Thirteen Observations made by Lemony Snicket while watching Occupy Wall Street from a Discreet Distance

Seen on facebook:

1. If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn’t mean you would be a midget if you were bald.

2. “Fortune” is a word for having a lot of money and for having a lot of luck, but that does not mean the word has two definitions.

3. Money is like a child—rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there.

4. People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.

5. There may not be a reason to share your cake. It is, after all, yours. You probably baked it yourself, in an oven of your own construction with ingredients you harvested yourself. It may be possible to keep your entire cake while explaining to any nearby hungry people just how reasonable you are.

6. Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.

7. Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with them and have a drink.

8. Don’t ask yourself if something is fair. Ask someone else—a stranger in the street, for example.

9. People gathering in the streets feeling wronged tend to be loud, as it is difficult to make oneself heard on the other side of an impressive edifice.

10. It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view.

11. Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.

12. If you have a large crowd shouting outside your building, there might not be room for a safety net if you’re the one tumbling down when it collapses.

13. 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

Thanks Stephen


reblog: The Daily What, Heartbreaking Tearjerker of the Day

If you do nothing else with your day, stop by The Daily What and read this story about a mother, faced with her life or her unborn baby’s, she chose her baby’s.

Holy heartbreak.

There’s a video and a story. Here’s the first part (below). Click on the link above to read the rest.

Heartbreaking Tearjerker of the Day: 41-year-old Stacie Crimm was faced with her very own Sophie’s Choice: Undergo chemotherapy to treat her cancer and risk losing her unborn daughter, or forgo the treatment and save her child’s life, but most likely lose her own.

She chose the latter.

Crimm became pregnant in March after years of trying. She was diagnosed with head and neck cancer a few months later. Somehow, she managed to hold on long enough to give birth to baby girl Dottie Mae by C-section on August 18th.

I would wager a million dollars, this was not a case of, “Well, the mother should have prayed harder” or “She should have asked Jesus with more zeal for healing.”

The next time you say, “Thank god I survived [insert catastrophe of your choice].” Remember how often that prayer is answered with a big fat, “No, bitch.”


Jenna Marbles: What Disney Movies Taught Me

This video is NSFW.

But you should watch it. Or watch it until you get bored. Or at least get the message that Disney characters are not role models for your daughters. Neither is Mother Mary, but that’s a different set of tales.

At the Museum of Sex, there was one section on spoof cartoons based on Disney movies. There’s a scene from Aladdin in which he and Jasmine kiss on the flying carpet and it turns into hardcore cartoon sex. A whole new world indeed.

The bits in this video are a little bit done before, but Jenna gives her own take on the subject.


Pat Robertson: Those Struggling Financially Must Keep Tithing

If you aren’t tithing, how can you expect to receive an invisible being’s blessings?

Obviously, you must pay to receive the free gift of grace and salvation.

It makes complete sense.

About the video:

Pat Robertson tells a woman who can’t pay her mortgage or bills that she’s just not managing her money properly and must keep tithing if she wants God’s blessing.


… and we’re back


Tina and I flew back from the best city on earth last night. It’s good to be back, but it was sad to leave.

On Monday, Tina and I took to the streets. We checked out of the hotel, and got some lunch at a place called Market Diner (11th and 43rd), that might just be my new favorite NYC diner.

After that we walked to B&H Photo, but the damn place was closed for a holiday. I was so excited to get in there, but Jewish holidays actually mean something in New York, so you’re not getting around it.

From there, we dragged our feet with our heads hung low all the way to the Museum of Sex (5th Ave and 26th St.), where we couldn’t help but perk up a little. The Museum of Sex is a quaint little museum that features everything from Colin Farrell’s and Paris Hilton’s sex tapes, to those creepy life-size sex dolls that you can touch and feel.

There was even an S&M cyber sex suit that showed how people in Germany had cyber sex with people in Sweden over the Internets.

Walking around in the sex museum was a turn-on at times. There would be three movies playing around you with a girl giving head, a guy ejaculating all over a woman’s face and gay sex on another screen … and I looked around, and the room was full of hot touristy slash local slash hot women. At any given split second, you didn’t know if you were supposed to take your pants off or leave them on.

If I didn’t keep myself in check, I could have been an 18 year old with an almost uncontrollable blood flow to my nether region. The brain works independently of the will. Fortunately, I kept myself to myself, and we left the building without wearing handcuffs.


After the museum, we cooled off with a scoop of ice cream and walked over to this beautiful area called The High Line found in West Village. I didn’t take many photos, but it’s an elevated train line that’s been converted into a promenade/board walk kind of deal. Luis V told us about it, and it was very cool.

You have to understand, Tina and were exhausted at this point. Our feet hurt. Our muscles ached from carrying our equipment. So the last thing on our minds was taking another photograph.

We soaked up some sun, and watched all the Jewish families walking through the park. If you didn’t know, NYC is loaded with Jews. Some families would walk by, and they all belonged modeling in magazines. Then another family would walk by, and you’d wonder what zoo keeper let them out without supervision.

I kid.

After the High Line, we walked to The Pony Bar, had a couple beers before heading over to LaGuardia for our flight home.

We shared a flight with several of the models who worked the show and live in Chicago. Tina commented that they must have a model dress code that each one must wear black tights. “I didn’t mind it one bit,” I told Tina.

“Neither did I,” she said.

It’s great to be back, but damn I love that town.