Don’t you love a man who can jump into the air and slap a rubber penis to the ground

If you were Russian and at dumb press conferences, you’d be installing helicopter blades on dildos, too.

I wish someone would have thought of that for the Cindy Jacobs video below.

At least people would be able to laugh at getting dicked over.

Via Pharyngula

Also of note from PZ: Jake Finkbonner experiences a modern day miracle! Too bad hospitals were involved.

And PZ tells why women menstruate. And (surprise!) it’s not because of the Genesis curse.

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Understanding the Times told Cindy Jacobs to tell you that Satan runs schools

Cindy Jacobs is using a resource that my high school teachers used to teach me that Satan has his hold on the American school system.

The difference between Cindy Jacobs and I is that I picked up books that weren’t from the propaganda-laden Understanding the Times series and learned a thing or two.

I was taught to say the same words verbatim that Cindy is saying in the video about John Dewey. It’s absolute garbage. And she believes what she’s saying, because she learned it from someone she viewed as an authority. But none of it stands up under scrutiny. She’s embarrassing herself.

Understanding the Times is a series of educational materials that evangelicals and home schoolers use to make their kids look like idiots in the real world. And if kids don’t learn the difference between real education and the wildly asinine religious one, they bumble their ways through life with repeating information so proven untrue that it likely won’t phase them.

The class also teaches kids to revel in failure. Because failure in the eyes of humanity is success in the eyes of an unseen deity.

Understanding the Times is a proven way to make kids look like idiots. And it’s time parents, teachers and administrators stopped brainwashing kids with that tripe.

It’s Wednesdog!

 

Today’s Wednesdog is brought to you by Lola. Lola is one of our neighborhood hound dogs. She’s a beautiful canine.

I swear, if you were ever caught in a storm or you needed a blanket, her ears would work well to cover your entire body.

We’ve seen Lola lately quite a lot. Her owner walks her near where we play with Talulah, and we try to get them to play together. It doesn’t always work. Talulah often ignores other dogs when her ball is involved.

Lola’s mom was telling me that Lola often eats a little dirt and she finds it in her poop. Talulah eats Tina’s hair that she puts on the rim of the tub after a shower. Then her poop gets held together by strands of hair and we have to yank it out of her butt.

Aren’t dogs lovely?

Let’s give it up for Lola.

I’m talking to you in my nasally voice

I’m not feeling so hot today.

My head is foggy.

My sore is throat.

My drips are sinus-y.

Did you see what I did there?

Gift giving

Tina and I decided that our corporate gift this year to our clients was a donation in their honor to the food bank in their cities. We made several donations before noticing that I had a typo in the message we were sending. A “you” instead of “your”.

I should not have been in charge of this today.

But we wanted to do it. And it feels good to help a few people in need on behalf of the companies who help feed us.

We found out that many of our clients are off this week, so they won’t be getting the email notifications until they get back after the new year. Which means there’s a chance we might get overlooked.

Gosh, I hope not.

Burgers, Beer and TV Reruns

Last night, Tina and I met up with regular reader Paul and his lovely wife Peggy for dinner and some local theater arts. We both knew Paul and met Peggy for the first time.

Tina and I have known Paul for almost 11 years. He freelanced for the same company we worked for when Tina and I met. We stayed in touch over the years.We both worked as freelancers and I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve seen him in person.

He didn’t know about my atheism, of course, but one day he stumbled on this blog, and now he frequents to see what we’re up to. He shares similar views, and I look forward to spending more time talking about it. As an atheist, you know there are a lot of us out there, but we don’t group up that often. It’s not weekly, put it that way.

I have to say that Paul, and now that I’ve met Peggy, have to be some of the most generous people I’ve ever met. I remember seeing the gifts that he sent over to our mutual client. I take that back, I remember hearing about it. People would say, “I can’t wait till Paul’s annual gift gets here. I call dibs on X.” It was usually a tin of treats that everyone seemed to fight over.

Last night, Paul and Peggy brought Tina a birthday gift, which was such a kind gesture.

We didn’t talk too much non-belief talk last night, but I can tell we could probably work the topic for much longer than we did. It was refreshing to hang out with open non-believers, and we’re looking forward to more get togethers.

Hamburger Mary’s!

We ate at this place called Hamburger Mary’s, which is located in the Andersonville neighborhood a few blocks from our condo. Andersonville is a super cool neighborhood that happens to be heavily populated with the LGTB community. Hamburger Mary’s claims to be the first LGTB run and operated franchise in the US. The burgers are amazing. The atmosphere really cool, too. They like straight people, too … you know, because they understand you were born that way. So all are welcome! How about that.

After dinner, we  walked upstairs to a small theatre space to see a performance from A Reasonable Facsimile Theatre Company. ARFTCo’s schtick is that they perform bits from your favorite television shows. Last night, they did some Seinfeld, The O.C., 30 Rock and The Colbert Report.

It was highly entertaining and funny. The actors read straight from scripts that were in binders, which can be hit or miss. But all in all, there is some really funny talent, and some people you can imagine would make it in larger theatre.

I know, I know, it’s Wednesdog. I’m working on it. I didn’t get a chance to schedule ahead this week, and it’s biting me in the ass.

 

Wednesday nooner: ZZ Twat

Over the weekend we went to a holiday party. The attendees were primarily in the design industry. There’s a lot of creativity in the room, and where there’s creativity, there’s a lot of cool.

Honk.

Hell, there was so much coolness that the temperature caused condensation on the windows.

One woman I talked to told me about her halloween costume. She and a friend went as ZZ Twat, a ripoff spinoff of ZZ Top.

They went as rockstars with hats and funny jackets, but instead of beards, they had Rapunzel-length, wavy pubic hair issuing from their pants.

I’m pretty sure I’ve dreamed of ZZ Twat every night since.

The Jefferson Bible


From the wiki on the Jefferson bible:

The Jefferson Bible, or The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth as it is formally titled, was Thomas Jefferson‘s effort to extract the doctrine of Jesus by removing sections of the New Testament containing supernatural aspects as well as perceived misinterpretations he believed had been added by the Four Evangelists.

From founding father Thomas Jefferson’s own pen:

In extracting the pure principles which he taught, we should have to strip off the artificial vestments in which they have been muffled by priests, who have travestied them into various forms, as instruments of riches and power to themselves. We must dismiss the Platonists and Plotinists, the Stagyrites and Gamalielites, theEclectics, the Gnostics and Scholastics, their essences and emanations, their logos and demiurges, aeons and daemons, male and female, with a long train of … or, shall I say at once, of nonsense. We must reduce our volume to the simple evangelists, select, even from them, the very words only of Jesus, paring off the amphibologisms into which they have been led, by forgetting often, or not understanding, what had fallen from him, by giving their own misconceptions as his dicta, and expressing unintelligibly for others what they had not understood themselves. There will be found remaining the most sublime and benevolent code of morals which has ever been offered to man. I have performed this operation for my own use, by cutting verse by verse out of the printed book, and arranging the matter which is evidently his, and which is as easily distinguishable as diamonds in a dunghill. The result is an octavo of forty-six pages, of pure and unsophisticated doctrines.

More.