Pope Mohammed and the Back Rub

“I’m not telling you how to live your life,” says Pope Mohammed, as he rubs a young woman’s back whom he pays to accompany him in public. You are standing nearby listening on.

“Seriously,” says Pope Mohammed, “I’m not telling you how to live your life, but I am telling you to live it differently.”

Pope Mohammed does this backrub thing. He says it disarms people. “It forces them let their guard down,” he explains.

He says, “A relaxed mind is an open mind.”

You watch him squeeze her shoulders. You watch him dig his elbow in between her shoulder blades.

This is the closest Pope Mohammed gets to counseling. This is the best way Pope Mohammed can connect with his followers. This is the way Pope Mohammed connects with the young women he hires.

You watch as Pope Mohammed leans in closer. His pelvis is pushed up against the girl, whose head is down, waving back and forth. She’s relaxed.

Then, her head lifts straight up as if she heard something in the distance.

“This is the part I like to call,” says Pope Mohammed. He clears his throat. “This is the part I like to call the eleven finger massage.”


Don’t you have anything better to do than throw faith grenades?

Yesterday I was accused of throwing faith grenades.

Faith grenades?

Lots of information comes across my line of vision, and I take it, post it, and comment on it.

Yes, I’m snarky.

Yes, I’m a bullshitter.

And yes, I’m obnoxious.

Did I blowup disciplegideon‘s faith when I said that prayer isn’t effective and actually calling someone and finding out about them is?

Well, if that’s a faith grenade, my work here is done. I’ve been lobbing destruction devices toward faith for a couple years now. I should have successfully eradicated faith by now.

Faith grenades.

These kids and their jargon.

Hey, did you hear that the war in Iraq is over? Obama’s bringing home the troops at the end of the year.

And that guy, what’s his name, in Libya got killed. That’s big news.

And little old me is throwing “faith grenades” on a little blog on the Internets in which you have a choice to read or not to read. To change the channel. To go elsewhere. If you want to avoid faith grenades — breaking news flash — you can!

And for the low, low price of $1,000,000, I’ll stop throwing them forever. Please let me know and I’ll send you a PayPal invoice.

Hell, I’ll do it for $500,000.


It’s Caturday!

It is Caturday, you know. And why not celebrate with a photo of Zoe drinking water out of a dish with multiple language spellings of cat.

Zoe and Talulah are clearly not the animals we started with over a year ago. Zoe doesn’t run from Talulah or swat at her. She isn’t afraid to walk right past Talulah anymore, which we think is the cat’s pajamas.