending them my resume.

In the meantime, someone hook me up with the magic it takes to make money off deceptions like these.


9 thoughts on “If Noah’s ark were built today, modern standards should be met

  1. Well, I’d never write with such appalling grammar, but I can see the points made by the person in the “flaming” post you quote. Where to start… “incest upon incest” … !! My gawsh. Why doesn’t incest work today ? Animals “returning” to where they started… why – for goodness sake ? I won’t tell you what your problems are. But claims about ancient civilizations aren’t in any way supposed to make YOU feel better. That’s very post-modern. It not about you.
    I only hope that your readers will check out some evidence for themselves. There is very little that is “impossible” about Noah’s flood and the ark he built. Especially the physics of the actual structure as proven by Johan Huibers in the article you referred to.
    The REAL important thing is the promise God made AFTER the flood. check it out; you’re lucky to still be here.

    1. Did you subscribe to comments, “Amdrew”?

      I don’t want to waste my time responding if you didn’t man up.

      Amdrew, what kind of name is that anyway?

    2. >>There is very little that is “impossible” about Noah’s flood and the ark he built.


      Oh you’re adorable. I actually laughed at loud at how ignorant you are.

      >>Why doesn’t incest work today ?

      Do you understand gene transfer and population bottlenecks?

      >>Animals “returning” to where they started… why – for goodness sake ?

      Are you dense? Do you understand anything about adaptation to an environment?

      >>Especially the physics of the actual structure as proven by Johan Huibers in the article you referred to.

      No, he proved nothing of the sort. From the article:

      “Indeed, Mr. Huibers admits he had to make concessions. The ark is built on 25 steel barges drawn together to form a basin. A heavy steel frame keeps it rigid. Asked about this, he replied, “It’s much easier to make a wooden ark.” Yet modern safety requirements made changes necessary.”

      Yeah, steel frames are sooo Biblical.

      And the size alone still has nothing to do with its intended function to house a large number of animals from all around the world that all had vastly different diets and all had to shit. Good luck fitting that into reality.

      You have terrible comprehension. No wonder you think Noah’s story is possible.

  2. Your language, your lack of respect for Christians in general and the facts about yourself that you have shared in this article leave me to understand the emptiness in your life. No wonder you don’t believe. I doubt that you believe in anything let alone stories of faith. You deserve compassion and tolerance I suppose, although you don’t demonstrate it.

    1. What did I write that indicates I am empty?

      What would you say if the same thing was said about you bases on what you wrote?

      Your last sentence doesn’t make sense.

  3. I’m sorry I do not see the connection between Noah’s Ark and The Pain Family. Are you sure you deserve to be commenting.

    1. Seriously!, are you wasting my time or are you serious?

      You don’t see the connection between people who make their money in undeserving ways?

      That’s neat that your brain’s wiring is inferior.

      Good luck with that.

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