finally, it exists! pussy natural energy drink. tasty and energizing

311B%2BflaBQL._SL500_AA300_Buy a four-pack of Pussy here.

I am not shitting you.

Enjoy it without cause or monthly intermission.

Suck it dry and have another.

Savor it in the morning. Love it in the evening. Sneak a bit in the middle of the afternoon.

Put a few six packs of Pussy in a wagon and walk around the neighborhood.

Yell out repetitiously, “Anybody want some Pussy. I’ve got some tasty Pussy for you!”

Non-stop Pussy consumption may over excite you to self-explosion.

So take it easy.


dreams don’t come true

Earlier this week, I had a dream.

A man was driving a large van of kids, possibly his own. His wife sat in the passenger seat. It was after dark on a busy highway, so there were car lights breezing by in the opposite direction. His kids and wife were all snoozing.

In my mind, I determined that the man was a pastor or someone who may not drink or do drugs.

There was a supernatural presence in the vehicle who was injecting something like alcohol into the man without him knowing. The longer he drove, the drunker he got.

The drunker he got, the more the car was weaving and his speed varied fast to slow.

Soon enough, a police car’s blue lights flashed and that police honk startled the man to pull over.

The driver — although he didn’t drink a drop — was dee-runk.

The squad car had two cops and they approached the van. They spoke to the driver.

After getting his license and registration, the officer on the driver side said, “Have you had anything to drink tonight?”

“No sir,” the man slurred. “I’ve been driving since 8 a.m. this morning.”

“That’s not the way it looks to me,” the officer said.

The wife leaned forward and said, “He hasn’t been drinking. He doesn’t drink. We’ve been on the road all day.”

The officer determined that the driver was not being honest and asked him to get out of the vehicle. They performed field tests, like walking a straight line and the tapping the nose trick, to find out that yes, this man was not sober.

“I haven’t had a thing to drink, officers. I swear.”

“That’s not what our tests are showing,” one replied. “We’re going to need you to take a breathalyzer.”

As these tests were happening, the children all stared at their father who was being embarrassed. As these tests were happening, the traffic was speeding past. Trucks and cars were whirring by.

On the driver’s floorboard, the officer produced an almost-empty bottle of whiskey.

A bottle that the supernatural being planted.

It – he or she? —  planted it there for the cops to find.

“What’s this, sir?” asked the officer.

“That’s not mine.” A gasp was audible from inside the car.

There was a pause and a stern look from the officer.

“Seriously. That’s not mine officer. I don’t drink.”

The man looked inside the car and saw his children’s faces. They were all mortified and confused.

The way they were standing, one officer was closest to traffic. Out of the blue, the driver 300-style kicked the officer just a truck was passing (click here for reference). the body thudded against the truck, and the truck driver slammed on its brakes. The grill of the truck took the officer 100 yards before the body slipped under the front wheel.

And like a fish out of water, the officer thudded under the truck’s tires along the passenger side into an incomprehensible mess of skin, blood and intestines.

Maybe some brains.

And then I woke up.

Weird dream? Check.

Macabre? Check.

But there’s something that’s bothering me. If the supernatural existed, police officers would have to give credence to people and their stories, especially something like a pastor who has no track record of drinking.

What if the scenario went a little differently. Well, not the guy 300-style kicking the officer into traffic.

But the story of a man who doesn’t drink, being drunk. The story of a demon or a ghost planting a bottle … those things would need to be considered.

The truth is — if the supernatural existed — we would operate our lives in a completely different way.

We would all do that.

Because it would be “natural” for the supernatural to interfere with human affairs.

Officers doing a routine traffic stop would have to consider the idea of finding the supernatural culprit who framed the human to commit a crime.

Do you know why officers don’t believe people when they say, “That’s not mine” or “I haven’t been drinking”?

It’s because there’s proof to the contrary.

And there’s not proof for the supernatural.

If it’s good enough for police not to believe. And it’s good enough for ALL of the population not to believe that supernatural beings plant contraband in drunk drivers’ floorboards. it’s good enough for me.

Clap hands like dusting erasers and be done.

Obama nation is an abomination

If you have no time, start this video at 6:20.

Listen to it for a minute.

Be satisfied.

Or be mad.

Because if you really believe that book Lawrence O’Donnell refers to, there’s countless ways you’re doing it wrong.


And — somehow — there are countless ways Westboro Baptist is doing it right.

That and Amish people.