Delicately dim-bulbed election season

Growing up, I had a hot, hot temper.

No, it was the kind of temper you wanted to have sex with.

It was a short-fused, red-faced, hate monster. Some of my readers may even remember me as “the crybaby”.

My other sin growing up: crying.

Crying like a leaky fucking faucet. I cried quickly. And for no reason.

Maybe it was for attention. I don’t know. I couldn’t quite control it.

One time in fifth grade, something happened that pissed me off. Whatever it was, I was sitting at my desk stewing for a few minutes. Quiet. Angry. At some point there was a call to action that I didn’t want to do. Like, get up and form a line to go to gym or something. I picked up a ruler and hit some innocent kid’s hand, because I clearly wanted to get my ass in trouble.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “Nobody likes a crybaby,” and “Get ahold of your temper. If you lose your temper, no one will like you.”

Now that I’m older, I still cry and I still lose my temper. But it’s more controlled. Kind of. I’m not sure what physiologically happens at times, but I can’t help it. “Logic” has nothing to do with any of it.

Around our house, we call it, “Blowing a gasket.”

Like when Talulah wants to go out, and we’re putting our shoes on and finding her leash, ball and Chuck-it, Talulah’s romping around excitedly. She chases her tail. She’s blowing a gasket howling like a pundit on FOX News.

Last night, I watched a bit of CNN and FOX News. I don’t even know where MSNBC is on my cable subscription. Believe me, I looked. FOX happens to be close to a movie station we have. I looked and looked for CNN and finally found it.

That’s all to say, I watched about an hour to an hour and a half of network “news” last night. And if I didn’t have a hold on my temper, I would get completely taken by the attempts by Piers Morgan, Hannity or Bill O’Reilly to yank only at my emotions. There’s no appeal on these shows to objective news.

The goal of these shows is to take hot-headed, dimbulbs like me and stir up my emotions until I take them into the public sphere and use their talking points as if they were mine.

That shit is a train wreck.

Hannity talked to Sarah Palin about foreign affairs. She clearly has no clue about any of it. She has talking points, and she knows some names. But she clearly has no idea what’s going on in Canada, let alone Egypt.

Bill O’Reilly talked to Laura Ingraham toenail. These people aren’t talking calmly about Obama. They are searching for language and ideas that will stir up emotions that cause tempestuous action.

On Piers Morgan, Wolf Blitzer was sitting for the night. He was really no better than anyone else on this front. There’s no news, there are stupid people with crappy credentials getting asked softball questions like, “What do you think the administration should have done on Tuesday?” “Do you think Obama needed three sheets of toilet paper after that dump or four?” “What does four sheets say about Obama’s hate for global warming?”

After watching just minutes of their shows, my blood pressure was up, my face was getting red, my eyebrows were furrowed, and I could feel that old friend “Temper Tantrum” stirring up inside me.

Why? O’Reilly, Hannity, Palin, Ingraham, they’re all having a unified temper tantrum. It’s as if O’Reilly is getting his rocks off on Ingraham’s inability to stay calm. It excuses him from staying calm. He gets a chance to act pompous, because they’re both working from the same, uneducated, ignorant notes and they can both smooch and fondle each others privates without so much as touching either physically, but with their mental essence.

And some of the same people who told me no one likes people who lose their temper, they watch these “news” shows. They approve of these news shows, jampacked with lost tempers and heated word battles.

They’re right, no body likes a cry baby or a hot temper, unless it’s broadcast in HD with mounds of makeup, incendiary words and short-sighted logic.

If there’s one clear note the FOX hosts are scrambling to achieve, it’s to help Mitt Romney pull his head out of his own ass from the comments he’s made this week. And wow, Hannity, Palin and O’Reilly have no problem licking their fingers laden with Romney’s feces.

Why do I do that to myself?

You may be wondering why would I watch FOX or CNN if it’s going to get me riled up. And dear reader, I would ask those of you who watch that shit the same thing.

I watch it, because I like to remind myself that the information that people repeat in public and online are tokens of shit-burdened nonsense. Hannity and O’Reilly learned their rhetoric and delivery skills from kindergarten Sunday School teachers.

What do remedial teachers do in their classrooms that no other teachers do?

  • They repeat notes, and repeat them often. Children don’t learn unless they are given the same information six-hundred different ways and back again. And when you’re talking to a FOX junky, it shows.
  • They speak slowly, and avoid confusing words like, “integrity” and “research”. That I counted, Hannity said three times, “I don’t have time to show you where I pulled this information, but …” and then he told you what to think about it.
  • They motivate their kids to action with juvenile games, graphics and lots of flashing colors and noises.

Maybe you want to watch that crap and get stirred up. Maybe you want to use that information as viable notes during your conversations at work and on your playgrounds.

Just remember, nobody likes a crybaby, short-tempered, emotionally driven person.

So cry and shout all you want.

The rest of us will move calmly forward.

I pick the wrong lines, too.

Comic of two kiosks. One reads, “Unpleasant truths.” No one is lined up there. Behind the “Comforting lies” line, there are tons of people. 

The hard part about this graphic is as a believer, at some point I knew what this was referring to and recognized the irony. But I know there was a time when I would have considered it a validation of my belief.

Yes, yes, seen on facebook.


I think I finally get it!

The graphic above with a quote from Thomas Sowell reads, “I have never understood why it is ‘greed’ to want to keep the money you’ve earned, but not greed to want to take someone else’s money.”

I saw the graphic posted on a conservative Christian friend’s Facebook wall.

It makes sense, right?


Hell, Christians are the last people to say that all money comes from God, and that money isn’t yours, it’s His.

Nor did Jesus show by example that living within a group and sharing funds within the group was his way of doing things. Twelve disciples + him + one change purse, that’s ridiculous.

And Jesus never, ever said, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Not here or anywhere else. 

Following Jesus didn’t mean living in a group-funded band of poor, wandering souls that work tirelessly to heal the sick, help the needy, pickup the downtrodden, pay the bills for enemies’ injuries.

Do believers read their bibles? 

The parable of the Good Samaritan says that the pious, the godly, the believers passed the robbed, beaten man while walking down the road. The man’s enemy — the Samaritan — not only helped the man to safety, he paid his healthcare bills in full.

He went out of his way to check on the man.

That robbed man was greedy for what? Help?

That man may not have needed the funds, but the Samaritan didn’t ask. He helped him anyway.

The greed.

Yeah, fuck that Samaritan guy. What a douche!

What did Jesus say about the man’s enemy who helped him selflessly?

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do the opposite.”

Yep, you heard it here first. Jesus didn’t command his followers to follow the example of the Samaritan.

Nooooooooooooo, do the opposite!

Hey guys, I have to let you in on a little secret. Don’t confuse the person in need as greedy.

The person in need may be hooked on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and foods that aren’t good for them.

But there isn’t a neighbor unworthy of our help.

That’s according to Jesus’s message.

But who am I? An atheist, who takes the bible out of context.

Over and over and over again.

These were the stories — the socialist fucking stories — the Sunday School teachers crammed in our heads as kids.

And that’s all they are to adult Christians … rubbish. Kid’s stuff. Fantasies.


What a load of crap!

I guess when you give 10% of your income to the church, that needy, needy, tax-free organization, there’s not any more cash laying around to follow that darn Jesus’s example, his commandments, or his life-style.

We all knew Jesus wanted to confuse people, but you’d think his messaging would be crystal clear to those people who read and study the Word every day.

If I posted crap like the above guy’s quote and in the next breath said, “I love Jesus and you should, too,” I wouldn’t be embarrassed one bit.

WTF the kids are posting

Oops, I typo’d my header and I’m leaving it. It makes more sense.

Because when those jerks at post their stupid ideas to their forum, it offends the delicate flower petal that is me.

Those kids don’t help the cause at all.

But they sure are intriguing.

I’m putting a particularly long one (in more ways than one, heehee) below the fold (hee, hee).


Creation of flavor, “Pre-pepper. Pepper Discovery “Poof!” Post Pepper.” 


Family Guy screen cap of doctor pointing at charge that reads from top to bottom, “Average. Retarded. Peter. Creationists.” 


Why are Christians always so poorly represented during academic debates? Because they are academic debates.” 


“I like to imagine that, at some point in our history, a curious astronomer pointed his telescope towards the stars, expecting to find god … yet what he saw instead, was that much more amazing.” 

Continue reading “WTF the kids are posting”

You don’t like the affection I have for my cat? You’re going straight to Aiche Eee double Hockey Sticks

I love cats. You love cats.

Some of you anyway.

Their lives mean more to some than others.

And then there’s the complete, psycho kitty mongers with screws loose and an endorphin deficit that make orgasms feel like eating cardboard.

Wesley, a friend on facebook, posted the above two days ago about his dead cat Felix. I’ll post the text below the fold.

It’s been a year, and the strife, the woe, the torment, the anxiety … oh my soul!

This is definitely one of those, “Jeremy, you are a cunt with awful insecurity for posting a mocking post like this.”

Not this time. I am going to take the high road and say, “Look how awesome this friend of mine is! He loved his cat so much, he can’t wait to join him in heaven some day. How sweet.”

Did you see the toy gun Felix is holding? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, so cute!

Felix is lounging after target shooting practice. He tired himself out.

Ahh, cutie-mc-cute-butts!

And if you disagree with Wesley’s love for his cat, do you know what your punishment is?

No, not shame.

No, not inferiority.

It’s hell, mother fucker. If you don’t like how much Wesley liked his cat, you’re going to hell.

Hell. Eternal torment, you idiots!


A special warm place that you will go after you die, because you mocked his bestial love for a feline.

Loving Felix is an art form. And haters goina hate!

Continue reading “You don’t like the affection I have for my cat? You’re going straight to Aiche Eee double Hockey Sticks”