I need a brain amputation. You need a brain transplant.

Last night, I dreamed that I was in need of a partial brain removal. The surgery was due to what seemed to be swelling in my brain.

In the dream, a man, I think it was the contractor we used to tile the floor in my bathroom, he told me that he could do the procedure and it wouldn’t be that intrusive. You know, because he has one of those machines to cut tile. He could use it (somehow) to cut through my skull.

He explained he would have to keep me awake, saw into my skull, start peeling off layers of brain with a scalpel, and he would know if he hit any necessary keeper tissue if I jolted from pain.

So he numbed some of the areas in my head, and went to work.

There he was sawing into my head, the sound was deafening. Like when you’re at the dentist and he or she is jamming into your teeth with a drill and the sound is excruciating because it’s in your mouth just inches from your eardrum.

He removed a large portion of skull, hair intact (not shaven). He placed it on the table. Then he started slicing brain, like it was sandwich meat and lying it on the table beside me. I could see the gray ripples of my brain guts in strips, kind of like what I would serve if I made steak tacos with flank steak.

He sewed me back up saying that he was able to remove about 1/16th of my brains.

I woke during the night several times, but every other dream seemed to harken back to that partial brain amputation. Like it was one continuous dream.

This one continuous dream thing has been happening for a couple weeks now. It’s got me thinking.

This brain amputation must be real. It seems that ±35% of the American population has had this procedure and the removal was upwards of 75% to 95% of their entire gray matter.

There’s this one guy in Washington DC who seems to have had an 85% brain amputation and if he knew better would encourage science to figure out brain transplants. But he can’t, because his skull is cobwebs and the most idiotic tweets I’ve ever read.