I’ve been wondering how I would handle a new post at friend of this blog and regular reading Julie Ferwerda’s blog all morning.
We all know her as the resident “believer” whom I’ve grown fond of and even heralded here at this blog for being brave enough to ask tough questions about the bible, religion, faith and God.
This morning’s post blew my mind, as she admitted atheism toward the god she was taught to love and fear from an early age.
Did you read what I wrote?
She admitted atheism toward the god that many of you readers believe in.
She’s not going all out, full on, I don’t believe in something higher. That’s how I read her post, anyway.
She named the post, “My Slippery Slide into Atheism.” I would probably rename it, “My slippery slide toward atheism.”
Although I want to point out, that at no point, do I feel some kind of validation for disbelief. In fact, I feel a bit of pain for Julie. She’s going through a lot. Admitting disbelief was — at least for me — the most psychologically stressful and painful period of my life. And while I’m more comfortable now, I mull disbelief over and over and over almost every day.
There was a time when I thought everyone should agree with my views. And yes, I would love it if more people put as much time and energy into researching belief as I did, and as Julie is doing.
But the truth is, disbelief is a fucking painful repetitive kick in the teeth and groin. As it is, I don’t recommend it to anyone.
A free mind isn’t exactly the most healthy one. It’s just free.
For some reason, people aren’t all that accepting of people who think that the big, invisible god described in the bible doesn’t exist. It’s weird. No one on earth can show him to me in tangible or reasoned terms, and I’m the idiot.
I’m glad that it’s cooling off and I can start wearing sweaters over my t-shirt that reads, “IDIOT.”
But back to Julie. Julie writes:
I’m way more agnostic (unknowing, anti-dogmatic) about God and matters of faith than I’ve ever been. This is a little unsettling when I’ve spent most of my life thinking I had God (and the Bible) neatly wrapped up in a little box. Secondly, I’m definitely atheistic about the god I used to know. Let’s recap. My old god…
Later …
People have been misapplying, mistranslating, misinterpreting Scriptures for thousands of years…why would I expect any different in the case of god-killing? Could it be…I wondered…that all the killing recorded in the OT is the result of man’s desire to rule by the flesh and strong-arm the Kingdom of God into existence. Could it be that the freedom, love, forgiveness, and invitation portrayed throughout a lot of Scripture is only and actually God?
Yes, God is sovereign. Perhaps He allowed Himself to be misrepresented in Scriptures to teach deeper truths, or to separate the sheep and the goats in this age—those with ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to the called-out will discover a much different God than the unjust and unbelieving.
You can read the entirety here.
I strongly recommend reading it.
Le Café Wittypoots 
I figured this would happen… 🙂
This journey IS painful and I am so glad you verbalized that with such honesty. It makes me admire you and your journey all the more.
If I were to try to “show you God” in a tangible and rational manner, I would say, look in the mirror. Look at your wife. Look at Talulah (I probably spelled it wrong again). Look at all the beautiful, kind-hearted people (and, imo, animals) in this world who are creative, passionate, loving, caring, trying to do their best, and you have seen God. Just my two cents.
If I had a chance, I would go back and re-write some of what I wrote above.
I can’t say that I fully advocate not becoming a disbeliever, otherwise, I wouldn’t have this damn blog.
I don’t have a lot of time to respond, but I want to say that I “get” your reference to how to see god.
Tina and I completely agree with the idea that we are the perception of god. And as good as that can be, in terms of loving one another and “saving” each other from the evils in the world, it also can make us destructive.
As you say, the image of god has both creative and destructive power.
More soon and i hope we continue the conversation.
I just want to say anything worth embracing in this world has pain attached to it, the most pain I have experienced birthed the most lovely… the most cherished.
Blessings
Rebecca
I love breaking the news to people like you who find providence in child birth that every organism on earth from simple bacteria to octopuses are breeding every day.
They are making more offspring in a day than humanity ever will, showing just how basic and common childbearing is.
So if you see god in having children, your god is boring, basic and cliché.
But congrats on egocentrically thinking you and your child are something special. Yay!
I wasn’t really thinking of just child birth, but I do have to say my children are my best… and aren’t yours? The one thing that separates me from an octopus is love… I do not believe bacteria possess that either.
PS I have 6 of them… ha that just shows you how egocentric I really am!
Blessings
Rebecca
Hey, who said Octopi can’t love? Rebecca, meet Jeremy. He’s really not the rattlesnake he pretends to be. If you survive the first bite, he magically turns into a cute bunny rabbit.
Jeremy, meet Rebecca. She’s a new friend of mine thru Facebook. She lives in your neighborhood, relatively speaking! I think she keeps rabbit food on hand.
I’m confused. Does Rebecca have 6 bacteria, octopi, or children? You can’t just sling around nouns all willy-nilly like that, or you’ll cause your pronouns to disagree with their antecedents.
She has six, loving Baceri-o-li.
Isn’t that obvious?
Jeremy, it is good to meet you!
Cubs or White Sox?
It might be nice to meet you, too. 😉
If I told you neither, would you believe me? I’m not a sports fan. I live a quarter mile from Wrigley and my wife grew up on the south side.
So that renders me a confused mess. 🙂
Ha, I understand completely…I married a guy from the north side, who is a big Cubby fan and of course Bears fan. I am from Minnesota… he had season tickets for years, it was interesting at the games, I still cheer on the Vikes
I’m curious as to why you write, that you would rename Ferwerda’s blog, “My slippery slide toward atheism.”
Alice,
It’s semantics. Julie doesn’t claim to be an atheist, just that she has atheistic thoughts.
Slipping into something denotes a large claim, like donning a shirt that reads “Atheist”. Moving toward something suggests just what Julie has claimed. In that case, she can put on a shirt that simply reads, “Atheish.”
It’s an interpretation of what she wrote. It’s not black and white. It’s just how I read her words.
Hey Jeremy.. long time 🙂 There must be something in the water. I had posted on this topic as well (a little before Julie’s post) and it seems I have slipped a bit myself. Here is a link to the post in case you missed it:
http://quest4light.net/2012/09/28/a-skeptical-twist/
I missed that post, Nelson. Thanks!
I thought you were the master slipster, though.
I’ll take another look at it later.