Apple and I have something in common

Words out.

Apple strategically tilts the screens on their laptops and monitors in the stores purposefully so that you have to reach out and touch them to make them viewable for you.

It’s a “theory” that they think works. They think touching their “products” makes you more loyal.

They love it the most when you touch them on their little dongle doos.

That’s what I do with my butt when I’m walking down the street. I tilt it at weird angles to encourage others to reach out and adjust it. It creates a loyalty in strangers to love me … and only me.

Jesus does the same thing.

Only he does it with abstract concepts of hell and damn fire.

If you adjust the weird messaging of the concept of hell to tilt up toward your face, it shows the sweet and kind face of Yeshua.

Cute, huh?

More here.

You wanna hear something crazy? I found my iPhone

I’m editing photography today, and posting may be sparse.

Before I went to bed, my phone appeared again … in Utah. So I started sending it messages hoping that the person who had it would see it and call me. But no luck.

I called Utah police, they told me I needed to call Baltimore police. And they all made it sound like there wasn’t a chance I was getting my phone back. This wasn’t a priority for them.

The Find my iPhone app was pinpointing the phone at a residence in West Valley City, Utah. I was able to determine the exact address using Google Maps. And I was able to verify the address by using Streetview. You could read the number painted on the pavement in front of the home.

So I googled the address, and in 2008, there was a court case that included the resident of that address listed amount many. I whitepaged the name it gave which was Gloria Jensen, and it verified that she lived in the home with her husband Merrill. I got a phone number and decided to call in the morning, as I thought it would be really rude to call at 1:30 a.m. their time.

I called and I spoke to Merrill, who is a little old man with a really quiet voice and a very confused sense of understanding the world. He found the phone on the bus we took from the rental area to the airport. The screen shows a picture of Tina and I, so Merrill explained that he thought he could identify the person by looking around the airport for me.

He thought that I would be on his plane, so he kept the phone instead of giving it to Lost and Found or to the flight staff or security at the airport.

All that’s to say, I told Merrill to please mail me the phone and I would call him to find out the shipping and handling later this week to reimburse him.

When Merrill answered his phone and I explained who I was, he asked, “How did you find me?” I told him that I pinpointed his exact address via GPS. He made a comment questioning his sense of security. I said, “Well, imagine if you stole it and the police were hunting you down.”

He didn’t really get it.

But I’m pretty sure I really freaked him out.

 

 

You will win and you will lose

Yesterday I talked about fucking up a sound file for a high-profile client video. There was a chance we’d reshoot the piece today, but that didn’t happen. Scheduling the CEO was too difficult.

I would be very surprised if the client ever called me again. So I gotta chalk up the failure AND a lost client.

I hope no one ever mistakes me for someone who doesn’t own up to their blunders. I take failure very seriously, in myself and others. And I failed hard on this one. There’s no question about that.

But it didn’t kill me. And it’ll likely be something that never happens again.

The good news is that I finally had a chance to go to Apple about my phone. They replaced it no questions asked. I’m updating it now. In the interim, I had a beater phone. Every time someone texted me, I would call them back if it was more than a one or two-word response.

Going back to keypad texting was really tough.

The reason I didn’t go to Apple until today, was their reservation service was always backed up. We had traveling and a heavy schedule, so I needed a little better window than one or two days out.

I made my reservation with a “genius” for 1:30 p.m. It was so crowded and over “reserved” that I waited 30 minutes before seeing anyone. It seems like a conspiracy that I can’t go to an AT&T store to have them replace my phone. Thirty minutes in an Apple store is the rough equivalent to forty nights for a nymphomaniac at a whore house.

But I resisted all temptations and only left with what I wanted, a working iPhone.

We stopped at Jewel on the way home for a couple groceries we needed for dinner. I saw a cashier who reminded me of a story I meant to tell you.

One time, I was checking out. The cashier was a man, in his late 30s to early 40s. He was geeky looking. There were stains on his burgundy-colored Jewel shirt. His name read something like, “Marty.”

Marty asked for my ID. I had beer in my cart. I handed it to him. He handed it back and said, “1975. That was a bad year.”

“Oh yeah?” I kind of laughed to myself. “What happened?”

“My parents got divorced,” he said sharply.

The rest of the check out experience was [sing-song] awkward.

I hope you didn’t lose any clients today. And something you wanted to happen happened. And no one told you bad news about their parents divorcing in 1975.

Or, hell, that you told someone bad news and made an awkward situation more awkward.

Steve Jobs, another reason not to believe

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

I found the above quote by Steve Jobs from the famous Stanford Commencement Speech over at Kottke.org. I posted the speech here before, and I find it one more reason why disbelief in all supernatural is the best way to go.

The greatest business leaders and forerunners of artistic achievement share my perspective for a liberally progressive society. And it’s great to be validated often for that idea. Someone told me just this week that I’ll become more “conservative” as I grow older.

The liberal mentality matches Yeshua’s message more directly than the conservatives will ever achieve. But I don’t believe in Yeshua, only parts of his message. So what do I know.

 

Mac OS X Lion

Last night and today, I’ve been working on upgrading one of my computers to OS X Lion. I haven’t had a chance to do much with it, yet, because of all the updating I needed for other apps.

I whisked through the email update this morning and it looks cool.

I’ll be updating here more soon. But here’s a short review (of a review) that I thought a couple of you might enjoy.

From Kottke:

And as usual, the definitive review of any new version of OS X is John Siracusa’s for Ars Technica. This time around, it runs 19 pages. If that’s not to your liking, you can just download Lion right now from the Mac App Store for $30.

Two other misc Apple thoughts: 1) They appear to have discontinued the MacBook. There are Airs and Pros but no plain-old MacBooks. 2) Apple Inc, already among the largest companies in the world in terms of market cap,announced yesterday that the company’s “revenue [is] up 82 percent and profits [are] up 125 percent” over the same quarter last year. That level of growth in such a big company…that’s just astounding. And much of the revenue and profitare from products that didn’t exist even five years ago…the iPad alone was a ~$5 billion business in Q3 (for comparison, Google had $9 billion in total revenues in Q2). If that’s not unprecedented, it’s damn close.

Giggity: New iPad specs leaked

Image representing iPad as depicted in CrunchBase
Image via CrunchBase

The Wall Street Journal published leaked specs on the upcoming iPad. Apple is outdoing itself on this one.

The new iPad consists of two contact lenses and ten rubber thimble things. You put the thimbles on each finger for typing and moving around the screen which appears like Iron Man’s vision on your retina.

They’re calling it the iPad Iron Man.

Read more about it here.

Weird things have been happening!

Everyone has been talking about the birds dropping from the sky and the fish dying.

But what about all the crazy shit that’s happening to us! No one mentioned that … out of nowhere … our backdoor knob … broke. The insides gave out. Suddenly. Out of the blue. We were trying to get in, and I turned the knob, and it just kept turning. Damn if I didn’t need to replace the doorknob in the dead of winter with cold air blowing in and my poor heater blowing out.

I am not making that up.

And yesterday, we were at the dog park, and we found out that a veteran, a real army veteran, a war hero, was hit by a bus just before Christmas while riding his bike. What kind of a Christmas present is that? He’s had several surgeries and will need several more. They had to reconstruct his ear, and rebuild his sternum and shoulder with Darth Vadar-like mechanics. He’s now more man than machine, but not for long …

I’m not making it up.

And for two heathens, our prayers have been answered more than when I was a believer.

I’ve been hoping and praying that Talulah would finally start telling me when she needed to go out. For as long as we’ve had her, her indications weren’t clear. She’d chase her tail and I would ask, “Do you need to go out?” Or she would lick her fanny, and I would ask, “Do you need to go out?” Finally, this past week, she’s started going by the door and whimpering.

Prayers answered!

I’m not making it up.

AND (there’s a big AND!), Tina and I have been exploring what software we need to grow the business, and we were mystified that Apple didn’t have a way to download applications straight from the Web site like you can with Adobe and many other software developers.

And over the last week, our prayers were answered. Apple started the App store offering the exact applications we wanted to buy … AND for less!

Can you believe it!?!

To top things off, Verizon now offers the iPhone and Illinois democrats raised income taxes by 67 fucking %. I can hear Old Fart laughing from here.

So yeah, weird things have been happening. And I wish I were making up the last part.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

What to do with your New Year’s Day

I follow DealMac for hot deals on geek gadgets, cameras and consumer-level products. They listed a hot deal that I thought you might appreciate. The movie “Inception” is available for download viewing at Amazon.com for $0.99 today.

If you have a way to set up your computer to your TV, it might be a way to pass a couple hours today in an entertaining way.

There are also some good iPhone and iPad apps available for free or heavily discounted today that might please your pumpkins:

I thought you might like to know.