Kirk Cameron’s new movie: Monumental

I’m working on another post regarding ol’ Kirk Cameron, that I’m not ready to post yet. But this movie that he’s releasing is nothing short of hilarious.

When I was in high school in the 90s, my teachers were handing me the EXACT same lines as the guys in this trailer.

They were saying that, based on history, America is headed for destruction. Based on Rome’s demise, America is following that lead.

It’s an over 15-year-old message that just made it to your doorstep.

How quaint.

It’s one hundred percent bull shit.

Tuesday afternoon much needed funny: Tim Conway plays a dentist

As a junior in high school, I suffered a debilitating sickness that forced me to sit out of about nine days of school. The girl I was dating had mono within the previous six months. Although I was never diagnosed with it, but I always thought it was probably that.

I was tired. I had a fever and a sore throat that shut down my appetite. Over the course of two weeks, I lost almost 20 lbs, which — on my skinny frame — made me look like Jack in the Nightmare Before Christmas. One day, my fever was so bad, I experienced hallucinations and levels of irritability that I will never forget. The hallucinations were of someone or something breaking into the house. There were night-time terrors that helped me realize that people who claim to have been visited by demons or angels should check their body temps.

One day I let loose a temper tantrum on my brother that, in memory, scared me as I thought I was nuts and needed to be committed. It was over something trivial like he let a friend into the house, and I couldn’t stop yelling at him that I didn’t want them there.

One reason I wasn’t diagnosed is because my family was going through a rough patch financially. I got checked for strep, but the test was negative. The doctor claimed he didn’t know what was wrong, and sent me home.

Over the course of the two weeks, my then girlfriend brought me a little care package, which included some Valentine’s Day cookies (it was in Feb), some cans of soup and a few movies, including Something About Bob and a box set of Carol Burnett tapes.

Mind you, I felt absolutely awful the entire span of my sickness. I watched every bit of the Carol Burnett tapes, and when I got to the sketch in the video above, I lost it. I laughed to tears, and couldn’t stop.

It was that needed release after so many days of feeling awful. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did when I got sick.

Via TYWKIWDBI

Make up your mind Pat. Your deity did or didn’t do it?

Is it just me or has Pat Robertson changed his tune about deities sending weather to destroy towns? What did he say about Haiti again? Phew, it was Satan! God’s enemy that he let’s confuse you and tempt you with sex and other great sins.

Robertson says that enough people pray, they can stop a tornado.

Which I guess is where this video comes from in which a woman is praying a tornado away from her home.

Via JMG

Packing dildos ain’t what it’s cracked up to be

Regular-reader Paul sent me an article about the real price of “free shipping” in America. I’ve been trying to parse the information to come up with a post on my own, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it might be best to let the article speak for itself.

The article is called, “I was a Warehouse Wage Slave” by Mac McClelland. The subtitle is:

My brief, backbreaking, rage-inducing, low-paying, dildo-packing time inside the online-shipping machine.

Read it here.

Related, in a followup to Apple’s use of Chinese factories, they now feature this page on their web site called Supplier Responsibility.

Thanks, Paul!

 

Bachmann, I’m not a judgmental person

After airing a clip from Friday’s program, during which actor Kirk Cameron calls homosexuality “detrimental, and ultimately destructive,” Piers Morgan asks his guest for her response:

“I’m not here as anybody’s judge,” insists Bachmann.

“We’ll, you got to have a view,” states the host.

“Me? Hardly, hardly, hardly,” jokes the Congresswoman.

Morgan then goes on to refer to Bachmann as “one of the most judgemental people in American politics,” to which the Republican from Minnesota takes offense:

“Well that’s rude. That’s absolutely rude.”

Imagination

Imagine you were born on the island of Bali in a little village on a rice farm. The likelihood that you would become a fervent Hindu is 99.9%. You would grow up, learn your parents’ craft and religious traditions. You would grow strong, get married and teach your children the same thing.

Imagine, instead, that you were born just a few miles to the east and west of Bali on one of the two neighboring islands on a rice farm. The likelihood that you would grow up as a Muslim is almost 100%. The cycle would continue through your children and theirs.

Imagine, if your egg were fertilized just a short plane ride to the north in Cambodia or Thailand. The likelihood that you would be Buddhist is high.

Imagine if you were born on the other side of the earth in America, you’d likely grow up in a Christian home.

Because all of your life, the religion that is prevalent where you were born is the one you assimilate. And that assimilation paints your view. And that view informs the way you debate topics like the origin of the universe or whether you agree with abortion or not.

But imagine again, you were born in any one of the Asian countries on a rice farm. And if you weren’t already doing so, imagine yourself as a little girl. Your family is poor. When you come within reach of your teen years, your father decides he can sell you to a brothel and get a bit of money to pay bills, buy food, and get by.

You, an almost teen, have no choice. You’re sold and you go to work somewhere that entertains wealthy businessmen in the large city of your island or country. There you learn to make a man feel like a man. You learn to fake enjoyment when you wrap your arms around men of all shapes. You learn to control your gag reflex when you taste their semen in your mouth.

You learn not to scream too loud when they rip your vaginal walls or when you’ve been fucked so many times you can’t even remember the man you were with before this one.

If you want me to imagine that the god of the bible, or the god of the koran, or the Buddha, or the deities of the hindu religion exist, you have to first explain to me the phenomenon of the ovarian lottery and how you, yes you, avoided getting fertilized a girl on a rice farm in South Asia, and the god, the Buddhas, or the gods didn’t intervene when the monsters came knocking at your door and entered through every opening they could find.

Is it really, by the luck of the draw or a divinely-guided universe that you were born where you were when you were and how you were?

Because if god is in control, and he guided the realistic scenarios above to happen, or let them happen, that, dear readers, is an atrocity.

I do not believe god exists, because if he did, he doesn’t deserve my worship. Or yours, for that matter.

If you do worship him, is it because you aren’t getting raped right now by a business man in Asia?

Imagine that.

Hipstamatic spring rearing its perty head

I’ve seen that there were flowers popping up out of the ground for a couple weeks now. This guy just showed up today.

I hope we don’t get a snap freeze.