Nice try, goofballs! god — should he exist — made wolves. human’s made dogs.

1236423_10201228298524014_996804982_nI think I’ve posted this before, but it’s a good reminder.

It says that God — if the myths are true — made dogs to do all kinds of amazing things.

“God said: I need somebody strong enough to pull sleds and find bombs; yet gentle enough to love babies and lead the blind. Somebody who will spend all day on a couch, with a resting head and supportive eyes, to lift the spirits of a broken heart.”

That’s just not true. God made wolves. Human’s domesticated wolves and helped breed them to become their helpers.

The deity, in all his foresight, chose to make an animal that would murder a human in an instant over a hunger pang.

If this level of ignorance is so easily broadcast on the internets, imagine what else is getting overlooked.

Seen on facebook.

Hey, hottie, how do you like my socks?

Earlier this week, I took Talulah out back to play Chuck-It!, which is Talulah’s favorite fetch game of all time.

It was scheduled to be a hot-ass day, and I was determined during the hottest days that I would take T out twice a day in two shorter spurts. The heat saps Talulah’s energy faster, but yet she has more energy later in the day if I don’t.

This was our second outing.

I grabbed Talulah’s leash, the ball, the Chuck-it and poop bags. “I’m taking Talulah out again,” I yelled to Tina as I left. Our play area is just past the alley behind our place. It’s a perfect strip of grass for  throwing the ball.

As we go out, I make Talulah sit while we cross the alley to make sure no cars are coming.

Off in the distance, I noticed a blonde woman walking her dog on the leash. She was close enough that by the time I got to the top of the hill, if I threw the ball, it might be awkward, since some people aren’t thrilled to see a pit bull off leash.

So I made Talulah lie down, and wait for her to pass.

The closer she got, the cuter this stranger became. She was wearing a sun dress with reds and blues. It was beautiful flowery print. She was wearing black leggings that were visible just under the bottom hem of the dress. On her right arm was a bird tattoo. Her nose was pierced, and her eyes were piercing blue.

“May we say hello?” she called out. It took me by surprise. Usually the most people say is hello.

“Of course.” I said. “Although she gets a little OCD about her ball. So she might not …” At that point, Talulah got up and gave this other dog a good sniff or two.

Referring to her dog, the stranger said, “She gets a little aggressive on her leash. I noticed that your dog was calm, and it would be a good training opportunity.”

Within our staggered, cumbersome conversation, I noticed the size of her chest. Her boobs were bigger, but pulled together by some kind of tube top perhaps. They bounced with every step.

We had one of those moments when her leash tangled around my legs. I noticed the freckles on her face.

Beautiful women make me nervous, and this was no exception.

(You should see me bumble around Tina).

At some point I admitted that Talulah was also aggressive on her leash. “I think it’s a leash thing. Off leash, she’s so much better.”

The blonde nodded. I noticed her size me up a little, too (maybe?).

“Did she notice my wedding ring? I hope my hair isn’t too big right now,” I thought.

Meanwhile, I noticed more art on her neck and shoulder. I could have fanned myself.

Our interaction lasted all of 30 seconds. And off she walked down the trail. I watched her go. I couldn’t help it. Evolution gifted me with a libido-laden voyeurism that is difficult to ignore.

When she was 20 feet away, I threw Talulah’s ball the other direction. I turned back to watch a little longer.

“Whoa,” I said out loud. “So flipping cute.”

Talulah came back with the ball. It squishes and squeaks in her teeth as she munches on it before laying it back down in front of me.

I was thinking of all the things I wanted to say, like, “Gosh, you have a really cool look,” and “Don’t take this as a come on, but you are so hot” just before doing a Chuck Jones cartoon character eye-ball, ooga ooga routine.

Looking down at the ball that Talulah dropped, I caught a glimpse of myself. I was wearing a ratty, old yellow shirt with the graphics all coming off. I had on brown pants that were stained from cooking. I was wearing those soccer flip flops with mismatched blue and black socks.

And to top it off, we inherited a leash from Talulah’s daycare that is fucking purple with a bright pink poop bag holder attached to the end. I was wearing this sweet, purple leash around my chest, like a Mexican drug lord wears his ammo holster.

It was at that very moment when I thought, “No, she wasn’t looking at my wedding ring.”

It’s Wednesdog!

Well, hump a day of the week … it’s Wednesdog!

This week is brought to you by my neighbor’s brand, spanking new Great Dane named Cash. My neighbor just got back from a 6,000 (total) mile drive out to Idaho to pick Cash up and whisk him back to Chicago where he’s going to cuddle with her till the cows come home.

Cash is just 9 weeks old and weighs in at about 30 lbs. You can see below that he’s already gaining up on Talulah’s height.

You’d barely believe that little cash is still wobbly on his feet and has trouble navigating the stairs without looking like he’s going to tumble to the ground.

These photos aren’t fantastic. They were shot on my phone. But we’re working on scheduling Cash in the studio soon.

I hope he still has those blue eyes, because we’re going to make those things sparkle! And those paws! They are gigantic.

Happy Hump Day to you. Make sure you find something, a pillow, a doll, a pie, to hump before this day gets away from you.

Honk!

It’s Wednesdog!

Today’s Wednesdog is brought to you by Talulah and her boyfriend Tivo. Tivo is a chocolate Doberman who has a special way of making Talulah do the puppy-dog dance of joy.

You should see the way they wrestle. It’s so cute. And then, when you thought they couldn’t get cuter, Talulah and Tivo will walk up to one another and kiss each other, smackdab on the mouth.

Tivo is Bill’s dog. And since our studio is a dedicated area of Bill’s apartment, we like to give Talulah an assistant credit by bringing her on set. While I’m throwing direction at a model, Tivo and Talulah occupy themselves with a wrestle fest.

This is a shot Tina took from the back door during a load out.

Happy Wednesdog!

It’s Wednesdog!

This week’s Wednesdog is brought to you by my niece’s dog Bella.

Bella is an odd breed. She’s a mix between a Rottweiler, a Great Dane, a Lhasa Apso and a Venezuelan Kangaroo.

I’m not kidding.

Okay. I am.

Bella’s a Chichimunga Chihuahua. She loves eating, pooping, drinking water, and barking.

Apparently she likes to get her pink-blonde hair all over black blankets as well.

Can you tell I’m making this up?

My dad submitted the shot. I don’t have any age information.

She does love barking at me, though. That’s for sure.

Don’t forget to hump a stranger’s leg today and lick their face when they get mad.

It’s Wednesdog!

This week’s humping, sweet cheeks Wednesdog is brought to you by regular-reading dog lover Petursey and his sweet, sweet girl Molly.

Pete’s one of our many international readers who — if you didn’t know — has an eye and know-how for great photography and a penchant for keeping one of the cutest dogs ever.

I want to let Pete tell you the story of how he got Molly. It’s a great one:

The weird thing about Molly and me is that when I got her I never actually planned to get her. I’d made the appointment to go and see the breeder but was not sure about getting her as she was brindle ( I wanted a red Akita) and that she was the last puppy. When I got to the breeders I asked why she was the last pup and the breeder said there were two reasons…one that she’d been standoff-ish with everyone who came to see the other puppies and two the breeder wanted to keep her herself but her husband said No.. So she warned me not to expect much when she opened the doors….so I was prepared for a not very nice puppy. The breeder opened the door..Molly appeared saw me, looked in my eyes and flew across the room and onto my lap. Everyone looked on in shock and the breeders husband said ” Well someone made her choice it was like she had been waiting…I paid the money and came home with the best dog in the world… And the rest is history !

See! I told you it was great.

Don’t forget to brush between your canines today.

And hug a dog and hump a leg when you can!

It’s Wednesdog!

This week’s Wednesdog is brought to you by regular-reading Glock21. At the time of posting, I’m not sure what Glock calls this little fella or, um, gal fella.

***UPDATE***

Glock’s dog is named “Bentley”. Please feel free to insert Bentley where I’ve written “Glock’s Dog”.

***END UPDATE*** 

Glock offers us this photo with the following words:

Our family dog can never decide which toy he wants more… so he’ll go through hell and high water to get both.

I don’t know about you, but I count three toys in Glock’s dog’s mouth, a blue one, a yogurt container and a human arm.

What is Glock into that he can provide human arms for his dog’s hell or high water enjoyment? Suddenly Talulah wants me to shop at the same pet store as Glock. It’s really quite embarrassing.

Whatever the case, if your leg doesn’t get humped today, plan on humping someone else’s. Greet all your friends with a butt sniff. And, oh yeah, poop outside for a change and pick it up with a plastic bag.

If you don’t pick it up, people will get angry.

It’s Wednesdog!

This week’s Wednesdog is brought to you by Achilles, and, well, Bill Whitmire.

During Saturday’s shoot, some mutual friends of ours brought over their dogs for a quick shot or two.

We had just shot another dog, and we were baffled on how to get the dog to shut its mouth. We’ve had a couple different common obstacles with dogs. One of them is to get their ears up. Most nervous dogs put them back, and it shows in the portraits.

We think we’ve overcome that.

The other obstacle is to get the dog to calm down enough to shut its mouth. We were hoping to grab Achilles with his mouth shut when Bill got the bright idea to time a squeaky toy with a snapping off a couple shots.

It worked like a charm. Although the shot below doesn’t feature Achilles mouth completely closed, the alternative was a panting dog which we didn’t want.

Stay tuned for Achilles sister boxer Pandora who may (or may not) steal your heart.