God has special red phone with Pat Robertson’s number and called him *directly*

Wouldn’t you know it!?! Pat Robertson is hogging God. He actually talked to him, and God gave him direct words to relay to humanity.

God also told Patty who the next president of the United States is, but he can’t talk about it. God told him to keep his mouth shut on that one.

Imagine that, God told Pat, and this would be a verifiable fact that could come true and show us God and Pat are soul buddies.

But that’s beside the point, at 2:22 in the video above, Pat says, “God said, and I quote …”

Now I could be wrong, but God hasn’t talked to anyone directly since John the Revelator (if you believe that kind of thing). And if you don’t, well, he never said boo to anyone. It’s all a made up bunch of stories.

Anyway, take a look a the clip. Throw me a couple funny lines that stuck out to you in the comments. The damn 2.5 minutes is chockfull of great quotes.

Hey Mr. Robertson, quit hogging Jesus and share him with the rest of us. We’re dying to hear straight from the horse’s mouth. And oh yeah, when you were talking about Obama, you forgot Romans 13:1 that says God places every authority in power. So you’re kinda really not following the bible you claim you follow.


Bachmann: That’s a gotcha question

Palin leads the pack by influencing new vocabulary. “Gotcha questions”? Really?

And how is a woman who started a business qualified to be president of the United States of America?

I get it. Obama wasn’t qualified either.

But she equates starting a business with qualifications.

That means I should be president too.

Hmm, that’s a thought.

Hey Bachmann, it’s time to retire the dumbass position of gay = evil just like you’ve retired so many other dumbass ideas in the bible. Apparently it needs repeating every five minutes with these people.


Chicago pit bulls attack jogger

This story pisses me off. Yesterday, there were reports of a runner on South Lake Shore getting attacked by two pit bulls who mysteriously got loose. Article here.

“Shit!” I screamed. “That doesn’t help our plight!”

We struggle with people’s perceptions of the pit bull breed, because our Talulah is a pit-boxer mix. I train the hell out of Talulah for this very reason.

These two pit bulls attacked the jogger, who called out for help. They couldn’t fight off the pit bulls with fucking  baseball bats, so the cops had to shoot them.

The Chicago Trib ended their article with this paragraph (emphasis mine):

“The sad part is, joggers are interesting to dogs. A jogger is almost by definition appealing to a dog,” she said. “Our advice to anybody is if you’re out someplace (and a dog charges), you’re not going to outrun it so be as still as possible, don’t make eye contact and look down. If a dog is acting threatening, curl up into a ball and try to protect your internal organs.

Curl up in a ball and protect your internal organs? Holy shit.

I’m not pissed off at the dogs. It’s not the dogs. It’s the owners. The goddamn owners probably kept the dogs in the yard full time. Pits are smart, and they need exercise. If you coop them up, they will get out and get their run on. The pit bulls were so desperate to play fetch, they grabbed the first thing they saw that was moving.

That owner should get more than fined. 

On New Year’s Day, Tina and I watched a rerun of a Dog Whisperer episode about two pits who couldn’t get along. In one scene after months of Cesar’s work, they brought the pit in question to an open space to meet with other dogs. The pit attacked another pit bull. It latched on to the pit’s mouth and would not let go.

They are a strong breed. That’s for sure. They are a breed you should take seriously, but a well-trained pit bull — some believe — is one of the best family dogs you can have.

Here’s another paragraph in the article:

“The problem with (pit bulls) is not that they are bad dogs. The problem with the breed is people get them and don’t socialize them and don’t take them for training and they’re strong dogs,” she said. “The reality is we need to hold people responsible that if you get a dog, you are responsible for everything that happens.”

Training and socialization is key. It’s definitely re-invigorated my effort to find new tricks and ways to make Talulah even better behaved.

I mean, Jesus, if you saw our Christmas card, you can get an inkling of understanding that Talulah is well behaved. Most of those shots are purposefully commanded.

I didn’t do a ton of takes. I got what I wanted and edited.

Talulah is a star.

There are a lot of stories about bad parents who shouldn’t have kids … but this is a story about a dog owner who shouldn’t own dogs.

Thanks, asshole, for perpetuating a stereotype that the rest of us good guys have to put up with.