When you’re sick, the last thing you do — after dying — is check the internet …

On Sunday I wasn’t feeling great.

Over night on Sunday, I felt like someone kicked me in the crotch. Apparently there’s very little difference between stomach cramps and being punched in the balls.

On Monday, I was completely shut down. And by completely, I mean I got up to send a couple emails, but otherwise I was out for the count.

Tina took care of me. Luckily. She felt fine enough to do that.

I had some rice and chicken for lunch and the Xeroxed that menu for dinner.

Just before lunchtime, I checked the internet for what to do about stomach cramps. The results were less than great. With stomach cramps, I could have everything from appendicitis to some kind of cancer.

I probably had nothing more than a bit of a bug, but — goddammit — the internet is the worst consultant in the world.

I would have been better off just calling my mom. She would have said, “Get some rest and eat some rice” — which I did.

Or I would have been better off asking Jesus; because no answer would have been better than having the Internet worry me that I have appendicitis … or CANCER!

The next time I get sick, no internet will be consulted.

That’s it.

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