The reporter, the camera man, the shooter and you.

This news of the reporter and camera man shot in Virginia is destroying me.

Out of morbid curiosity, I watched the footage from the camera man and from the shooter. Unseeing/unhearing it is impossible. The shock, hurt, anger and confusion is heavy on my mind, like it’s wading through a mire.

Tina and I often interview people in a similar fashion (Tina’s not on camera like a reporter, though), and I can’t help but put ourselves in their shoes or visualize myself as them. When we’re doing that kind of work, we’re all about the moment and certain blinders prevent us from noticing a lot of periphery information.

I didn’t know these two people, but I can only begin to imagine the broken hearts, the pain, the tears of so many who loved these two dearly. As well as so many disappointed and appalled by the shooter’s actions.

I don’t entirely regret watching the videos. If you watch the one recorded by the shooter, he readjusts his camera zoom as he’s walking up. If that’s not proof that he’s entirely cognizant of his intention and goal, there should be no discussion of this man’s sanity.

Although, the word is he’s now dead.

From what I heard about the 20-some page manifesto he faxed to the station, he was upset by the way he was treated at work. He cited details regarding racial tension in his workplace.

And maybe, if I interpret this correctly, maybe these two people — the reporter and/or the camera man — were guilty, or purportedly guilty of what he saw as poor treatment in the workplace.

And maybe, if you stretch your imagination, can you empathize with the shooter for feeling like he was somehow mistreated, racially or personally.

It’s the violence that’s pathetic. It’s not dealing with the situation with tact and appeal. Has it come to this bullshit that the only way to be heard is to fire a gun?

I hate violence, and a lot of the news of different shootings in the past few years and even in my neighborhood have caused me to attempt a certain heightened awareness of my surroundings when walking my neighborhood. It’s likely futile. How do you see what’s happening behind you.

Should I constantly spin while walking? 

Another thing that’s completely appalling to me are all the people who say they’re praying for the victims, their families and those involved.

Praying? Really?

Who is that helping?

Where were the prayers before that prevented this shit? Who are you praying to and who feels better when they say that stuff? It’s not the victims or their families and friends. They’re fucking miserable right now.

Who is the god that is prayed to that knew this was going to happen and was powerless to intercept this shooter? What all-powerful god is this who is incapable of destroying the evil in the world? This fucker can create a universe in a week, but he can’t stop an angry man with a gun from shooting two people in cold blood while doing their life’s work? While doing their art?

If that’s what prayers are for, or to, I don’t want anything to do with it, and don’t understand EVER why anyone would.

My birthday is coming up. My one wish, as I blow out my candles, will be for people — unless it’s with a camera — to stop shooting other people.

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