Hey there, here’s my business card … and a full-frontal view of my ass


Last night, Tina and I shot an award ceremony for a big client. We were asked to dress up. I had to wear a suit. Tina, sweat pants.

Honk.

She had to wear a dress. I was wearing the suit I got married in. It’s a three piece, tailored jobby. I love the suit. It’s tailored exactly to my body, and it’s amazingly comfy. I can move in it, and it makes shooting while wearing it pretty easy.

At the event, there was a cocktail hour, followed by a dinner, and then there was an award ceremony. During the award ceremony (which you saw a picture of earlier that Tina took), I had to camp out by a podium on the stage, and when each winner was called Academy Award style, I stood up on a step ladder and snapped a few shots and squatted back down.

I took several shots, and I squatted a few times, and it was fine.

The fourth time I squatted, I felt the seam in my butt split wide open.

“Oh sheeee-iiiiit,” I thought. Here I am, in front of everyone. There’s a TV camera positioned behind me. There are about 10 people who can see me, and 1000 who can see me when I’m standing on the stepladder.

Each time I stand up, I think, “Are the people behind me looking at a gigantic skid mark in my undies?”

I was panicking a little bit. Finally, I turned to the two people sitting closest to where I was camped, and I said, “Excuse me, I just split my pants. Would you look to see if it’s badly noticeable?”

I stood up and faced away from the woman. She did one of those scrunch mouth while shaking head left to right faces. She said it wasn’t noticeable.

Phew.

I still fretted it.

But I pushed on. And despite the seat of my pants waving like a flag in the wind, I rocked the shoot.

Maybe the split in my pants was god punishing me for not believing.

To that I would say, “Good try, Mr. Deity. My tailor is going to fix it for free.”

 

 

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