the gospel of me by dj trummings
There has never been a President that has worked as hard as me!
My hours are the longest,
and my results are among the best.
I’ve stopped Eight Wars,
saving many millions of lives in the process,
created the Greatest Economy in the History of our Country,
brought Business back into the United States at levels never seen before,
rebuilt our Military,
created the Largest Tax Cuts and Regulation Cuts, EVER,
closed our open and very dangerous Southern Border,
when previous Administrations were unable to do so,
and created an ‘aura’ around the United States of America
that has led every Country in the World
to respect us more than ever before.
In addition to all of that,
I go out of my way
to do long, thorough,
and very boring Medical Examinations
at the Great Walter Reed National Military Medical Center,
seen and supervised by top doctors,
all of whom have given me PERFECT Marks —
Some have even said
they have never seen such Strong Results.
I do these Tests
because I owe it to our Country.
In addition to the Medical,
I have done something that no other President has done,
on three separate occasions,
the last one being recently,
by taking what is known as a Cognitive Examination,
something which few people would be able to do very well,
including those working at The New York Times,
and I ACED all three of them
in front of large numbers of doctors and experts,
most of whom I do not know.
I have been told
that few people have been able to ‘ace’ this Examination
and, in fact, most do very poorly,
which is why many other Presidents
have decided not to take it at all.
Despite all of this,
the time and work involved,
The New York Times, and some others,
like to pretend that I am ‘slowing up,’
am maybe not as sharp as I once was,
or am in poor physical health,
knowing that it is not true,
and knowing that I work very hard,
probably harder than I have ever worked before.
I will know when I am ‘slowing up,’
but it’s not now!
After all of the work I have done
with Medical Exams,
Cognitive Exams,
and everything else,
I actually believe
it’s seditious,
perhaps even treasonous,
for The New York Times,
and others,
to consistently do FAKE reports
in order to libel and demean
‘THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.’
They are true Enemies of the People,
and we should do something about it.
They have inaccurately reported
on all of my Election Results
and, in fact,
were forced to apologize
on much of what they wrote.
The best thing
that could happen to this Country
would be if The New York Times
would cease publication
because they are a horrible, biased,
and untruthful ‘source’ of information.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
Le Café Witteveen 