Ode to my beloved Tina

Yesterday was my wife Tina’s birthday.

Happy Birthday, Tina! I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow times a million! 

We booked an interiors shoot yesterday. And by “we” I mean Tina. But we were thrilled to have it. It’s a new client and we’ve been wanting to work with them for some time.

It was our last job of 2016. But booking it distracted us from celebrating Tina’s big birthday yesterday. This sounds completely cheeseballs, but we don’t like to leave our dog Talulah and our cat Zoe for too long at a time, and the thought of coming home, dressing up and going out for a celebration dinner was too stressful.

We decided that today would be a better day. So we’ll celebrate with a dinner out this evening.

Let me be clear on something, Tina is my everything. Without her, I would probably be committed. I don’t know what I would do. We spend almost every second of every minute of every hour together. I love her with so much of my heart, there’s hardly room for anybody else (Sorry, Jesus!).

Yesterday, I took a huge risk and kept from delivering a sappy Facebook Happy Birthday birthday wish dripping with love and affection for a few reasons. Mainly it was because I didn’t feel I had enough time to dedicate to it, and sloppily writing something for the sake of just doing it, didn’t feel right to me. My day’s creative juices were dedicated to performing on site for our job. Impressing the client stole my creativity for the day.

But this morning, I woke up with a new sense of guilt and frustration for letting yesterday slip by without devoting a thoughtful, love-laced dedication to my beloved wife and partner who inspires me, wows me, attracts me, thrills me, and completes me.

While still in bed, my thoughts went to my lovely angel and I looked over in the pale light and felt a pang of happiness. I thought I would write that sappy birthday dedication here, on this social media. For all to read. And for all to see.

I will call it, Four Things I love about My Beloved Tina.

1. Tina’s Energy. There’s an energy that revolves around Tina that is unmistakable. It’s not on all the time. But when it is, it’s as attractive as any painting or art you could think of. On jobs, I wonder if they hire us or hire Tina. I think it’s more Tina. Sometimes when she sees me, she squeals with joy. She hugs and dances and laughs. When she wakes up and plays with our dog Talulah, it’s like the first time they’ve ever met and they play and laugh and bark and carry on. When she sees Zoe,  her heart sings and she scoops her up and cuddles her. When she’s alone in another part of our condo, she often sings to herself. This alone makes me swoon. Tina keeps a perpetual child-likeness. That’s to say, she expects everyone to be as kind as she is, and is often like Will Ferrel in Elf when he experiences that people aren’t.
2. Tina’s Beauty. Tina’s a woman who stole my heart from day one. Her creativity often is embodied in her appearance, her choice of makeup and clothing. The way she does her hair. She often doesn’t realize it. Or she does, but she’s not always told. She expresses herself in what she wears and how she appears. I LOVE that about her. When we were dating, we went to a couple’s therapy group on the recommendation of one of our work mentors. We were one of the few couples in the room who weren’t there as the last step before their divorce. When other couples were asked to sit and stare into each others eyes for only a few minutes, they failed. We could do it like young lovers, unending and willfully. We still can. Our love life is better now than when we were dating. Perhaps it’s that and my perspective on love that keeps me head over heals for her. And I get to see her beauty every day, all day, and it makes me forever grateful and happy. One thing I’ve given a lot of thought to is the idea of sic transit gloria (or glory fades). And as our body’s grow older and our physical appearances change, I find the need to consider what that means for our love affair. My personal goal is to follow the leadership and example of all those couples who have seemingly stayed in love their entire lives. I anticipate it realistically and hope to understand it. Luckily, Tina’s beauty courses through her entirety of person. And my love for her is not strictly physical. Luckily, my heart pounds every time I see her. It’s like every day is my birthday. 
3. Tina’s Conditional Love. You read that right. Conditional. None of that un-conditional bullshit. Tina’s a realist. I hope we both are. Our love for each other is holy-shit amazing! But thankfully it has conditions. I can’t just do anything, say anything, act the fool and expect Tina to be standing their naked offering fellatio for treating her like a bag of cat turds. I can’t treat Tina like Talulah’s diarrhea and say, “Whelp, you’re supposed to stick with me … we’re married … GOTCHA!” Growing up, I was taught and I thought love should be unconditional.  But there was a day when I realized that love has conditions, no matter what human (or deity) it’s coming from. Love should have conditions. It should be kept accountable. It should be malleable and open, but it should also make sure that anarchy is the worst form of love. One should dedicate empathy to it, but not mindless all acceptance. The day we go unconditional, the day we have to consider parting. I believe that it’s conditional love that promotes devotion to building our relationship, investing in it, watering it to grow and flourish. I love that.
4. Tina’s Balance. No exaggeration, Tina has it all. She’s got a big personality at times, the most soothing and several beautiful idiosyncrasies between. In room full of family, Tina can put any Italian to shame by being the loudest person to get her story in above the cacophony of overpowering chatter. In a quiet room cuddling on the couch, she can calm a storm with her voice, her touch, her essence. She’s like a cat that purrs you to quiet your mind and find a zenful place of tranquil thoughts. She is grace. She is mercy. She is thoughtful. She is honest. She is emotional. And she is strong.

To Tina, I raise my glass, my candle, my voice.

When we’re down, we work together to ameliorate our woes. When we’re up, we are what the internet would consider viral. Viral to me anyway, because I have to “love” it every time I take another look.

Tina, I love you. Happy Birthday. Although belated. Forgive that. I hope. I needed time to properly devote a creative word dance to your importance in my life. To your energy, your beauty, your conditional love … and that your balance creates equilibrium for me, our family and our world.

Tina, je t’aime.

 

The Ghost of Christmas Future: “HOW TO TALK TO A TRUMP EVANGELICAL AT CHRISTMAS”

A guy I grew up with, Stephen Mucher, wrote a piece published at Religious Dispatches titled, “HOW TO TALK TO A TRUMP EVANGELICAL AT CHRISTMAS.”

He posted the article on Facebook, and I saved it to read later.

A bit of background, Stephen’s older than me by a few years, but we went to the same evangelical high school in High Point, N.C. His family was somewhat known as being a bit more liberal. And I’ve valued his posts on Facebook discussing politics and world affairs.

He has a Ph.D. his work has appeared in the LA Times, Washington Post, among other publications.

I’ll let you read the essay yourself. But his primary point is to encourage discussion between disagreeing parties regarding President-elect Donald Trump and some advice on how to do so.

I’m petrified to discuss this topic at my home over the Christmas holiday. But I am desperate for certain answers to questions I have about how any Jesus-loving believer could vote for someone like Trump. I can only identify one way that Trump resembles anything Christian, and that’s if you don’t agree with either of them, either will make your life hell. Jesus in the afterlife. Trump, via Twitter and taking your ass to court and suing the hell out of you.

This fear not discuss Trump with my family comes from a history of discussions gone awry. The result of the conversations going south are usually my fault. I am not as good of a talker as I am a writer (and even that is up for grabs). Number two: I’m a hot head and when I’m flustered, I communicate even worse than I do when I’m of sober mind and spirit.

Take this example: my Mom and Dad were visiting Tina and me this past summer. I was cooking them breakfast the day they were to leave. All things were going fine. There were no issues during their few days staying in our little two-bedroom condo in Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood.

At one point, we all started talking about the economy and my back was to everyone as I cooked. We discussed how it seemed more money was in our pockets thanks to low gas prices and other elements of economic betterment especially since it was so bad in 2007 to 2009. We seemed to agree that the weight of the depression was alleviated and getting better all the time.

Within a few minutes of talking about something else, my Dad made a comment about how bad the economy is under Obama and started going on and on about the dismal state of the Obama’s flaccid attempts to make it better. I slammed down the pan I was cooking in. “This is patently untrue! That’s not what the record shows” I erupted. Not only had we just talked about it, everyone from my conservative, republican friends and colleagues in the banking and insurance industries continue to reflect a perspective of growth.

My Mom defended my Dad by saying, “I guess it depends on where you get your information from.”

But … but … but … we ALL just talked about the bettered economy!!!

I think the last point that was made was that there are Americans who are still suffering from a depressed economy.

Yes, there are economic ruins in this country in pockets that are still feeling the burden of the depression, but isn’t that the problem with trickle-down economics … if you’re in lower socio economic regions, trickles take a helluva lot more time. That’s Reagan Economics in a nutshell. We can all agree to that. It was the dig against Obama that drove me nuts especially when everyone was just singing Kum-bay-fucking-ya about the improved economy.

Not to mention, my family directly benefits from socialized, government infrastructures that protect and provide for them on different levels. There are no better poster-children for government-loving, democratic-loving secularists like people in my immediate family. But a vote for Hillary was disgusting as hell compared to a Christ-hating, orange buffoon because “He tells it like it is,” and “The supreme court will get stacked against ‘Republican values’ if we don’t vote for him!”

Republican values. What the hell does that mean anymore with a leader like Trump?

It’s the hypocritical disproportion of approach that is an unfair conversation approach. One cannot talk about improved economy and follow it with a disparaging illogical comment about it within minutes.

This hypocrisy is what we anticipate as an unfair approach to dinner-time political banter among disagreeing parties.

This is a guy who has yet to give props to the almighty for anything. Even atheists have claimed him for his lack of belief-affirming behaviors.

This is a guy who is as America-first as any tax-evading gangster can be.

This is a self-defined womanizer. Pussy grabbing aside. His three-wife, I wouldn’t have hit on that ugly woman who claims I assaulted her bullshit.

A man who criticizes our veterans and POWs.

A man who makes fun of handicapped citizens.

A man who calls for violence against his opposition.

A man who is the poster child for xenophobia.

Trump  would certainly deport a brown man born of a middle eastern woman who isn’t married to the father of her child. He would balk at giving them a lease in one of his opulent buildings. Giving up his wealth for the sake of tradition as president … NOT going to happen. Camels walk through needles more easily. We know he wouldn’t hang with Zacchaeus; the man doesn’t pay taxes. Jesus didn’t command to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, unless there’s a loophole or two.

Trump has run out of cheeks to turn. His track record of caring for his enemies, in the below zeroes.

Although, welcoming home a prodigal son, like Rick Perry or Ben Carson … I guess you can’t get more Jesus-y than that.

All hail Trump.

I would love to hear a rational approach to supporting Trump. Rational in terms of a coherent message that supports the convictions of Christ-loving, life-loving, decent human beings and how they rationalize and align their love of Jesus and his message with a guy like Trump.

But this request for coherence is coming from a guy like me who thinks that the bar for the Good News Gospel is set way too low. That even if proven to be real, I’d still not support belief and allegiance to Jesus or God. But that’s my fault. Or Satan’s. Or whatever the hell.

Oh bother.

The Ghost of Christmas past always shows Ebenezer where he came from and the Ghost of the Future shows him how dismal it’s going to be … I’m afraid I don’t know the script well enough to change life’s trajectory and Make the Christmas Dinner Table Discussion Great again.

But there’s always hope that Jesus will hear anyone’s prayers. So let him hear mine.

Amen.