Just came from the doctor, turns out I have humans. It’s terminal and it’s contagious.
Talulah and I share a lot of similarities and differences.
She’s a female. I am male.
She has a vagina. I have a penis.
She can lick hers. I cannot lick mine.
She can’t have puppies, and I cannot successfully make children.
She has fur. I am virtually hair free on most of my surfaces except where the sun shines most and where the sun usually doesn’t shine.
But pooping shows how different we really are.
We’re usually together when we poop. I leave the door open to my bathroom (sorry, Tina) and Talulah poops outside. It’s easier to locate her feces if I’m standing near her.
When I finish, Talulah rushes to smell the bowl. When she finishes, I go out of my way not to fire off any olfactory nerves until the bag I use to pick up her shit is safely at the bottom of the trash bin. Breathing through my mouth works best.
Talulah smells other dogs’ butts and will stop to smell another dog’s pile. I may run into a gust of Tina’s flatulent wind, but not on purpose and it’s always followed by me using her name or god’s in vain.
I know this will be exactly what you wanted to read about on this fine September Sunday.
Dave Grohl missed a real opportunity to put Westboro to real shame here, but I can appreciate the effort.