I’ve been wondering how I would handle a new post at friend of this blog and regular reading Julie Ferwerda’s blog all morning.
We all know her as the resident “believer” whom I’ve grown fond of and even heralded here at this blog for being brave enough to ask tough questions about the bible, religion, faith and God.
This morning’s post blew my mind, as she admitted atheism toward the god she was taught to love and fear from an early age.
Did you read what I wrote?
She admitted atheism toward the god that many of you readers believe in.
She’s not going all out, full on, I don’t believe in something higher. That’s how I read her post, anyway.
She named the post, “My Slippery Slide into Atheism.” I would probably rename it, “My slippery slide toward atheism.”
Although I want to point out, that at no point, do I feel some kind of validation for disbelief. In fact, I feel a bit of pain for Julie. She’s going through a lot. Admitting disbelief was — at least for me — the most psychologically stressful and painful period of my life. And while I’m more comfortable now, I mull disbelief over and over and over almost every day.
There was a time when I thought everyone should agree with my views. And yes, I would love it if more people put as much time and energy into researching belief as I did, and as Julie is doing.
But the truth is, disbelief is a fucking painful repetitive kick in the teeth and groin. As it is, I don’t recommend it to anyone.
A free mind isn’t exactly the most healthy one. It’s just free.
For some reason, people aren’t all that accepting of people who think that the big, invisible god described in the bible doesn’t exist. It’s weird. No one on earth can show him to me in tangible or reasoned terms, and I’m the idiot.
I’m glad that it’s cooling off and I can start wearing sweaters over my t-shirt that reads, “IDIOT.”
But back to Julie. Julie writes:
I’m way more agnostic (unknowing, anti-dogmatic) about God and matters of faith than I’ve ever been. This is a little unsettling when I’ve spent most of my life thinking I had God (and the Bible) neatly wrapped up in a little box. Secondly, I’m definitely atheistic about the god I used to know. Let’s recap. My old god…
People have been misapplying, mistranslating, misinterpreting Scriptures for thousands of years…why would I expect any different in the case of god-killing? Could it be…I wondered…that all the killing recorded in the OT is the result of man’s desire to rule by the flesh and strong-arm the Kingdom of God into existence. Could it be that the freedom, love, forgiveness, and invitation portrayed throughout a lot of Scripture is only and actually God?
Yes, God is sovereign. Perhaps He allowed Himself to be misrepresented in Scriptures to teach deeper truths, or to separate the sheep and the goats in this age—those with ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to the called-out will discover a much different God than the unjust and unbelieving.
You can read the entirety here.
I strongly recommend reading it.