Avoid the embarrassment of loud flatulence, and buy this app

Are you newly in a relationship?

Do you get embarrassed when your bowels expel pent up air through your rectal sphincter and the subsequent skin flabber creates an embarrassing noise that might offend or turn off your hot new girlfriend or boyfriend ?

Do you turn on the shower in an attempt to cover up the cacophony of assploding air biscuits?

Or do you poop in the shower so that you’re loved one doesn’t hear you go?

Do you realize how un-green turning on the shower  while you go, not to mention how unsanitary it is to shit in the shower?

Well, there’s an iPhone app for you! I couldn’t find the app that this article referred to as “Fake Shower,” but I found one called, “Toilet Buddy.” This is how Fake Shower is described:

Ever turned on the shower to mask embarrassing noises in the bathroom? Apparently, it’s a common occurrence among couples, particularly those with paper-thin bathroom walls. So, for World Water Day, Brazilian sustainability institute Akatu and agency Leo Burnett Tailor Made created an app that makes the shower noise for you. At the end of your Fake Shower, you receive notification of how many gallons of water were not wasted by using the app.

The concept should be a familiar one for Japanese potty users. Noisemakers that create faux-flushing sounds are a standard feature of bathroom stalls and toilets in Japan, so the country has been conserving water, politely, for ages.

Fortunately, I don’t worry about covering up my beautiful butt horn music any longer. In fact, I record myself on the toilet and play it when I’m not around so Tina doesn’t get lonely.

Actually, Tina uses a white noise function that’s a recorded loop of me in the bathroom.

It’s so romantic.

It’s Caturday!

Remember that movie Bonnie & Clyde, starring Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway? Remember all those people who told you that the characters were inspired by two people named Clyde Chestnut Barrow and Bonnie Elizabeth Parker?


Lies, I tell you.

The movie and characters of Bonnie and Clyde were inspired by these two purr boxes.

When Tina and I traveled out to Baltimore to shoot Luis V. and Becky’s wedding, we had the chance to meet Bonnie and Clyde in person at an open house held at Becky’s Parents’ house.

If only a snitch hadn’t spooked them to hide under the bed the whole time we were there, we may have met them in person. The whiskered munchkins thought for sure the Feds had caught up to them, what with 40 extra people in the house and all.

Luckily, they evaded getting caught, and Becky’s parents were able to release a secret photo of the two keeping warm under a blanket.

So don’t tell anybody, okay? Make sure the secret is safe with you.

Don’t forget to submit your Caturday photos and word or two about your favorite felines in the email.

Happy Caturday!