Extreme pro-lifers, insults and you

Many of you know I am adopted. Over on Facebook, I’m friends with several members of my biological family, including my half brother and his wife, cousins, second cousins and uncles.

When you’re adopted, there’s a natural want — borderline need — to know where your biological components come from. And in my case, it’s a formidable reminder of how fortunate I am to have been adopted.

My biological family is fucking nuts. But that’s why I love them.

Every family is nuts.

How about an example!

One night, one uncle went on an anti-liberal tirade. He wrote, and I’m not exagerrating, “You have to be completely fucking stupid to vote democrat.”

I wrote back that I loved him, but I hope he doesn’t think I’m a complete idiot for the direction I voted.

He deleted me as his friend.

Lately, a cousin has erupted with pro-life diatribes. There was one yesterday that was longer than most books.

I won’t bore you with reposting the entire thing. But here are some snippets that may (or may not) get your ire up:

I AM PRO-LIFE. I am not afraid or intimidated to admit that or post it right here on FB. In today’s twisted society, somehow, being pro-choice is so widely accepted that it has just become the norm and being pro-life seems to label you as crazy, extreme, anti-woman, and old fashioned, among other things. My reason for being pro-life is simple, I don’t support the act of killing unborn children. I don’t think that’s crazy or extreme. To me, life begins at conception and a child’s LIFE far outweighs a woman’s choice. That doesn’t make me anti-woman or old fashioned. In my belief, it’s rather reasonable.

And a 1000 words later:

Planned Parenthood is a monster abortion factory- NOT a significant primary care provider. Sure, it provides services for low income people, but there are plenty of Federally Qualified Health Centers that do the same and DO NOT perform abortions. Planned Parenthood MUST be exposed as the lying and terribly misleading organization that it truly is. We as women deserve better than Planned Parenthood and we should all be applauding and standing behind the Susan G. Komen foundation for cutting ties with this heinous group.

One woman responded in opposition to her. My cousin didn’t like that. The woman responded with recommendations of how to get involved through adoption/fostering children and several other ideas. Here is part of the response:

If you are so set in your PRO-LIFE views, you should spend less time preaching it and more time taking part of the movement i.e working at an adoption agency, being a foster parent to a child, or maybe even working for a fundraising source reputable to yourself- Susan G. Komen. This will be the last post I put up regarding this, and I’d like to think we can just agree to disagree!

I liked both of this woman’s responses. I got a note from my cousin this morning that said:

It’s rude of you to “like” a comment from a girl who’s essentially attacking me. Granted, we have opposing opinions, as do you and I, but that comment that you “liked” was no longer about our views. There, she made it a personal issue and I’m insulted that you would do such a thing.

Isn’t that the way of the passionate? Every and any voice of opposition is “an attack.”

I do it. You do it. Well, not you, but the dude behind you giving you bunny ears.

Keep in mind, my cousin is non-college graduate, young woman, married to a well-to-do dentist who comes from money. She has two beautiful children and lives in a multiple story home on a hill somewhere in the woods. She oozes opportunity and may be the poster child of the fortunate idiots who rage against something without so much as a finger near the pulse of reality — people I like to call “Mitt Romneys” and “Barack Obamas”.


Abortion Schmetortion. 

We’ve discussed abortion on this blog before. And I am for life, but also for choice. Which — to call a spade a spade — makes me pro-choice. I find pro-life an extreme stance that misunderstands abortion to the Nth.

I don’t think you should draw Hitler mustaches on women who come to the hard, awful decision that they should end a pregnancy. Nor should you draw those mustaches on the organizations, doctors or people who support them.

Another cousin of mine worked for Planned Parenthood for years. I’ve had friends and girlfriends who have used their services for birth control and other health services. From my point of view after speaking to these fine, reasonable people, I concluded that Planned Parenthood is not an abortion factory.

There are a lot of other reasons why Planned Parenthood and women’s health services are a vital resources in our communities. If you promote giving life to a baby who will experience pain, hunger, abuse, drug addiction, violence of any kind, you are a monster for opposing abortion or reasonably-priced family planning for the sake of a baby who will experience something much worse than death … which is a life of hell.

Let’s bring this conversation into my bedroom

Since even before we married, Tina and I have been trying to get pregnant. For at least five years, we’ve had sex to make a baby. And with every period, comes more heartache, tears, and turmoil than I care to rehash right now.

With every period, at least one of Tina’s eggs is flushed down the toilet. Over five years, that’s over 60 naturally aborted children.

If you’re against abortion, you should be against God, because — should he exist — he is the most heinous abortionist ever.

From my perspective, if you are pro-God, you are essentially anti-children. Because nature is not kind to babies, and it is thanks to science and progress that successful birthrate in 1st world countries has become nothing short of awesome.

Left to natural, God-ordained, natural situations — if you will — a high percentage of babies don’t have a fighting chance at life.

God had eons to get it right in nature. Science brought it only within the last few decades in some views.

That’s why science is winning and God needs to go by the wayside.

Disagree with me? Tell me. Agree with me? Let me know … it’ll feel so good to be validated. 🙂

Below the fold, I’m posting the response I wrote to my cousin (for my record), but feel free to read.

I’m sorry that you think I was rude or that your friend’s comment was an attack.

I didn’t read it as an attack. And didn’t like it to be rude, but to agree with someone who had a response to your view. She didn’t call you crazy. She recommended ways to get involved.

I don’t have the cojones to stand up to your views, as you’ve been more active on this topic lately.

As you know, I am a poster child for a woman who chose life, and I am fortunate and do not take it for granted.

You are an extremely fortunate woman with a beautiful family. Two gorgeous kids and a loving, supportive, well-incomed husband. I am *extremely* jealous of that.

My cousin worked for Planned Parenthood and I have had many friends and girlfriends who benefited greatly from their services. We live in a neighborhood whose women and couples desperately need services from Planned Parenthood or organizations like them. We have a crime rate and an inner-city culture that benefits from people who don’t have the same qualities of life that you are so blessed by.

You’re right that your views aren’t crazy. They are valid, pointed, reasoned, and right. You’re not alone, as evidenced by the responses you’ve received.

This issue is not cut and dry. There are mitigating factors involved. The information you’re delivering is not always accurate.

You have every right to passionately promote life. But know that in doing so, you’re creating a hurt so tangible and awful in people like me, that it stirs up oppositional passion.

My wife and I want children so badly. We’ve tried for over five years, and don’t have the fortune and health that you, and millions of other women share.

We’ve spent thousands of dollars on fertility. And each month is that brings Tina’s period, brings heartache, tears, and turmoil. We choose life, but nature chooses the rough equivalent of an abortion.

And every time you promote life with gusto, with your beautiful family and fortune, you remind me that we choose life and every twelve months, we lose at least 12 eggs down the toilet. Over five years, that’s over 60 potential children that two loving, spoiling, hopeful, wanting, devoted, passionate people experience the cold, hard truth of disappointment.

It’s a natural phenomenon that frustrates us.

I admire your passion. Gosh, it makes me feel like a Hall. And as you wrote, we don’t agree. That doesn’t make us both wrong. It makes us more like family.

I see, understand and validate your views. I hope you can understand mine.

All the best,


9 thoughts on “Extreme pro-lifers, insults and you

  1. Completely agree .. A woman’s body is hers to choose what do with no matter what ..full stop..period… punt. It’s as simple as that.

  2. I like the punt part.

    I am worried about people who see responses like the one she got and took it as an attack.

    It’s bizarre.

  3. I could never be a conservative. Mostly because I am incapable of seeing the world in black and white as they do. Rather I see plenty of shades of gray and their lack of nuance is just something I could not apply to my way of thinking.

  4. Hi Jeremy,

    Excellent reply. I too do not like people who want to take our democratic rights away from us. Wouldn’t they bellow if we wanted to close their churches down.

    I think it would be a better idea if you chose a DNA testing to find your roots. Cheers….Killa.

  5. As you know, Jer, I hold a pretty nuanced position on abortion. It kills me to do it, because I hold the view that abortion kills babies. There are times that I am disheartened that I can’t be anti-abortion.

    I think that there are many liberals who try desperately to convince themselves that abortion is just a simple medical procedure, or that a fetus isn’t really a human life.

    I think there are many conservatives who try desperately to convince themselves that abortion is cold blooded murder, or that every pregnant woman faces an easy and simple choice.

    When I look at my five beautiful kids, I’m constantly reminded how blessed I am- both to be a father and to have been given the luxury to have never questioned whether or not to bring them into the world. My heart breaks for you and Tina, I think you guys would be the greatest parents…

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