Thoughts on the Brett Kavanaugh hearing

I watched yesterday’s hearing. I hear a lot of people were glued to their TVs yesterday, too.

I rarely watch news and found it interesting to see what I usually only listen to on the radio. The nuances of seeing a hearing definitely made a big difference.

I welled up with tears several times watching and hearing Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony. It wrenched my heart in ways that I can only begin to imagine what pain she’s dealing with.

I’m not sure whether to believe her or not. But the testimony was compelling, and her sweetness and authenticity were remarkable.

Then Brett Kavanaugh entered and blasted off to the moon with his angry rant against a conspiratorial plot to ruin his life and family. He doesn’t believe he deserves this kind of treatment, and he’s up in arms that this is ruining his name.

I get it. But there’s one thing that is mind-boggling. 

I grew up privileged in an uber white area at a private school. The differences between Kavanaugh and me are that he grew up in a richer area with even more privilege. He also had less strict party laws. We were shamed against any level of partying, no drinking, no dancing, no sex, no nothing. It was jammed down my throat like whatever they do to geese to make fois gras.

The thing that struck me the most was Kavanaugh’s loss of temper. I was (still am) very emotional person. I had a fiery temper and a level of anger at an early age that defied all will and ability to control it.

I was taught, and often punished, for my temper. I was called out on so many occasions. The resounding repeated reprimand was that it was inappropriate to lose one’s temper, in any way at any time. A temper was to be controlled. Emotions were to be calm at all times. As if God himself demanded this of his flock and one of the biggest sins you could break.

Watching Kavanaugh, like a privileged white baby throw his fiery emotional temper tantrum in the face, and call it a political conspiracy theory about the 2016 election and his work against the Clintons was about the most difficult thing I’ve seen in a long time. Difficult because he should have kept his cool should he have been disciplined in approach.

His anger made him look guilty.

But all that doesn’t matter. The narrative the right wants everyone to believe is that this came out of left field (literally and figuratively). And the left wants everyone to believe they are doing this out of respect for the constitution.

The truth is out there, but it’s not entirely any of these narratives. Yeah, it can be said that politically, the democrats want to push back until after blue wave crashes against the shores of D.C. And the whole Lindsey Graham blowout is bullshit, too. Two words: Merrick Garland.

Fuck.

If the Republicans didn’t want a fight, they would have given Obama the right to choose the SCOTUS pick after Scalia passed. This narrative perpetuated by Graham’s temper tantrum is a complete ruse.

This kind of political melodrama is what causes so much cynicism in this country. People who want a voice get shut down by the loud assholes with a temper tantrum. The babies get their way. And the vulnerable go back to nursing their wounds without a voice or credibility.

The political landscape is overrun by Kavanaughs and Graham’s, white overprivileged men who have overwhelming support to cover up any bullshit in their pasts so that they can remain in power, while their sins are ignored.

And the people that support them, are strong-armed white men who claim conservative values, who claim Christian ideals, who would stare back at Senator Kennedy’s “Do you believe in God?” line of questioning and be able to answer with, “I did nothing wrong. I’m innocent.” While their pants are aflame and their noses grow … these men stand behind their own lies. Their infidelities and downfalls only because they think some invisible dude in the sky forgave them for whatever it was they did and that their current trajectory of righteous indignation is more powerfully motivated than those fascist liberals.

It’s gross.

All yesterday did was dredge up every angry feeling I have about how the conservative lifestyle and ideologies heaped so much complete bullshit into my head, in the name of God, that I will forever wonder if any of it has any redemptive quality whatsoever.

I felt watching it would be a part of watching history. And history is just that. HIS-story. His-story over hers.

I’ve heard many conservatives say that the worst thing that happened in this country was when women were given the right to vote. This resounds in their every action. And if it weren’t for the overpowering control men have over their wives and children, every woman in the conservative movement would pack their bags and join any movement but that one.

I felt watching it would be a part of watching history. And history is just that. HIS-story. His-story over hers.

And that sucks.

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One thought on “Thoughts on the Brett Kavanaugh hearing

  1. I can imagine that you were upset about this man’s behaviour. I don’t follow all the American political isues, but was made aware of this one. Funny that after all this time,not much progress has been made by some men, concerning women.

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