It’s 3:14. Do you know where your tingle is?


You know how some people see numbers and think there’s some divine significance?

Or like every time it’s 12:19, Tina says, “It’s my birthday.”

Or every time it’s 8:08, she says, “Gimme a kiss.” Or, “Com’ere and eff me.”

Well, every time it’s 3:14, I get a tingle in my tongle.

And by tongle, I mean brain.

And by brain, I mean …

By the way, we got our new Bed, Bath and Beyond catalog in the mail yesterday. Why do they even include the words, “Bed” or “Bath”?

The pages are jam packed with the “Beyond”.

I mean, iPad radio clocks, record players, high-def video cameras, handheld vibrators, battery operated wine-bottle openers … oh wait … that place is more for the bedroom than I ever imagined.

There’s a pillow that has an iPod hookup. That way when killers smuggle their victims, they can put on their victim’s favorite playlist. Maybe even Slacker or Pandora.

They think of everything at that store.

 

 

Never be embarrassed by your country’s citizens again …


If you’re embarrassed by associating yourself with the caricature of Americans gone wild, rest assured, these photos are about to make you feel much better.

I mean, the family who sits on Santa’s lap with an arsenal of machine guns and ammo stays together.

Yeshua was born of a virgin, lived and died for you so that you have the right, honor and duty to pose with Santa holding an AK-47.

And you guys get upset when I say I’m off to shoot someone. At least I’m capturing “souls” … not threatening to send ’em to their demise early.

Notice the one guy with the “Infidel” shirt. Missing from the image is “I heart Michele Bachmann” t-shirts.

About the images written in the Daily Mail:

A gun club in Scottsdale, Arizona is inviting children to pose for pictures with Santa Claus – and a high-powered firearm.

Each family member carries their choice of weapon, from pistols to $80,000 machine guns.

Mothah fuckin’ spit to the mothah fuckin’ ding. 

More here. Via JMG