Religious humor


Extreme regular reader Old Fart emailed me a few religious jokes today. I thought a few of them were kind of funny. Thought I would share them anyway.

Try to contain your laughter.

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 

  1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s Chosen People.
  2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
  3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
  4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

GOOD SAMARITAN 

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up..”

DID NOAH FISH? 

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

UNANSWERED PRAYER 

The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.” “How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

 

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Seriously, I was only gone about two weeks. I’m still surprised to see America’s head above water. Here’s a Debbie Downer from The Daily What.

Two words why I abstained from blogging here while in Bali: Scaredy Cat


Just before leaving for Bali, I read a post over at Pharyngula that said an Indonesian secularist got into trouble by posting atheist thoughts on a Facebook page.

I reached out to you all and asked for recommendations.

To be fair, part of me wanted to blog while gone, but the other part wanted to take a break. I knew I wanted to blog pictures for my pro website, but possibly not here.

So when some of you recommended staying off, I thought it was validation enough to take a break. Then I asked if any of you wanted the blog while I was gone, and I was excited that George took to the call. He did a great job.

Check’s in the mail, Gee Dub!

Before leaving, my dad sent me a map and a movie about Indonesia. Part of the map is pictured above. Of course I looked over it before I left, but nothing really prepares you for something like experience. And then after experience, these kinds of things make more sense.

Over on the left, there is a line that reads, “State ideology: Pancasila.” I had to look up the word Pancasila, and the wiki link is helpful. It says this:

Pancasila (pronounced [pantʃaˈsila]) is the official philosophical foundation of the Indonesian state. Pancasila consists of two Old Javanese words, “pañca” meaning five, and “sīla” meaning principles. It comprises five principles held to be inseparable and interrelated:

  1. Belief in the one and only God, (in IndonesianKetuhanan Yang Maha Esa).
  2. Just and civilized humanity, (in Indonesian, Kemanusiaan Yang Adil dan Beradab).
  3. The unity of Indonesia, (in Indonesian, Persatuan Indonesia).
  4. Democracy guided by the inner wisdom in the unanimity arising out of deliberations amongst representatives (in Indonesian, Kerakyatan Yang Dipimpin oleh Hikmat Kebijaksanaan, Dalam Permusyawaratan dan Perwakilan)
  5. Social justice for all of the people of Indonesia (in IndonesianKeadilan Sosial bagi seluruh Rakyat Indonesia)

Indonesia is primarily muslim, and in that regard, one and only God refers to Allah, but they also include some Christians and then Bali, which is Hindu. Somehow Indonesia is able to reconcile polytheism with the state credo of monotheism.

It makes no sense to me either. In the article at wiki, it talks about some of the criticism of this statement. But that’s not my point.

When in Rome … 

Basically, what it did for me was double validate that writing on an atheist blog might not be in my best interest while in Indonesia.

You might be scratching your head right now wondering, why am I writing all this?

Well, I’ll tell you.

Look over on the right side of the shot above. It reads, “Historical Highlights: an Ancient Land, a Young Nation.”

Beneath that, it talks about Indonesia reaching its fingers back into history close to a million years with the discovery of the skull, teeth and femur of the Java Man or “Pithecanthropus erectus”.

Yes, yes, yes, we all understand that there is some controversy about this discovery. But let’s look at this from another perspective.

Here is a Muslim nation that has no problem embracing a scientific theory that man evolved from another primate. In a part of the map not pictured, it talks about how humans and apes share 99.9% of their genetic information.

Do you read what I’m writing?

Those poor, third-world, backwards Indonesian idiots accept science.

These ignorant, sex-loving, chest beating, elaborately dressed, culture-loving morons think the world and universe is millions and billions of years old and not 6,000 to 10,000 years old.

These pathetic, ignoramuses understand the concept of evolution better than 63% of smart, brilliant, better-than-thou, pompous, greedy, first-world Americans!

It must be the devil, because there can’t be any other explanation for a country with a saturation of plants and animals that are found nowhere else on earth. Indonesia is a treasure trove of evolutionary brilliance. And, if what I understand to be true really is true, I’m thrilled to see Indonesia embrace history over myth in this instance.

The Atlantic says, America is getting more conservative


I leave for two measly weeks, and see what happens! The world goes to hell in a handbasket!

Can’t you guys do anything without me?

According to this Atlantic article, the United States is becoming more conservative. The article includes charts (charts!) like the one above. It shows that conservatives and religion go hand in hand.

And it shows another chart like the one below that shows a correlation between conservatives and education.

I don’t know about you, but I would possibly be offended if I read the words:

Conservative states are also less educated than liberal ones.

But that’s just me. I mean, it makes my day when I see words in a sentence strewn together to make the following syntax:

States with more conservatives are considerably less affluent than those with more liberals.

But what would you expect from a liberal rag like the Atlantic?

Via TYWKIWDBI