Loving Republicans give me a chance to practice cognitive dissonance

Over at Facebook, I read this conservative column titled, “Hating Republicans in Southern California” written by Brian Birdnow. It was a response to a liberal column printed in the L.A. Times called “Liberals vs Conservatives” written by Diana WagmanHere’s the L.A. Times link. 

In a nutshell, Wagman says she enjoyed the company of her vacation-home neighbors until she found out they were republicans. She describes how they were enjoying drinks and a poker game, until the mixed-race marriage duo admitted their allegiance to … bum bum bum … the Tea Party.

And Birdnow writes about Wagman encompassing the stereotype of the typical liberal with her typical views and exposes her for the hypocrisy of liking them until finding out their voting views. He blames her for the division of American viewpoints and perpetuating the ever-widening gap of discord.

What’s your problem, brablem? 

The problem I have with Wagman’s article is that she claims she doesn’t want to be friends with her tea-party neighbors and hopes that she vacations on the weekends in which her neighbors do not. But that’s what I love about Tea Party folks. Hell, my family sides with the Tea Party. I don’t care what people’s views are. When we’re being social, let’s be social. If you want to talk politics, let’s talk about it.

I don’t want to avoid you because we don’t share the same views. I want to embrace you. I want to find out what your thoughts really are. I want to help change your diapers. I don’t want to avoid you.

Since I don’t have religion, loving republicans is my way of expressing cognitive dissonance. I gotta do it somehow. Might as well do it with a living, breathing human being.

The problem with these discussions, from my experience, is that nobody gives a shit what I think. Tina and I rarely get the opportunity to express our views. So we nod and talk shit about it later.

Gosh, if you want to side with a group who thinks the president isn’t a “real” Christian, or he’s not a legitimate American, and that the government is too big and awful. If you want to have a party led by a bunch of men who openly don’t practice the values they preach, I’ll gladly sit down at a table and discuss the facts over a meal you bought with food stamps. No problem there at all.

The problem I have with Birdnow’s column was this line:

Certainly Ms. Wagman would argue that Rush Limbaugh should be censored, that Ann Coulter is a national disgrace, and that George W. Bush was the worst President in American history.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t think Limbaugh needs censorship. Coulter isn’t a national disgrace. Their expression of crazy paves the road for my expression of crazy. Tit for tat. And Coulter’s only a cunt if you let her be one. If you don’t like her, don’t read or listen to her. Same with me.

And George Doubleya wasn’t the worst American president.

Reagan was.

Double Honk. 

Just like Birdnow thinks we’re going to have poor people until people and government stop profiting from it (read: The Business of Poverty: Why Poverty Will Never End“), we’re going to have this oppositional discussion until people stop profiting from it.

[insert screeching tire sound here]

Did you go read that column that Birdnow wrote?

Go read it. I’ll wait. 

We’re going to have poor people until the government agencies and bloated bureaucracies that support poor people in this country are ended?

Shit. All this time I thought there was no end to poverty because Jesus said, “The poor will always be among you” (Mark 14:7).

My social working friends are all out making their millions peanuts helping the poor, you know, like Jesus did everywhere except Mark fucking 14 verse 7 when he was getting his feet washed with perfume by a woman the Catholic church declared a hooker and Rush Limbaugh would call a slut.

If conservatives really wanted to be conservative, they’d go 100 times more traditional than the Amish, and go live in the middle east like a bunch of robed lepers. They’d sell all they have, give it to the poor, and live and act like Jesus behaved and how he prescribed. But that would be too extreme, because secular life is exciting and modern advances are too attractive to actually be a traditional, Jesus-loving conservative.

But, Jer-bear, celibacy is too hard!

For the record, people can’t claim to be a conservative of traditional values and the only time those values are — kind of, but not really — expressed at the voting booth.

But I guess we’re going to have this problem of religious fervency until the church stops profiting from its adherents.

Am I right, or am I right?


A followup: the Republican debate in 100 seconds.

The Santorum saying his name part is, wow, just wow.

Even this clip is loaded with the fear-mongering. Check out Santorum’s inability to keep eye contact.

The only thing I’m missing is the shots of Gingrich sitting there with his pudgy arms wrapped around his round belly as he picked his teeth with his tongue thinking about his failed marriages.


Pulling our troops out of Iraq

The Internets are abuzz with news of the American military finally leaving Iraq.

How awesome is that.

What a great Christmas present for our military’s friends and families.

I loved this line from an article at NPR from the Associated Press:

The last U.S. soldiers rolled out of Iraq across the border to neighboring Kuwait at daybreak Sunday, whooping, fist bumping and hugging each other in a burst of joy and relief.

But the writer couldn’t leave well enough alone. The very next line reads:

Their exit marked the end of a bitterly divisive war that raged for nearly nine years and left Iraq shattered, with troubling questions lingering over whether the Arab nation will remain a steadfast U.S. ally.

The article explains that we lost 4,500 troops during the war and over 100,000 Iraqis. Not to mention the over 500 private military contractors.

It also says America spent over $800 billion from the US treasury. $800 billion?

Between dead and injured troops, dead and injured Iraqis, a price tag of $800 billion, and the toll the war took on American (and international) morale, goodness gracious alive I hope we made the right “investment”.

I’m having trouble, because my immediate reaction to this story was to post a big old shot of President Bush with the “Mission Accomplished” banner hanging behind him.

But I refrain. Our military deserves and demands our support. We should give them that respect.


Kottke: The Onion predicted the future

Official photograph portrait of former U.S. Pr...

Image via Wikipedia

I was reading back through Kottke’s blog, and I saw this gem about The Onion predicting the future 10 years ago. The Onion article is time-stamped JANUARY 17, 2001.

Kottke writes:

Published in The Onion more than 10 years ago after George W. Bush took office,Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’ is just getting more and more prescient.

Bush swore to do “everything in [his] power” to undo the damage wrought by Clinton’s two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

“You better believe we’re going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration,” said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. “Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?”

They probably should get a Pulitzer.

The Language of Christianity

I hope you take the time to watch this video. The link above and here will take you away from Le Café.

I hope you let it challenge you. And I hope if you aren’t challenged, it’s because you know this crap information already.

And if you watch it and say to yourself, “This is from a ‘liberal’ news source. I don’t believe it.” I hope that you wonder why it is you think that’s a bad thing.

The world is full of lies, and this is probably another one of them.

Or maybe it’s not … bum bum bum.



From the Horse’s mouth: George W. Bush not concerned about bin Laden

This is just SIX MONTHS after 9/11. In response to a reporters question, President Bush tells the world that he is “truly not that concerned” with catching the man who murdered 3,000 Americans just six months and two days earlier because “we’ve marginalized him.”

Please note that he ALMOST says “I don’t know where he is, nor do I… (really care).” but catches himself in mid-sentence.

“He hides in caves while sending young people off to die.”

Via Cynical C

Europe puts the kibosh on Bush’s upcoming visit

George W. Bush, Forty-third President (2001–2009)

Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr

Some American’s don’t travel to Europe because they’re reverse xenophobes according to this CNN article. Many of these people don’t watch movies or TV with subtitles.

“It’s too much work to read through a movie,” they say while scooping up another handful of potato chips into their greasy fat hands.

George W. Bush won’t be traveling to Europe any time soon, because the douchebag could get arrested for crimes against humanity.

Ol’ Bushy shouldn’t feel comfortable leaving the ranch for fear of arrest.

Here’s the article in question.


Thanks, Luis, for the CNN article re: passports!