And on the eighteen thousand and fifty-nine billionth day, God said, “Fuck you, Pat Robertson.”

Soon to be bopped in the nose Julie Ferwerda recently posted a sweet-ass article to my Facebook wall.

It was for this parody article titled: “In rare public statement, God tells Pat Robertson to Shut the Fuck up.”

Julie wrote: “Thought this would give you another sinister grin.” She was referring to this.

I responded with, “Thanks. This is awesome.”

To which my paternal grandmother — a facebook lover and advocate — responded, “I know God does not talk like that!!!!!!!”

See what you did, Julie, you got my grandma involved!!!!!!!!

Notice how my grandmother and I love exclamations exclamations. We’re cut from the same thread.

You should know that it wasn’t my grandmother who responded. It was one of my aunts, who uses my grandmother as an alternative account to increase her points on Facebook games.


I wrote back: “Really? Are you sure, Opoe?”  (Opoe is our term for grandma)

I knew it wasn’t her. I was fishing for a response … and credit card information.

My grandma responded: “This is your aunt [so and so]. I know God doesn’t talk like that and neither do I!!!”

I happen to talk like that, so I don’t give a fuck about the language. My point is not the language, but the message. Someone needs to tell people like Pat Robertson to shut the fuck up.

Hey, Pat Robertson … shut the fuck up!

Here was my response (which I’m sure is going to get some play at family reunions that I’m rarely a part of):

I figured it wasn’t Opoe.

I hope God talks like that. It’d be much more realistic to conversational speech.

Maybe he said “Pat Robertson, shut the frick up” or “shut your stinking can, Pat Robertson” or “Clamp your darn mouth, Pat Robertson” and it got lost in translation.

Someone with authority needs to tell that guy to shut it. He’s making perfectly good and reasonable people look badly.

It shows that the guy with the infrastructure, the cameras, the sound equipment and the mouth aren’t always the best person to speak for the majority.

Yeah, I said it. And I mean it. I say “reasonable”, and I’ve been criticized for it before. I believe that the believers I know are “reasoned”. It may not be the reasoning that I agree with, but …

Was that response disrespectful? Sure.

Was it right? I think so.

No one gets Carte Blanche to say what he wants without criticism.

No one.

Not even me.

Give me what you’ve got … I can take it.

3 thoughts on “And on the eighteen thousand and fifty-nine billionth day, God said, “Fuck you, Pat Robertson.”

  1. “I always expect some people to be offended. I know I ruffle feathers but some people’s feathers need a little ruffling. And remember: just because someone is offended doesn’t mean they’re in the right. …You have the right to be offended, and I have the right to offend you. But no one has the right to never be offended.”
    -Ricky Gervais

  2. I love Gervais, but the photo of him doing the “look at my body posing like I’m crucified to the microphone stand” offends me.

    I feel it should be better.

  3. When it comes to Pat Roberson and some of the idiotic things he says, we need to offend grannies and aunts more often!!!!!!!!!! (oops, I guess it’s catching)

    Do we really think God wouldn’t drop the F-bomb? I mean, don’t Christians proclaim that God made everything?

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