One time – at band camp – I made this girl wet her pants

Sign on a marquee reads, “It’s spring. We are so excited we wet our plants.” 

Does it help if I had more ideas for headlines?

I was cooking in the kitchen, and I whet her appetite.


The other night I excited the ship captain, I bumped into him, his instrument fell in the water, and he wet his sextant.


When you wet on me, it makes me feel unpleasant.

Or …


It’s quittin’ time. Let’s talk cunnilingus with Pat Robertson

Nothing says red-faced awkward like getting a sex lesson from Pat Robertson.

I take that back. It’s a little entertaining to hear him babble about it.

Just make sure it’s between a husband and a wife. What you do between ya’ll and god is sure-fire okie dokie.

Which is why two men and two women can’t marry.


Oh, I found great info on cunnilingus here at the wiki. Sweet pics and everything. You know what they say, wikipedia is a gateway site to porn.

To be fair, here’s fellatio. Now go off and get edu-mah-cated.


Who’s that puppy in the window?

Bill Whitmire and I shot the local band Gag Order last fall. The leadsinger posted this picture to Facebook yesterday. It’s a picture of their poster hanging up at the Double Door.

I posted my one and only edited shot here. But we also put together a quick behind the scenes video here.

Hey, Bill, how come we didn’t do one shot with the entire band gagged and getting tortured? What were we thinking?

If I were making a camping, horror film, I’d buy three or four of these

Check out these unique tent ideas from a company called Tentsile.

Tentsile CEO Bob Barker says, “It seemed like a great way to get campers lofted from the ground for safety, for comfort, just until they have to get up and pee in the middle of the night or until the seems rip and everyone tumbles out.”

Or like Stan from TYWKIWDBI writes, this is a “Bear Piñata.”

But look how much fun you’ll have if you buy one:

They look really cool, don’t they?

I imagine they come at a premium price though. And they appear like they might be cumbersome to hike with. What do you think?

And if you think the tent maker CEO really said that up there, I feel sorry for you. 


Quick dinner idea

One of my go-to grilled dinner options when I want to cook, but I don’t want to spend a lot of time in preparation is a slightly marinated pork chop with a veggie side of choice.

The marinade is quick and tasty. You buy as many chops as you’re going to want to serve. Wipe them with a paper towel. Add pepper, drizzle a bit of soy sauce (about a tablespoon per side), and use a garlic mince to add as much garlic to taste. I do about one clove per side. So for two pork chops, I use four cloves.

Just eyeball the amounts. It’s not going to ruin it.

Turn the meat over and do the same on the other side. Let them sit for about 30 to 60 minutes in the fridge.

One side option is to get a bundle of asparagus, drizzle olive oil over the stalks with about an inch or more of the bottoms lobbed off. Salt and pepper them, and toss in some garlic powder.

On the grill, 350 to 400 degree heat, I go about 5.5 minutes per side. I add my asparagus after the first pork chop flip to a coolish part of the grill. I pull the meat off 5.5 minutes later to rest for 3 to 5 minutes. I let the thermometer reach 170.

Remove the asparagus and serve.

Don’t forget to take a picture.

It’s Wednesdog!

This Wednesdog is brought to you by regular-reading Xina’s birthday pup Sam. Sam’s been featured before, and we should probably just feature him full time.

The guy’s a looker, don’t you think?

Here’s what Xina writes about this image:

It’s his birthday picture for the Facebook album that the lady I got him from is putting together. There were 15 puppies in Sam’s litter (17 actually, but 2 died) and she’s getting pics of all of them together so we can see how they’ve all grown. He turns 1 on Friday. Poor little guy is a bit under the weather, though. He’s got an upset belly and a yeast infection between his toes and in his ear. So we’re giving him medicine for the yeast which is upsetting his belly even more. Once that’s all done we’ll probably have to change his food or something.

I can’t believe that the dogdamn dog god would allow two puppies from this litter to die! Sam is a Wednesdog miracle!


But we’re all glad Sam was in the living group. Man, don’t you just want to take those jowls and rev them like you’re riding a motorcycle and his jowls are the handlebars?

Consider this a birthday present from everyone at Le Café Witteveen, Sam. Happy birthday and many more!

So stinking handsome.