Twin Peaks, big fans, contrived art, sado-masichism and you

My favorite show from the 90s was Twin Peaks. It was on Thursday nights at 10 p.m. when I was in my Sophomore and Junior years of high school.

At the time, I worked at a sandwich and ice cream joint called “Mayberry’s” on Lexington Ave in High Point NC. My typical schedule had me working every Thursday night until around 9:45. After work, I would race home to catch as much of the show as I could.

I loved every second of Twin Peak’s madness. The variety of characters. The dreams. The supernatural. The giants. The little people. Bob! Bob! Bob! It was truly a fascinating, and sometimes unnerving and scary show. I’ve rewatched all the episodes many times as well as re-watched the prequel “Fire Walk with Me.”

When it was announced that a new season of Twin Peaks was being produced again, I was through the moon. I waited for it to return and I subscribed to Showtime on Amazon Prime so that I could keep up with the show and revel in it with all its fans.

I’ve watched all the episodes and rewatched several of the episodes. And just when I think, “Yeah! This show is going to be off the hook. IT’s going to rekindle all my feelings for how great it was and no can be!”

That’s when I deflate like a child pulling on the mouth of an inflated balloon.

My first inclination was maybe I’m missing something. Or maybe I’m stupid. And when I look, there are people that are enthused about the show. Fans. Big fans. I was criticized on twitter for not being a true fan.

I lick my wounds and wonder if I really am.

But isn’t saying that a person who thinks they’re a huge fan that they aren’t a huge fan …the rough equivalent of saying, “You’re not a real <insert any number of titles>” including “democrat,” “republican,” “christian,” “lover,” “fighter,” “atheist,” etc. etc.?

I’m such a fan of Twin Peaks, that although I’m hating almost every second of the show except some select scenes or select parts of scenes … I am sticking to it. I’ve watched every second of every episode and some multiple times. I’m 14 episodes in. I’m watching. I want to rewatch the episodes I hate. I want to figure out what it is I’m missing out on. I want to have what the “true” fans have.

Where’s the fucking cliff’s notes for this crap? 

I honestly think of David Lynch as a mad genius. I love him. I love his work. If I was a believing man, I’d build an altar in my house to his likeness and pray to him five times a day on a mat facing Twin Peaks, whichever direction that might be.

I’m a college educated guy. I can interpret metaphor and am capable of spending a day at a contemporary art museum and not be pissed off by whatever level of art hits the walls. I love abstract and don’t feel I need a hand holder to view it.

End of the day, I’m left often with the feeling that the art and the story of this new season of Twin Peaks is so fucking contrived that David Lynch is sitting somewhere tapping his fingers like Mr. Burns in a leather bound chair near a fire (the mantle features an oil painting of David Lynch standing behind a chair with a seated Log Lady and beside him is Harvey, the Pooka from the old Jimmy Stewart movie of the same name). Lynch is in his chair with a snifter of scotch  watching a twitter feed of praise for Twin Peaks 2017 thinking, “These people are gullible fools! I meant nothing but to waste film and hire all my favorite actors for a few months! Hahahahaha!!!”

The cult of Lynch followers are all in blind love for their so-called fandom that they are comprehensively incapable of viewing the show with an iota of critical thought. So then they exclaim, “WE COLLECTIVELY LOVE TWIN PEAKS!” And whoever does not … they are not true fans.

Are you a true “whatever it is you claim to be?” Are you a true optimist? A true Christian. Are you a true democrat, independent or republican. Are you a true American? Are you the American who loves America or the ones you LOVE America? How many flags do you own and wave? How many T-shirts do you own that show your adoration?

If you encounter another American who doesn’t share your same T-shirt count, do you tell them, “You’re not a true American?”

There are so many versions of the same thing.

Yesterday, there was a lawyer on PBS as I was flipping channels. I stopped to listen and didn’t catch his name. But the interviewer was lauding the lawyer for being impartial to political systems. He claimed he wasn’t democrat or republican, because the labels are too limited. He claims he fights for what’s right, and doesn’t subscribe to the labels.

He openly seemed to say, “I’m proud to not be a true [fill in the blank], because I’m true to a universal concept of humanity.”

I believe that it’s possible to be true to humanity. When people come out from behind the mask of an Internet armchair, people aren’t shitheads to people. They don’t say shit like, “You’re not a true Twin Peaks fan.” Not to your face.

But the internets give voice to assholery. In light of that, when I have a dispute anymore on the Facebook … I tell the person to give me their direct phone number and we’ll talk things out over the phone. It has always prevented the conversation from going further faster than the speed of racism, ignorance, greed, malice and stupidity …. all wrapped into one.

Should I be sorry that my response to being told I’m not a true fan is saying, “You’re too big of a fan that you can’t see the forest for the trees of Twin Peaks”?

I guess I could be. But I’m probably not.

If you know the show, you know that Agent Dale Cooper was the power force that drove the original show in the 90s. You know that Agent Dale Cooper is on the 2017 show in different forms, one is as Dougie Jones, supposedly a decoy created by Cooper’s doppelgänger.

Dougie is stuck in some kind of purgatory of personality with idiosyncrasies of Cooper, but he’s a catatonic mindless fool incapacitated by a spiritual dreamworld event. When Cooper/Jones returns to the “real world” everyone (his wife, work colleagues, etc) start to believe he is a god among men. If a character says, “Would you like a cup of coffee, Dougie?” He repeats, “like coffee.” Then they scramble to get him a cup off coffee. Which he LOVES like a handicapped version of the guy who drove the 90s show. Even in a catatonic state, he’s saved the Insurance company he works for millions because of the brilliant people around him interpreting this complete lack of facility.

Everyone interprets Dougie’s actions in their own ways, but then it makes Dougie Jones, the crap version of Agent Dale Cooper, to be amazing … when he’s just a drooling sack of shit.

Like I said above, this is David Lynch’s artistic effort to show how mindless his fans are that they’ll make a drooling pile of catatonic shit TV out to be as GREAT as Agent Cooper was in the 90s.

Hysterical? Nope. Smart? Not sure I would agree. Sad? Maybe. Pathetic? I’m guessing yes.

And I’m still willing to ride through the bitter end.

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